You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

[Trueheart1]

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

I'm absolutely of the opinion that no-one should ever have to eat anything they don't want to, but to say a vegetarian can't eat this and can't eat that would more accurately be 'won't eat' - 'don't want to eat'. It's not a need like a medical/allergen issue would be - it's a preference.

Having said that, MIL was rude not to go along with your preferences and should have provided you with something nice you'd be happy to eat. Poor hosting and even unkind.

Bodicea I think the problem is more that hosts and caterers don't always remember that the veggie option actually appeals to everyone, so they don't provide enough to go round.

I'm absolutely of the opinion that no-one should ever have to eat anything they don't want to, but to say a vegetarian can't eat this and can't eat that would more accurately be 'won't eat' - 'don't want to eat'. It's not a need like a medical/allergen issue would be - it's a preference.

Does this apply for religious reasons too?

You clearly don't understand vegetarianism.

Apples - would you eat a dog, cat or even a human corpse? I don't mean to be dramatic but for a person who doesn't eat dead animals for 20 years, I can only try to help you understand by using this to describe how I feel about eating flesh, I know many would not agree but I find the idea repulsive.

I'm absolutely of the opinion that no-one should ever have to eat anything they don't want to, but to say a vegetariancan'teat this andcan'teat that would more accurately be 'won't eat' - 'don't want to eat'. It's not aneedlike a medical/allergen issue would be - it's a preference

By that reasoning though no one needs to eat the meat. They choose too. Why cook a roast Xmas dinner when they would get adequate nourishment from a bowl of porridge with fruit and nuts or some beans on toast.

No one needs the meat it's not a medical need and they could have done a completeky vege dinner...

Ragged there was nothing else.

Everyone (including me) enthusiastically thanked her for the meal afterwards. It was the polite thing to do

I can understand in a group its difficult to do anything else.

However it makes it even more difficult to change things next time surely as she has now been told that a plate of boiled veg is an acceptable Christmas dinner for vegetarians. I'm honestly not sure how you get past that with someone who as a keen cook thought this year was done well.

Would they come to you next year instead so that everyone is catered for?

The reason that we went to PIL's house is that they have room for everyone to stay. I have room for 8 not 14.

SaucyJack
Many times I have made veggie gravy when there is only meat gravy on offer and before j get to the table, other people have sloshed it all over their dinners.

So actually there is a need to keep if separate.

SaucyJack
Are you honestly saying that chicken Bisto is suitable for vegetarians?

I don't think you have got that right.

I'm a meat eater, yes, but when preparing buffets, I work on the principle that meat eaters do eat veggie stuff and cater about 3/4 veggie food and 1/4 meat based foods (and plenty of food in general). Generally means my veggie guests get a reasonable choice of food.

As a host, my aim is that people enjoy the food. To me, a plate of veg and bread sauce doesn't cut it at a celebratory meal, it's really dismissive of the person who has to eat this.

YADNBU. I would never invite people for dinner without ensuring they were properly catered for! How awful for you, very rude and thoughtless hosting on MIL part

Quite a difficult one.

Not sure what the balance between rudeness/ignorance/bloodymindedness/lack of thought is here.

If you are to go next year you, or your husband, needs to have a word - saying that you willbe bringing food suitable for you.

(As an aside how would she have coped with religious diets or a nut allergy? - a dead child? )

As a long standing vegetarian and now vegan we’ve never come across this sort of thing, fortunately.

My, aged, Mum half gets it. She still offers us custard and ice cream although she is getting better.

We had a Jacobs join at my Mum’s for Christmas. We took frozen roast spuds, falafels etc and she had got some vegan pies in. We took an accidentally vegan Asda Christmas pudding and soya cream. I did all the cooking and sorting.

It’s just easier to sort stuff myself and say this is what’s happening.

Hope it all goes well next year!

ps Iceland roast spuds are vegan but others have either dripping and/or milk in them.

She doesn't sound very lovely if she supports fox hunting and refuses to cater for all her guests properly

@PersianCatLady I've just checked the Bisto I have in the cupboard.

Disclaimer: I'm looking at the Bisto Best in glass jars, not their standard granules in the cardboard tubes.

I have the Chicken and the Onion Gravy flavours. The chicken is NOT vegetarian but the onion gravy IS. Perhaps it's the standard chicken that's suitable for vegetarians.

Every single supermarket in the UK has/had a decent range of pre-made christmas style main courses, and an even bigger range of non christmassy ones that would have STILL been better than just vegetables. A couple of bloody cauldron sausages would have at least been an effort.

Being a vegetarian in the UK is hardly difficult or unusual. its about 20% of the population and well catered for in all shops and cafés. She had no excuse even if she didnt feel up to making something from scratch.

Are you honestly saying that chicken Bisto is suitable for vegetarians?

I'm pretty sure there's no meat in it!

Apples

I’ve not eaten meat for 30+ years, I believe and have read (but don’t want to test it out) that if I were now to eat a heavily meat based meal that it would cause me problems.

Not to the extent of a severe nut allergy but discomfort and tummy upsets.

I'm honestly not sure how you get past that with someone who as a keen cook thought this year was done well

I really think you get in touch to thank her again for a really wonderful Christmas, compliment her, ask her for the recipe for something she made - I see you couldn't eat the Christmas cake so ask her for the recipe for her absolutely delicious bread sauce and say you think it would go really nicely with the "nut roast" (or whatever - a dish that includes a gravy/sauce) you are making for a Sunday roast with friends. Later tell her the bread sauce went so well with the dish and share the recipe with her. Ask her advice on something else cookery-related so she gets the message you think she's a great cook... then nearer the time next year, suggest you bring the nut roast to go alongside the lovely veg and sauce she makes. She may even suggest she makes it this time. Bring a gift of a dessert wine and cheeseboard in case there's no veggie dessert.

Being a vegetarian in the UK is hardly difficult or unusual. its about 20% of the population

Is it?! The NHS website and the Vegetarian Society reckon it's 2%.

Not read every comment but that's really crap OP. Every person eating dinner should be able to eat a decent meal at Christmas (or any other time of year!). My SIL and nephew came for Christmas at ours, neither eat pork. I would have loved to have made sausagemeat stuffing but I did apricot and hazelnut instead so they could have some (bollocks to making two types!). We also had a veggie Wellington alongside the roast chicken as not everyone likes much meat. I had my fill of pigs in blankets though .

It's just common courtesy to cater to the needs of all guests without leaving anyone feeling deprived. But I think you know that you are not BU OP.

Chicken bisto isn’t veggie. Bisto powder is vegan, as are bisto ‘favourite’ gravy granules and onion gravy granules. The ‘favourite’ granules have palm oil in them though, but according to Bisto it’s sustainably sourced:

orangutanuary.wordpress.com/what-the-manufacturers-say/

So had she made up beds for 14, and done the meal the night before and breakfast?
It’s much harder work than it looks

So why not take the help offered?

And to be fair a roast is one of those things where you can quite easily cater for a fair few people with not much extra effort.

A turkey goes pretty far there's always loads left.

Peeling a few extra potatoes etc. I've probably accidently cooked enough for 14 on occasions