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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how I am expected to encourage walking if she won't walk?

190 replies

ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave · 28/12/2017 12:48

DD is 2.6 and has a hip dysplasia in both hips. I've been told the condition doesn't cause physical delay, but she didn't meet any of her physical milestones on time, she's been reviewed by a physio and paediatrician who both cannot see any other reason for a physical delay after full body X-rays, MRI scans and a CT.

DD only started walking at the end of April, just 2 months shy of her 2nd Birthday. When she walks she walks well, but the majority of the time she flat out refuses to walk. We've been told to "encourage walking where we can by not carrying her and to punish her for crawling where she can walk". We've also been told the condition doesn't cause any ill effects in the child and she should not suffer pain or stiffness.

Until the snow and ice set in DD was doing well and had gone days using walking instead of crawling compared to hours, and we hardly needed to pick her up. But now the very cold weather has set in we're back to square one. She's been lying in bed since she woke up screaming because I won't carry her, I've tried bribery, putting the heating on and just plain ignoring her but I'm going to have to pick her up soon as I need to go to the bank and the chemist in town, so we'll need to get dressed. Nursery said yesterday she hardly walked at all and was crawling everywhere, they have said they WILL not punish her for crawling as they're worried it'll discourage her from moving at all.

She has a speech delay and is struggling to tell us the problem so it's a bit of guess work but this is the only reason I can see her for her sudden problems. When I asked her orthopedic consultant and paediatrician they both said even if she would not walk I was to walk away and leave her crying, and to put her in a timeout if she crawls instead of walks, they said to be consistent and she'll get it eventually. They've said it's a behaviour issue NOT a hip dysplasia problem.

But nothings working. I've tried ignoring and she's still in bed after being awake since 8.30, and the time outs don't work as she doesn't understand why she's in it as she her she's just getting around. When i told the consultant/paeds this they both just shrugged and told me she had to walk as they'll be advising me to ditch the stroller when she gets to 3 and she can't crawl around outside safely. I've changed orthopedic consultant twice now and all 3 have said the same Hmm apparently it's the hospitals policy. And the paediatrician is good in all other areas so I don't want to change him unless I have to.

So what can I do? AIBU to carry my child when she's obviously struggling? and to not punish for her crawling instead of walking. It seems cruel to leave her crying in bed when I can do something about it.

OP posts:
FlakeBook · 02/01/2018 11:04

Haven't rtft, apologies.

But OP, she is your child. You need to have confidence in yourself and what you know to be best for your dd.

Medical professionals can help but they are not always right and they are not living with the day to day like you are. You have to find your own way.

Can you take her swimming at the weekend when you have access to a car? Our local pool has a free disability swimming session on a Sunday. Yours may have similar. There are also disability gymnastics classes here (and we are rural so there would be more in a bigger town I think).

Are you receiving DLA for your dd? That might help to cover some costs.

FlakeBook · 02/01/2018 11:07

My child has autism.

If I had done what I was advised...

I would have punished for soiling and toilet accidents.

He wouldn't have a Statement or a 1:1 in school.

He would have been forced into places that damaged his mental health.

He wouldn't have a diagnosis.

FlakeBook · 02/01/2018 11:08

It's hard and a slog and makes you feel shit. But it's necessary to challenge and (politely) insist.

ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave · 03/01/2018 07:50

So doubting myself now but think it's just me being silly.

DD has had an awful cough and cold all night. So I'm keeping her off Nursery and dosing her up on calpol. She has asthma as well as hip problems so I have to be careful that she doesn't develop breathing problems, this wind won't help that, so staying home in the warm.

But still doubting myself, what if she's just been coming down with a cold all this time? It's silly because she's clingy again and wants carrying but has a fever so I know it's illness

OP posts:
ladystarkers · 03/01/2018 07:59

I would not punish herShock

ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave · 03/01/2018 08:20

Lady I haven't been punishing her after asking for advise on here. I've been encouraging but not punishing as it went against my instincts but didn't want to ignore medical advice so posted on here.

OP posts:
ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave · 07/01/2018 15:40

So thought I'd post a quick update.

I phoned DDs consultant on Friday and told her that I was concerned she wasn't walking very far and could she recommend what to do until we're seen in clinic on 16th. She told me to try buying her a different style of shoe. She learnt to walk in those pram shoe type things you know the soft sock type ones? So she told me to get hard soled but light shoes rather than just buying anything from a supermarket, she recommended Startrite. Expensive but at this point I'll do anything to make it work. Consultant wondered if the support wasn't enough and causing pain walking.

So took DD yesterday to get a pair. She had a choice of 3 colours all the same style and she chose her own (I told her she's a big girl now and big girls get to wear nice shoes so they can play in the park with their friends). She chose the pair I liked least but as I'm not the one wearing them I didn't complain (well not in earshot of her and more in a "she has completely different tastes to me" kinda way).

And they seem to be working! She wore them to the supermarket today and she walked around the supermarket and helped me with the shopping. She didn't manage the whole way round but she did walk quite a bit, and I just put her in the trolley for the rest of the time.

Still struggling a bit in the mornings and Nursery say she struggles getting up from naps, but the shoes have helped.

£40 well spent I think. She loves her shoes too. Saw my MIL in supermarket and DD says "Grandma shoes" and pointed at them. It's amazing what the right pair of shoes does for a girl eh? Grin

OP posts:
blackdoggotmytongue · 07/01/2018 15:46

That’s super cute. It’s good to find things that help. Dd2 wore orthopaedic boots for the first three years that she was walking - they gave her the support she needed. The consultant sounds fab, so hopefully 16th will be helpful too x

snozzlemaid · 07/01/2018 15:53

Aaah. Great to read a such a lovely positive update.
So sweet to hear how she loves her new shoes.
Hope things continue to improve for you all.

katycb · 07/01/2018 16:28

I could have written this my twins are now 4 but didn't walk until they were just shy of 2 due to hypermobility. They also have a speech delay (which is now a lot better but still there!) Be reasured that they now are fab walkers and have no ongoing issues in that area but it was a long slog- Especially in the winter! I have 2 tips- Someone mentioned swimming- this has really helped my 2 strengthen muscles and also they have always been quite good at it so it has built up their confidence
Also I found going to places that they could crawl or walk if they wanted worked well at this age- Like soft play and role play places and then I'd do short spells of putting things out of reach and then just letting them play.
The additional problem I had wsa that I couldn't physically carry them both so ended up using a buggy for a lot longer than I envisaged!
Hang in their though- My twin who was latest to walk is dancing in a show with her ballet school at a proffesional theatre next month.... 2 years ago i would never have thought this possible, she will get there eventually!

katycb · 07/01/2018 16:30

Oh yes, and they had orthapeadic shoes 2 for a bit and after that I made sure they had more substantial than normal Clarks or Startright ones...that did make a difference!

ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave · 07/01/2018 17:07

Katy Thank you, how love that your twins are doing so well. I bet you're very proud Grin.

Will definitely mention orthopedic shoes to the consultant on 16th, I want to avoid surgery if I can just because she has a chest issues (asthma and possible CF) and a suspected autoimmune disease so any kind of General Anesthetic is risky with her.

OP posts:
Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 07/01/2018 17:27

If she also has a speech delay some of the non walking may be a control thing of doing what she wants. My son had a speech delay and went through a stage of refusing to stop doing one thing and start another. However this stopped once his speech improved and could voice what he wanted.

Mountainpika · 07/01/2018 17:39

Haven't read all the posts so ignore me if this has been suggested.

It occurred to me that you could get her a magic pair of socks and gloves. Fix a long cord to each and tie the ends to a couple of pencils or something.
Little one wears them, put some music on and you act as 'puppeteer' so she dances. As gently or as lively as she likes. Get her a puppet on strings that she can pull the strings as well.

Just a though from an old granny.

isadoradancing123 · 07/01/2018 17:52

I would be demanding she be seen at Birmingham by a paediatric orthopaedic surgeon. It must be painful or something for her as it would be her natural instinct to walk if she felt confident doing so. Def don't think punishment is the answer

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