To call out my vegan friend?

[rubbishtalker]

I haven't known her very long, a few years. She is a work colleague. She is 'vegan' on social media, lots of photos and hash tagging and "cruelty free" style comments.

But a few months ago when we went out for a team lunch she ate pork. I've seen her eat cheese, chocolate etc before.

AIBU to comment something along the lines of ' I love how you see vegan meals as a healthy aspect to your current diet'?? I am starting to find it irritating.

I emailed all the major milk manufacturers to ask about their processes for separating mother and calf and the fate of the male calves (which I know just wanted to see if they’d admit it) on that basis I now buy Yeo valley who described a slightly less cruel separation than they rest. I don’t want to give up milk and my family won’t.

Is this actually true? Are they not like humans, where milk will continue to be produced as long as a baby/calf/milking machine keeps drinking it?
Don't get me wrong, I'm sympathetic to the cause and think reduction in animal products for all is the way forward... I'm just curious about this aspect!

It is true because the calf will not get to stay with the cow for a prolonged period of time as this is not economically sustainable. Also, to keep at peak milk-production, the cow needs to calf on a regular basis. She will not continue to produce milk for all eternity after just one pregnancy. Usually she will have one calf a year or so unless it is a more ethical farm that does not do it as frequently.

I have seen cows being separated from their calves once. You might think that because it's animal it won't give a shit but the cows get very visibly distressed and run around crying for several days afterwards. This is par for the course in dairy farming though.

That is good to hear Cherrycoke. It's always good to know of ethical brands and what their practices are.

I should do it again really, it was a few years ago and things might’ve changed. Those Arla cunts never even replied.

My family were dairy farmers but it was basically a small holding and the production methods were nothing like the big manufacturers

wherethevioletsgrow It is true because the calf will not get to stay with the cow for a prolonged period of time as this is not economically sustainable.

The amount of time the calf spends with the cow is irrelevent to what I was asking. My point was, if something is taking the milk, surely the cow keeps producing it? In the same way humans can choose to breastfeed for years....

Also, to keep at peak milk-production, the cow needs to calf on a regular basis.

Right, this makes sense.

Cherrycoke My family were dairy farmers but it was basically a small holding and the production methods were nothing like the big manufacturers

I'd happily pay more for more ethically produced stuff, it's a shame this is so difficult.

It’s so difficult. There is a Hindu farm near Watford but they don’t deliver very far. I follow them on Facebook!!

The cows don’t even feed their own calf (except Yeo valley- for 3 days ) they have a nursing cow to do the herd.

I see that could be annoying, but me personally I wouldn't have a problem with this. She is trying her hardest. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. It is hard and sometimes you need some flexibility.

Bollocks. Trying your hardest would be not consuming animal products at all. Nobody makes you drink milk in your coffee, its the easiest thing in the world to have it black or simply not have the coffee at all. It isn't hard and there is no flexibility, you are either vegan or you are not vegan. If you are flexible you are not vegan.

I don't give a flying fuck what people choose to eat, but I do care when people lecture others and wank on about their higher choices while lying their asses off and eating the stuff they give out to others about. Stupid fuckers.

I have a friend like this. She flits between being vegan and eating meat all the time. I find she is more vegan when talking to other vegan friends and think a large amount of it is her trying to live up to what she sees as other people's expectations.

I'm an omnivore / chocolatarian

I throughly enjoy my food and don't feel defensive in the slightest
Hence, I don't care what vegans post - their preaching has as much chance of making me feel guilty as the god botherers do.

If this really irritates you, then the next time you witness her consuming meat / dairy, just march over and call out her hypocrisy in a loud voice.

I'd say don't expose her on social media: that's cowardly - do it to her face.

also the consequences for calling her out on social could get out of hand if goes viral - she doesn't deserve a million people giving her a kicking - and you don't deserve the blowback that would come your way. too.

I see that could be annoying, but me personally I wouldn't have a problem with this. She is trying her hardest. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. It is hard and sometimes you need some flexibility.

@CurryWorst

Bollocks. Trying your hardest would be not consuming animal products at all. Nobody makes you drink milk in your coffee, its the easiest thing in the world to have it black or simply not have the coffee at all. It isn't hard and there is no flexibility, you are either vegan or you are not vegan. If you are flexible you are not vegan.

I don't give a flying fuck what people choose to eat, but I do care when people lecture others and wank on about their higher choices while lying their asses off and eating the stuff they give out to others about. Stupid fuckers.

This made me laugh way more than it should have. 😂😂

And yeah I agree. It's fine to do your best, and try as hard as you can to not eat dairy/drink milk etc, (and fail now and again,) none of us are perfect.

But do NOT call yourself a vegan, because you are NOT one unless you have animal products NO dairy whatsoever, and nothing MADE with animal products or dairy!

And quit the bloody preaching, the subtweets, the #hashtagvegan and #ethicallysourced and #iamafuckingbetterpersonthanyou bollocks. And STOP calling yourself a vegan when you are not. And no honey, there is no such thing as being 90% vegan.

@Curious2468

I have a friend like this. She flits between being vegan and eating meat all the time. I find she is more vegan when talking to other vegan friends and think a large amount of it is her trying to live up to what she sees as other people's expectations.

This ^ I know quite a number of people like this - all millennials (18 to 28,) and all female, and all without fail bang on every fucking day (on social media,) about veganism, ethical living, how we would all be better people if we went vegan, blah blah blah fucking blah. But behind closed doors they eat pizza with cheese on it, and biscuits and cake made with milk and eggs.

FUCK

RIGHT

OFF

@mupflup

I am full of admiration for real, genuine vegans who stick to their principles and live their life in that way for a reason. What annoys the fuck out of me is people who jump on the bandwagon and pretend to be one because they think it makes them look cool / caring / ethical / whatever. Not what its all about at all.

This ^

@mupflup

I used to work with someone who claimed (loudly at every opportunity) she was vegan but regularly ate things that contained dairy or other animal produce, wore leather shoes etc. Every time I called her out on it she would say 'oh really? But look at the packet, it doesn't say anywhere that it's not suitable for vegans so it must be fine' or 'lots of vegans eat this'. She was a silly attention seeking cow (see what I did there!) in lots of ways though.

Sounds typical of many wannabe/fake vegans.

but meat is murder OP

lol i'd just ignore her she's clearly a total wazock.

@Dreamy

Being vegan isn't to do with not just eating animals and their produce though.

That's why I said EATING vegan not BEING vegan, I do recognise there is a difference between being a vegan and eating food which happens to be vegan/free from animal produce. I do think the use of vegan has developed to encompass this meaning over the past few years.

The OP's preachiness sounds really annoying, but I do hate the absolutism around vegetarianism / veganism / trying to avoid meat on this thread and beyond. If you eat pork once, does that "erase" a year's worth of veganism? If you never eat pork again at which point are you a vegan again? Most people do it from a point of goodness and thoughtfulness, and wouldn't it nice to support people on their mission despite the odd slip up, rather than bitch about them?

What about when the poster says if you cared about your kids you wouldn't let them drink milk?

The reason I hate the absolutism btw is because it's really discouraging. Seeing it in a binary way means people who are struggling to stop eating meat and have a kebab when they're drunk the next day go, fuck it I've messed up and I'm not vegetarian any more so I may as well give up.

I'd much rather someone felt ok to have the odd bacon sandwich but ate no animal products the rest of the time.

And I imagine those people might be extra preachy on social media about it because they're trying to convince and support themselves as much as anyone else. (Although I appreciate that must be annoying for those who have to see it).

Clearly that poster is a bit of a dick move from someone who's not committed to dairy free.

Having said that I think in many ways the dairy industry is pretty damaging and milk isn't very nutritious these days, so tbh I'd rather someone ate an organic grass fed steak than gave their kids milk!

The issue isn't the milk- it's holier than thou and 'you're killing your kids' and then eating cheese butties on the sly.. that's not trying to motivate yourself. Thats trying to push other people down to elevate yourself. That's what I've got the issue with.

The issue isn't the milk- it's holier than thou and 'you're killing your kids' and then eating cheese butties on the sly..

THIS!!
I'm not even exaggerating when I say this but a certain family member does the exact same thing.
If you eat say a bacon sandwich, she says "aw, that poor piggy."
Then when we go out for a lovely breakfast sometime, she'll have sausages.
YOU'RE EATING A FRICKIN PIGGY!!!
But it's different, as she only eats it sometimes.
She'd tell you she's a vegetarian, but she eats chicken.
Eat what you like, but you're not vegan/vegetarian if you eat meat.
Oh and bore off with the guilt trips as THAT is what pisses people off!

Yeah that's hypocrisy pure and simple. Does she really eat cheese sandwiches regularly??

It's a bit like people who post about cruelty to dogs then in the next post taunt veggies with a pic of a bacon sandwich. Cognitive dissonance much? It's almost as if people are not perfect.

Everyone's a hypocrite at sometime

But not usually so vocal about it.

I worked with someone like this...keot going on and on to everyone that she was vegan but then we would see her eating cheese, meat etc. One lunchtime someone said something jokingly and she said that she is vegan but has 1 day off every week in which she eats whatever she likes. you could say something privately if it bothers you THAT much but I wouldnt make a public thing of it. Might be annoying and what not but just ignore or make a joke comment privately..not a big thing

I love the fatheadness of the "cruelty free" meat eaters, who, I presume, only eat dead cows, sheep, pigs and chickens who died of old age and natural causes, preferably in a hospice with twenty four hour nursing care. Get over yourselves: if you like eating meat [and it is your choice to do so] it involves killing healthy young animals so that you can indulge your appetite. Stop mincing about!

As for your friend's hypocrisy, why would anyone bother about it unless they were snide and anxious to take someone down a peg?

I have been a vegetarian for twenty five years, but perhaps half a dozen times a year, when I am staying in an hotel for work, I enjoy a full English breakfast - bacon, sausages, eggs - although I draw the line at black pudding. I see it as the same principle that my Methodist grandma, a staunch teetotaller, enjoyed her weekly glass of home made rhubarb wine - easily as alcoholic as the heaviest Australian claret.

Have you ever thought, OP, of minding your own business?

Yep you can be sanctimonious and annoying regardless of what you eat. On reflection the colleague's social media stuff would be annoying even if she were a "real" vegan.

I bet many of the people getting worked up about this specific issue probably feel defensive about their own meat and dairy eating habits...