AIBU to feel left out because I'm not on social media?

[PaxUniversalis]

I don't use social media. I'm not on FB, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc.

I feel increasingly left out by friends and family and I think the reason for this is that I have refused to be on social media. 99% of my friends and family - young and old - are on social media and they keep in touch mainly via Facebook.

I'm probably old fashioned but my ways of communicating with people are: face to face, text messaging, email, telephone. In my 'old fashioned' mindset I believe that people have the tools to keep in touch with me: they have my landline number, my mobile number, my email address and my postal address. We all managed to keep in touch with friends and family before social media existed (I'm nearly 50 - just to put things into perspective).

None of my old friends ever get in touch with me spontaneously anymore, except to communicate important messages, like a death or a wedding or such like. I do try and keep in touch with them by sending emails. They do reply to my emails - actually 1 person is very good, she replies very quickly - but the majority of people only reply when it suits them - sometimes this is weeks later! Or they don't reply at all anymore. However, they all seem to be very active on FB and they send FB messages back and forth instantly to others (I know this because a friend of mine showed me the messages on her FB account).
So why do they keep in touch with others on FB but not with me via email? Perhaps I'm not that important to them?

One friend even announced that she was going to get married on FB. I only found out by accident a week or two before the wedding because I happened to be talking to a mutual friend who is on FB. Not good.

I'm talking about old friends here. Most of them know that I'm not on social media yet they never send me an email to say 'hello, how are you' from time to time. I'm always the one sending emails to them. Yes, they do reply - eventually - but It seems to be a one-way street here as I'm always the one doing the instigating.
Very frustrating as a lot of friends and family live hundreds of miles away (in the town where I grew up) so I don't see them a lot during the year.

I still prefer face to face or voice to voice (phone) contact with people if I'm honest. I know I could join social groups if I wanted face to face interaction but I'm a bit disappointed in my family and friends.
AIBU?

Do you take lots of photos with filters? That's what Insta looks like to me.

@jaimelannistersgoldenhand

Do you take lots of photos with filters? That's what Insta looks like to me.

No, but photography is a hobby of mine. My camera is not fancy or expensive though and rather old (digital but old digital and in need of updating).

I think that sounds like a good plan, OP.

WhatsApp is a good starting point, I think. If your friends have it on their phones and you all have each others' numbers saved then you will be able to see each other in the listing. You might have to ask to be added to any of the existing chat groups, but that is about it. It really is just a speedy and convenient messaging service, both for one to one chats and for group chats.

Good plan Pax... dip your toe in and only do the bits that work, and after all... anything can be ignored, whether it be a FB message or a whatsapp one.

I think the group facility on whatsapp is so so handy.

Pax
If you do decide to give fb a go just keep it simple
E.g. 'like a few things thst you are interested in e.g.
A couple if venues where you go to for gigs, a couple if bands that you like, maybe places you like. I'm on Lets walk the Lakes for example.
Maybe like a magazine that you like, I don't know, cosmopolitan, good housekeeping,.
DO you listen to the radio. I hsve Planet Rock on FB. Dp had radio 2.
You dont have add any peopleif you dont want to.

@notacooldad

If you do decide to give fb a go just keep it simple

Thanks for the suggestions. That might be an idea. So I'd just be following these websites as opposed to posting?

One of the reservations I had re FB is the amount of time I'd need to spend on there (messages flying back and forth and needing to keep up).
A friend of mine is constantly on FB and she has annoyed some people because she is forever messaging them about the most trivial things. I know some of her FB friends have now defriended her because she was popping up whenever they logged on to their FB account.

I don't use any social media other than a LinkedIn account which work insists I have which exists but I never look at.

I have WhatsApp on my phone but never use it. I don't see the point. If you want to send a group text you can do that from the message app on the phone.

Facebook , I don't see the point of at all. It sounds utterly self-obsessed. Same with Twitter.

pax you don't have to post anything ever although I do get annoyed at friends who follow me but never 'like or comment on my posts ever. Only because it feels like a 1 way street and they aren't acknowledging me
But with anything you like you are getting updated on what's going in whether it's your local civic theatre or council. I hsve Lancashire police and the council on my fb. The council give out loads of info, which roads are shut, what time they are gritting etc.

I explained fb to my nan as being my own community page. Everything i post is not of interest to everyone that is on my friends list but some of it may be very relevant to others.
My dad used to moan about not wanting everyone to know his buisness which always resulted in me face palming and saying 'how dad? ' how are all these people going to know anything if you dont post anything you dont want anyone to know? He does my head in !

Facebook , I don't see the point of at all. It sounds utterly self-obsessed. Same with Twitter.
Year the National Trust Face book page is so vain. And fancy the council telling us about storm updates, flood warnings and evacuation procedures for the village. So shallow!

I do get annoyed at friends who follow me but never 'like or comment on my posts ever. Only because it feels like a 1 way street and they aren't acknowledging me

God, seriously?! This is why people can’t be arsed with Facebook. Grown adults getting the hump because their friend didn’t give them attention online. 🙄

@notacooldad
you are getting updated on what's going in whether it's your local civic theatre or council. I hsve Lancashire police and the council on my fb. The council give out loads of info, which roads are shut, what time they are gritting etc.

That's useful. I hadn't thought about it like that.

My refusal to go on FB was related to some people I know posting all kinds of uninteresting news (such as what they were going to have for dinner that day) and expecting others to engage and respond. I wouldn't be interested in that.

I don't have wifi at home anymore, so I only use it at cafes and really like reading and puzzles and games instead and I'm a milennial....

I do get annoyed at friends who follow me but never 'like or comment on my posts ever. Only because it feels like a 1 way street and they aren't acknowledging me

God, seriously?! This is why people can’t be arsed with Facebook. Grown adults getting the hump because their friend didn’t give them attention online

. 🙄
Please let me explain.
I have a few acquaintances that never like or comment. A like is just an acknowledgement that you've seen the post. They havent liked anything in years but when i bumped into one of them in town they knew all thatcwas going on ( things I was happy to share, not private stuff but iI'd had nothing back so it felt very one sided., that's all. My mother is the main culprit for this wanting to know what everyone in the family is doing but doesn't acknowledge us in fb so we don't know for certain if she's seen a picture we've tagged her in that we think she will like. That's all!

Pax
National Geographical
BBC news
CNN
All the radio stations
National Trust
Slimming World/ WW and a 100is if blogs around this if that's your thing
Mountaineering Council
Cloud Appreciation Society
Craft pages
Baking
Skiing
The list is endless!!!

I haven’t looked at FB for 9 months and haven’t suffered. In fact I’m finding that fewer friends are using FB. My teen DS and his friends don’t use it and say it’s for “oldies”. They seem to use WhatsApp a lot.

Like other PPs have said you can use SM just to get out of it what you want.

I like Instagram a lot. I sew and there is a really supportive sewing community there. It’s been a valuable information source for indie patterns, online fabric suppliers and the like.

If you want newsy updates you don't need to be on FB, I use Twitter for that - for hobbies, work and day to day stuff. So I follow hobby websites and magazines, I follow work-related sites and people, and local council/library/leisure centre/local BBC weather etc. You can get a lot of info that way and never need to tweet yourself. I also follow people like the National Trust, Woodland Trust etc and also Countryfile, among others. You can just as easily follow these sites on FB as well but I find Twitter works well enough and most use both so you're not missing out on anything by only using one or the other.

I've just deleted my Facebook account and don't miss it in the slightest. I follow my reading,craft and blog interests on Instagram but I'm strict re not following people I know. I don't think you're missing anything by not having Facebook. I feel so much lighter and uncluttered.

I do text and use Messenger so get included in group texts etc which meetings crop up.

"I have a few acquaintances that never like or comment. A like is just an acknowledgement that you've seen the post." Sorry notacooldad but I think you're misunderstanding the 'like' function and therefore taking something to heart as a result! The like button isn't an acknowledgement you've seen something. It literally means you like, enjoy, or agree with the comment. Kind of like an endorsement if that makes sense. It is nothing to do with acknowledging it, FB is not designed for people to go round acknowledging each other's posts as what a burden that would be! If that were the case then most statuses would be liked by tens, hundreds or thousands of people according to the size of their friends list.

Lots of people use it very casually and read stuff but don't bother to interact back. It's not personal. I know when I post something about an obscure interest I may get one like from the only friend I have who understands the post, or none at all, and that's fine.

I feel a lot of the downsides with SM come when people take it personally as a reflection of their popularity/have all kinds of demands on the people they're linked with. It then makes you feel low in self esteem because you've misunderstood and think that anyone who sees what you've said would click like and they don't.

The major benefit of FB for me is being able to share current favourite songs, albums, bands etc, discuss with other fans, and see what my friends are currently listening to. And to see tour announcements I might otherwise miss. same could go for any interest such as sport I guess.

Lemonshark
So for example, an acquaintance of mine commited suicide 2 weeks ago and an announcement wad put on fb. So you are telling me that the 126 friends who liked the status was pleased that he did it. I don't think so. Same when there was a hit and run story in our area just before Christmas and the woman died. Yeah, everyone thought that wad amusing as well when they liked it.
Anyway I'm just irked at my mother who wants to know everyone's buisness but doesn't give anything back!

Okay, you have a point! Especially with the sad sort of updates. I read your post about it being an acknowledgement wrongly I think, from the way I read it it looked like you felt if someone had seen the post they should click 'like' to acknowledge they'd read it, like an expectation they would do that. Which is the problem I was discussing, the expectation others will react to your posts. But I think (I might be wrong) you were just talking more broadly, and it's not sadness they didn't do what was expected of them that bothers hours (not clicking like), rather it's frustration that people never interact with you?

I'm glad these days there's sad reacts as if felt so wrong 'liking' death announcements. Sorry if I misunderstood your post.

OP I like FB because I have friends and family all over the world and I like having some kind of contact by seeing the photos they post. One "friend" starting posting loads of stuff about some shakes she was selling, so I have unfollowed her without unfriending her. This means that I don't see what she posts but I haven't offended her by removing her.

@chocolateworshipper
so I have unfollowed her without unfriending her. This means that I don't see what she posts but I haven't offended her by removing her.

If you removed/unfriended her, would she know that you've done this? But not if you unfollow her?

I guess she'd know if she went to the other person's profile and saw the "connect"-button again, or went through her friends list and saw (from memory) that one profile wasn't there anymore.

Pax - she won't be able to tell that I have unfollowed her, but she could find out if I unfriend her (if she checks her list of friends, if she notices that the number of friends she has on FB has gone down and then checks who's gone, or if she tries to look at my page) - even though FB don't notify someone that you have unfriended them.