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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
Nannyplumssillyoldelf · 31/12/2017 10:01

She's a stupid bloody idiot and a massive cf. I hope tonight goes ok.

ferntwist · 31/12/2017 10:07

YANBU. What a cheeky mare (no pun intended).

ChristmasAtSquiffanys · 31/12/2017 10:13

My very placid small cat went bonkers when I made the mistake of trying to add a Christmas bow to her collar.
Imagine what a 200kg pony would do when faced with screaming glitter wielding 6 year olds...

daisychain01 · 31/12/2017 10:19

It's so cruel, even the riding school up the road doing it for £200 should be reported for cruelty.

Horses should be ridden and groomed, not covered in glittery shit to entertain idiotic humans with too much money to burn, urgh.

pictish · 31/12/2017 11:07

Why is it cruel? I've read a few posts here implicating cruelty and I'm not seeing it.
I mean, it's not the sort of thing I would want to do...but just because it's a bit naff...not because I think the pony or horse would come to any harm wearing a fake unicorn horn or being covered in non-toxic glitter and having its mane braided and groomed. Horses get tarted up for all sorts of stunts, including show jumping and dressage. Why is this any different?
The pony, who is obviously chosen for it's temperament and suitability to such an activity, isn't going to care is it? Where's the cruelty? Genuine ask.

GreenTulips · 31/12/2017 11:10

A horse being groomed by professional caring owners is different to high pitches out of control little kids isn't it?

Glitter in their eyes? Brushed too hard, kids hanging off their tails....

It's cruel

pictish · 31/12/2017 11:11

But it's a supervised activity isn't it? Supervised by the stable staff. Hanging off their tail...nonsense.
Again, why is it cruel?

YouTheCat · 31/12/2017 11:18

I can't imagine any animal, no matter how placid, actually enjoying all the noise and glitter. It's using an animal as a toy.

When horses have their tails plaited etc, I'd imagine it's done calmly not with a bunch of over excited 7 year olds about.

DreamyMcDreamy · 31/12/2017 11:21

It's using an animal as a toy.

This. It's not a My Little Pony. Hmm
If you want to play dress up the horsey and put glitter on it etc,why not go buy yourself one (a My Little Pony, that is.)

Original poster
HorseCFery · 31/12/2017 11:23

I don't think it's particularly cruel, if supervised properly with ponies who don't mind this kind of thing and the products used are safe

You can get horns and glittery stuff from here

DD did a spider ride just before Christmas and horse had some antlers that you clip on to her brow band. She didn't like them so we took them straight off. Lots of the other horses wore them happily. DD did a Halloween spider ride and someone had painted a glittery spider web on their horse

DD's horse is just not suitable for this kind of stuff and DD doesn't want her horse ponced about with. She has her initial clipped into one side of her arse, and a heart on the other (the horse, not DD) and that's as far as DD wants to go with prettifying

OP posts:
pictish · 31/12/2017 11:25

And if you're going to take that tack, no inexperienced children should ever be allowed to learn to ride, groom or tend a pony just in case they brush them too hard or have a high pitched voice or whatever.

I assume the stables who organise these unicorn parties give a pep talk to begin with and form an orderly line with a placid pony who doesn't mind a fuss. Otherwise they couldn't feasibly offer it.

I agree that it's tasteless...but again, I'm not seeing that it's cruel or causes any tangible harm to the pony. I think people here are being dramatic.

insancerre · 31/12/2017 11:26

Why is it cruel?

Well, would you stand there and let a bunch of over excited princesses cover you with glitter and hair your hair?

At least you can give your permission
Or not
I doubt that you would injure a child whilst objecting

RhiannonOHara · 31/12/2017 11:28

When horses have their tails plaited etc, I'd imagine it's done calmly not with a bunch of over excited 7 year olds about.

Exactly this. Horses are generally more OK being handled by one familiar, quiet, competent person who they know than by having noisy, excited kids fluttering about. Yes, the kids and the horse can be supervised to some extent, but people can't keep an eye on all the kids and the horse 100% all the time and the horse will likely experience some stress.

OP, the 'selfish' 'hun' brigade can fuck off, can't they? 'horrid for disappointing young children'; well, let's think how horrid they'd think you were if the fat-assed cob Grin stood on one of their princesses' foot! And I bet they didn't mind you being a 'posh toff' when they thought you were lending them the horse for their nonsense.

Karigan1 · 31/12/2017 11:29

Saying no was the right thing to do. Horses are not toys and unicorn glitter etc could easily upset one and then someone might get hurt. You did the right thing and she clearly doesn’t understand horses

Sludgecolours · 31/12/2017 11:30

Plaiting and grooming are fine because they are activities aligned to a horse's welfare and are usually done one on one by someone that knows the horse relatively well or, if in a group setting, it's usually done in a learning context.

I wouldn't want anyone sticking a horn on any horse of mine though (if I owned one). And using a horse as entertainment, surrounded by excited child party goers, is not ideal frankly. If not out and out cruel, it's teaching the DC that the horse is a play thing, not a sentient animal that should be respected as it is, in its own right.

The picture posted below of the grey gypsy cob (or similar type) with its mane dyed pink for other people's pleasure is not terribly edifying is it?

It's similar to dressing up a dog in silly clothes for our own amusement. It's anthropomorphism; usually justified by saying "the dog enjoys it" when we can't possibly know that, and in most cases I would guess the dog endures it at best.

pictish · 31/12/2017 11:30

The pony doesn't find itself questioning its integrity as a pony or having a personal crisis over some glitter. It's a horse. Don't be daft. If it's happy to be groomed then it won't give a shit.

KC225 · 31/12/2017 11:32

Please, please update tonight. Any chance of making and wearing a glittery makeshift unicorn to ensure a proper AIBU reaction.

Karigan1 · 31/12/2017 11:32

Oh and I was stupid enough to give in to the emotional black mail once and it ended up with a kid being kicked and going to a&e. Your friend may not know it yet but you are being more of a friend than she is!!!

YouTheCat · 31/12/2017 11:34

I reckon my cat might well tolerate me putting a hat on her and tying a ribbon on. She might. But I don't think she'd actually enjoy it. It would totally be done for my own amusement and that is just not right. also I could possible lose an arm or my face so it's just not worth the risk

RhiannonOHara · 31/12/2017 11:39

pictish, have you actually read and understood the responses to your questions? It's weird, you start off pretty reasonable but your last post ('Don't be daft. If it's happy to be groomed then it won't give a shit.') descends somewhat.

pictish · 31/12/2017 11:40

Show jumping and dressage, gymkhanas and all the other contrived activities that come along with horse riding asides from simple hacking are all for our own amusement are they not?

Karigan1 · 31/12/2017 11:40

Actually I’m finding Pictish quite amusing and tempted to invite her round to play dress up with my horses just for entertainment :). I’d have to get her to sign a disclaimer first though even though mine are pretty tolerant.

Sludgecolours · 31/12/2017 11:41

Inexperienced DC can be taught in a safe calm educational setting, which is very different to the atmosphere generated by excited DC at a party.

And although a horse may not be bothered by ordinary grooming, I can't imagine being surrounded by excited DC and having a horn stuck on its face would be necessarily be its first choice of activity! It could potentially be quite stressful (even if it's been taught to stand and be calm).

And anyway, just because a horse or dog doesn't seem bothered by us doing something to it, it doesn't necessarily follow that what we are doing is correct!

pictish · 31/12/2017 11:41

Yes I have thank you. No one has provided a reasonable answer as to why it's cruel. Tasteless certainly...but that's another issue.

PoorYorick · 31/12/2017 11:42

That website is absolutely awful.

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