To ask how I am expected to encourage walking if she won't walk?

[ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave]

DD is 2.6 and has a hip dysplasia in both hips. I've been told the condition doesn't cause physical delay, but she didn't meet any of her physical milestones on time, she's been reviewed by a physio and paediatrician who both cannot see any other reason for a physical delay after full body X-rays, MRI scans and a CT.

DD only started walking at the end of April, just 2 months shy of her 2nd Birthday. When she walks she walks well, but the majority of the time she flat out refuses to walk. We've been told to "encourage walking where we can by not carrying her and to punish her for crawling where she can walk". We've also been told the condition doesn't cause any ill effects in the child and she should not suffer pain or stiffness.

Until the snow and ice set in DD was doing well and had gone days using walking instead of crawling compared to hours, and we hardly needed to pick her up. But now the very cold weather has set in we're back to square one. She's been lying in bed since she woke up screaming because I won't carry her, I've tried bribery, putting the heating on and just plain ignoring her but I'm going to have to pick her up soon as I need to go to the bank and the chemist in town, so we'll need to get dressed. Nursery said yesterday she hardly walked at all and was crawling everywhere, they have said they WILL not punish her for crawling as they're worried it'll discourage her from moving at all.

She has a speech delay and is struggling to tell us the problem so it's a bit of guess work but this is the only reason I can see her for her sudden problems. When I asked her orthopedic consultant and paediatrician they both said even if she would not walk I was to walk away and leave her crying, and to put her in a timeout if she crawls instead of walks, they said to be consistent and she'll get it eventually. They've said it's a behaviour issue NOT a hip dysplasia problem.

But nothings working. I've tried ignoring and she's still in bed after being awake since 8.30, and the time outs don't work as she doesn't understand why she's in it as she her she's just getting around. When i told the consultant/paeds this they both just shrugged and told me she had to walk as they'll be advising me to ditch the stroller when she gets to 3 and she can't crawl around outside safely. I've changed orthopedic consultant twice now and all 3 have said the same apparently it's the hospitals policy. And the paediatrician is good in all other areas so I don't want to change him unless I have to.

So what can I do? AIBU to carry my child when she's obviously struggling? and to not punish for her crawling instead of walking. It seems cruel to leave her crying in bed when I can do something about it.

I didn't say you didn't use it at home. But you did say that nursery use it with her and have taught you and your husband some signs and it was their suggestion that you use it.

All of which sounds to me very much like nursery took the lead in it and it wasn't something you'd already looked into.

Simple signs can be used with children from a few months old and they build it up, much as they would do with spoken vocabulary. She's not going to pick it up as quickly as you and your husband. She's 2.

If you'd been active in this, it wouldn't have required nursery to suggest it because you'd already have been on the case. Hence, being passive in it.

I also think the doctors' advice doesn't sound right. Praise and encouragement is the way forward in my view. Also, they are competitive little things so lots of "I bet you can't get to your bedroom before me", " I bet you can't reach that toy" might help.

Little His shifts vary, sometimes he's in 7am-1/2/3pm, sometimes 9am-5/6/7pm, sometimes he does noon-6/7/8pm, and then sometimes it's 4-10pm. It changes day to day and we don't know his shifts in advance, he's in retail and his boss hates him so won't let him pick shifts. I also work 3 days a week, which is when DD goes to Nursery. I work not far from the Nursery in a residential old peoples home and my hours work around the Nursery run/times. But it makes it difficult.

Well I don't give a crap what the paediatrician says. No child at her age would stay in bed all day just to avoid walking.

Children generally WANT to walk and run about. And while they may say there is no medical reason for her not to walk I would bet my bottom dollar that she isn't doing this just to be difficult.

I'd let her move around however she likes
Maybe keep a diary to see if you can spot any patterns.
Encourage walking but don't insist on it or punish her if she doesn't.

Poor button

She's 3 at end of June, we looked into a private SALT but we just can't afford it, we don't pay for her to go to Nursery as she gets the think 2 funding.

She's had hearing tests and passes them apart from at the quieter end of the scale which the ENT/Audiologists said isn't a worry at the moment. She's clear for glue ear. There's no known cause for her speech delay, I've always done loads with her - baby groups, we read, sing, go for walks in the park, I give a running commentary of what I'm doing etc. She says a few words and she babbles but we can't understand most of it.

I didn't even know sign language existed for such young children Snow otherwise I'd have suggested it. I am proactive with her, I organise meetings with the Nursery when there's an update, and I ask if there's anything they can suggest we do with her - they're more experienced in this than me as they've been open longer than I've been alive and dealt with children like DD before, so I can't see how I can do much more as I don't know what's out there and available or what might work. I do research and make suggestions where it's relevant but yes I do take my lead from the Nursery as they're more experienced than me in this kind of thing.

Maybe find out the times of the pools and have all the swimming stuff ready in one bag. That way you can go when you are both home from work early enough. It doesn’t have to be a set thing you do every Wednesday or whatever. You might end up going twice in a week then not go for a fortnight.

Both of my children have bilateral DDH (for us that meant both hips were dislocated from birth).

Is your daughter having any treatment? I may have missed that response but I’m surprised that it’s not being treated at this stage (both of mine had early intervention).

Both children were slower to walk than their peers. I never once ‘forced’ them to walk and allowed them to develop at their own pace. Our consultant was supportive of this.

Both do swim lessons every week but I don’t really see that impacting on them walking.

At 4 and 2 both children sometimes get tired and want to be carried.. they’re still young so I have no problems with this.

The consultant is correct in that, at this age, DDH won’t cause any pain but, if left untreated, it will lead to earlier hip/joint pain and a potential limp/swagger. Early intervention is very effective and worth considering if at all possible.

cake the diary is a good idea thank you, I'll get the Nursery to note when she's crawling there as well (her keyworker will be happy to) maybe the Paeds/Consultants will take not if it's written in black and white.

Caffeine DD is also bilateral in both hips. She was in a pavlik harness from 8 weeks old until just before she turned 6 months old, had physio at 18 months old, but now we're "watching and waiting" as it might fix itself but if not when she's 3 they'll operate - she's 3 at end of June.

I’m really concerned to read all this, especially as her hips are still displaced and she can’t have any more surgery for 6 or 7 months. If she doesn’t want to walk, she probably can’t and I’d be seeking further medical advice from a reputed hip surgeon - I can really recommend you see Mr O’Hara in Birmingham privately if you can afford it.

This is all ringing alarm bells with me as I had hip dysplasia as a child and they mistreated it for the first few years and actually made it worse. I know this was a long time, but I’m still a member of STEPS charity and it’s still happening today.

I really recommend that you seek some more medical advice and join STEPS and use the forums there

I can't believe doctors told you to punish a child with bilateral hip dysplasia for not walking! Encourage and praise, of course - but not punish. She isn't being naughty.

My son had this in his right hip, spent three weeks in traction when he was 8 months old and had a closed reduction in theatre, followed by 9 months in a cast from waist to toes. He came out of the cast at 17 months and walked at 22 months. He had to learn how to sit up, then crawl, then pull himself up. He tried so hard, and wanted to walk, BUT his hip had been fixed - so he wasn't in pain.

I can tell you that my son definitely suffered pain prior to the hip being fixed. Your daughter has the problem on both sides, so may have more discomfort and not have good balance, which won't help.

I'm a bit confused as to why they won't deal with the problem before she's three. Why?

All you can do is enciurGe and praise her efforts.

@chocolate I also think that actually the hip dysplasia could be a red herring here.

Has anyone ever discussed global development delay with you?

They're keen to assume that the not walking is because of the hip issues but maybe it's nothing to do with it...

So really the peadiatricians are contradicting themselves because if she may need more surgery then there is still something physically wrong and even if it is just uncomfort from that then her reluctance to walk is understandable. It sounds almost like they have taken “there is nothing we can do at this point so tough” approach sadly.

Fresh we can't afford privately, if I could I would get it done now. I'd get myself into debt for it, but we have a poor credit rating, live in a tiny HA flat and even though we both work it's tough when we're both on NMW. I'd sell a kidney if I could as it's not fair on DD.

Is she being treated at a specialist children’s hospital? If not are you close enough to one to push for referral to them?

They won't operate before 3 because she's had 2 courses of treatment (the pavlik harness and the physio) in the past which should have fixed it, and they've said she needs to be walking a year before they can make a decision. It's all on the NHS so I'm assuming it's to try and save money

I always think that kids respond better when they are not needing anything so maybe have a bit more of a casual approach and once she has had breakfast, played a little and got dressed etc then maybe play with her where you are encouraging her to walk without her realising.

If she is hungry and just woken (my DD needs time to come around properly before she can be even half rational) then she will fight against it.

Definitely don’t punish her. Pick her up as much as she wants/needs. But also try making a really big fuss of praising her when she does walk, even if it is just a step. Clap and smile and tell her how clever she is. My daughter had similar issues, we used food as encouragement to take small steps as she’s always loved to eat, so would put a treat just out of crawling reach so she had to take a step for it. Then really praised her for doing so. It’s a slow frustrating process but adding stress or punishment to the process will do her no good.

sirzy Not a specialist childrens hospital no. The Orthopedic Consultant is based at one hospital the paediatrician at another those hospitals are 30 miles apart and technically in different PCTs, the town I'm in is not in either PCT so we can choose which we use. She was born at the hospital with the Orthopedic Consultants in but the health visitor referred her to the Child Development Centre at the other hospital as thats where ENT/Audiology are. It's all very confusing.

Nearest childrens hospital is Birmingham which is 50 miles or so from where I am.

Just read that it was lunchtime and she was still in bed. I would reckon that this means that she is finding it hard or even impossible to walk at that time. I am sure that a child would try and leave the bedroom if they could after that length of time.

She's eaten now, and is playing with her kitchen so I've just been watching. I've put some chocolate santas (small ones that were on Christmas Tree) in the Microwave of her Kitchen (it's the aldi one for anyone who's bothered) she's 85cm tall when stood and the microwave is 90cm from the ground so if she finds them she can have them. I keep telling her to find the Santas in her kitchen.

If your little girl loves babies then I suggest buying a solid wooden dolls pram like this
www.amazon.co.uk/Wooden-Princess-Pushchair-Children-Pretend/dp/B00D01LBXG/ref=sr_1_15?keywords=wooden+dolls+pram&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1514471370&sr=8-15
and letting her pick a dolly/ baby to put in it. We put several old-style yellow pages under the quilt and dolly so it wouldn't run away from our daughter and she loved it! If your dd doesn't need the pram for support then I suggest a sturdy wheeled one that she can push to nursery.

www.amazon.co.uk/Bayer-Design-Doll-Pram-Trendy/dp/B008YGDNRE/ref=sr_1_1?s=kids&keywords=dolls+pram+suitable+for+2+year+old&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1514471701&sr=1-1

www.petalinadolls.co.uk/dolls-furniture-dolls-prams-pushchairs/corolle-mon-premier-stroller.htm

This site sell lovely first babies

www.petalinadolls.co.uk/dolls/?filter_age_0=2-years&filter_age_1=18-months

I would try to encourage her to walk inside and let her crawl when she wants to. I would take the pressure off walking so no trying to force it. Offer your little one a treat to encourage her to walk or crawl to you. Do you have a sling? I know using preschool size slings can be controversial on mn but I would have one in my bag for those times you are out and your little girls don't want to walk. I have a friend who's lg had hip dysplasia and she often carried her in a toddler size/ pre-school carrier (I think a connecta) when she didn't want to walk, it supported her hips properly (in the correct position with the sling reaching to just under her knees to support her) and was easier to take for encouraging her little one to walk (it's a nightmare pushing a buggy and holding a toddler by the hand).

Also, we had a push along toy that she really loved and really helped.
Like this one
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B01LXBV4TB/ref=mp_s_a_1_11?keywords=push+along+walker&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1514472432&sr=8-11

I agree with doing activities that encourage standing and walking. We had "you must make him" about ds from a physio when he was young. It never worked and they realised later it was the wrong approach.

My son didn’t walk till 16 months and crawled still after that. He still wants to be carried in the morning/when he wakes for naps. However he does walk far now especially when it has a purpose, eg soft play/off to feed the birds etc. I set up a kitchen for him (pots and pans etc) on chairs so he has to stand. Staying sandpits/railway track on a high coffee table also good. It’s been suggested already but he loves a pushchair also. Wishing you well xxx