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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
pictish · 30/12/2017 13:01

That she approached your daughter and accused her of selfishness is absolutely appalling. I would be taking her aside in person and giving her a few stern words to that effect.
"What on earth made you think that approaching (dd) and pressuring her over your ill-conceived idea was an appropriate course of action to take? That you were so driven to get your own way over this that you, an adult, accosted her, a child, in the street and tried to shame her into giving in to you, is appalling! I am really annoyed that you had the audacity to bully her like that. Your sense of entitlement over something that is not yours to have, is astonishing. I hope you will see fit to apologise to (dd) for your outlandish behaviour."

starzig · 30/12/2017 13:01

All the daughters friends could go round and dress her up as a unicorn and cover her in glitter and pull at her hair

TeaAndToast85 · 30/12/2017 13:02

I just read this out to my DH, and we both are like this Shock

  1. I can't believe she invited people without checking with you first
  1. Horses can be bloody dangerous, and if you say this one isn't ready/suitable for that kind of thing then she should listen
  1. Glitter and unicorn horns! Animals are not toys Angry

Please reply on the Facebook post explaining all this stuff and making her look like the CF that she is.

ClaryFray · 30/12/2017 13:03

Yanbu - and anyone with any type of experience around horses knows this. For a start unicorn horns...?!? Wtf? It sound so very stupid. If your horse isn't a school rider then the potential for accidents are major. It's not worth the risk and hassle.

As for the sharing comment, I've never understood it. I as an adult wouldn't lend someone my car. Because sharing. She sounds grabby. And like she doesn't want to pay. I'd have to comment.

beingGoodNow · 30/12/2017 13:03

As soon as I read "obsessed with unicorns" "never had any riding lessons" I was thinking "oh no." No way no way no way would I allow a group of kids around a pony messing around with it like that. You're right it's not safe. And I would go ballistic if a friend of mine did what yours did, well I would explain why and never speak to her again. She sounds totally thick.

Doctordonowt · 30/12/2017 13:05

I would be furious if my child was invited to a party, where the mother had a complete disregard for her safety. It is like erecting your own Climbing wall in the garden, then leaving them to it without harness or helmets. I wonder how much she would have had to pay out for an injury..

TeaAndToast85 · 30/12/2017 13:05

Ah I've just seen that you replied to the fb post. Well done Xmas Grin

Blatherskite · 30/12/2017 13:07

I've never been on a horse in my life. Even I know this is a bloody stupid idea!

Definitely a CF

silkpyjamasallday · 30/12/2017 13:10

Good for you OP. I think she needed to be called out, and you've done just that, a bit of embarrassment might cool her CF tendencies in the future. I wouldn't bother calling her a friend anymore though. What a dick she is.

LittlePaintBox · 30/12/2017 13:12

Who's going to provide supervision? What if there was an accident? And she told people about the party without waiting to see if you'd agree?

YANBU. She is.

Maybe you should arrange to have a party at hers, and see how she likes it!

MinorRSole · 30/12/2017 13:14

You could have the calmest, most gentle pony to ever exist. A pony who dreamed of being a unicorn and took nightly glitter baths. You would still have had every right to say no!
She is an idiot

Rudgie47 · 30/12/2017 13:15

It would be all your fault if it stood on someones foot, kicked them etc or pushed them over. Horses can be very unpredictable and you did the right thing.
I groomed my friends horse with those paddle brushes and it was tapping its feet and showing the whites of its eyes! Not an experience for the feint hearted.

wizzler · 30/12/2017 13:18

yadnbu.

This has overtones of Hairzilla ! ( Thread of the year for me) .. Promising something that actually belongs to someone else.

Am also Angry on your behalf that she would accost your daughter in the street.

Am glad you called her on this CF behaviour.

DeepanKrispanEven · 30/12/2017 13:22

It's highly unlikely that normal liability insurance would cover this - the risks are so obvious. At best, you'd have to pay an extra premium, and it would be hedged around with all sorts of restrictions to try to minimise risk - and you can be sure that glitteryunicornmum wouldn't be prepared to comply with the restrictions.

MrMeSeeks · 30/12/2017 13:23

Yambu at all, not a chance would i ever had anyone put glittery crap on any of my pets.

kiwiquest · 30/12/2017 13:23

I speak as someone who had to extract herself from a hedge this morning and walk home because idiot pony apparently doesn't like giant snowballs......YANBU!!!
More serious note most public liability cover is only £3m. If worst case Dpony killed or paralyzed someone you would realistically be looking at £5m + with any difference coming from your personal assets. Reason enough to say no!

Original poster
HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 13:23

Thanks all!

Her post is still up, no further replies although there’s been a few likes on my comment.

I had already spoken to her about accosting DD and generally nagging me and she apologised before Christmas. I had thought that was the end of it.

Horse is pretty calm and patient up to a point. She’s a filthy beast though. DD had to groom her for clipping a while ago - it took ages and she wasn’t happy about it. She definitely wouldn’t stand still for plaiting and glitter.

The second you put her in the field the little sod rolls. The bigger and muddyer the puddle the better.

OP posts:
ToothyMcPuthy · 30/12/2017 13:27

Well done OP. You were right to stick up for yourself by responding to her passive aggressive post.

Friends don't accost their friend's DC in the street and they don't slag each other off on FB. I'd give her a wide berth from now on.

YA absolutely not BU.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 30/12/2017 13:28

I'm sure the horse would of fucking loved a gaggle of screaming little girls over excitedly petting and grooming it and throwing glitter in its eyes!

Stupid woman! I'd be sure to tell the little girls next time I seen them unicorns aren't even real 😂

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/12/2017 13:35

I'm really glad you cracked and posted! The woman is nuts, honestly, to have even asked you to do that in the first place. She obviously has NO idea about horses/ponies at all, to have even considered that it would be any kind of good idea to use a pony that is not used to this!

I just can't imagine (well ok, I can) the sort of carnage that a spooked pony could wreak among a gathering of small shrieking girls who mostly have never had anything to do with horses.

Good crikey, they're bloody dangerous animals! I have several friends who are long-term riders and/or owners, and rode myself for many years - I've been stepped on, bitten and thrown by riding school ponies, stepped on by a friend's pony, thrown by another startled pony; one friend got kicked in the head by her own horse who was startled suddenly, another broke her elbow and ribs when her horse slipped and fell on her - the catalogue of incidents goes on and on!

Your woman there wants her head read if she thinks that horses can be managed like robots. Hmm

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/12/2017 13:36

Your horse sounds great...definitely not the sort to enjoy being prettied up then. Grin

LaurieMarlow · 30/12/2017 13:37

Late entry for cheeky fucker of the year award?

Good competition for hairzilla.

Wineasaurous · 30/12/2017 13:38

You should comment and play dumb

"Oh no! What happened hun? I'll give you a ring" or something similar

NotTheQueen · 30/12/2017 13:39

Your friend is definitely a queen sized CF. Animals are a blessing, not a toy, and covering them with glitter is horrible.

My Dad was a jockey and my grandad and great grandad were horse trainers, so a lifetime around horses, yet my Dad is still blind in one eye and sports a mouth full of false teeth courtesy of a hoof to the face. Does she really want to risk children and torment animals!?

lifechangesforeverinjuly · 30/12/2017 13:41

This is what I hate about the human race.. animals aren't there for our entertainment. 1 billion percent YANBU.

What a cow she sounds, I'd definitely call her out on the post about it and I'd make a point that she shouldn't have 'arranged' anything in the first place because there was never your permission!

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