To ask how I am expected to encourage walking if she won't walk?

[ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave]

DD is 2.6 and has a hip dysplasia in both hips. I've been told the condition doesn't cause physical delay, but she didn't meet any of her physical milestones on time, she's been reviewed by a physio and paediatrician who both cannot see any other reason for a physical delay after full body X-rays, MRI scans and a CT.

DD only started walking at the end of April, just 2 months shy of her 2nd Birthday. When she walks she walks well, but the majority of the time she flat out refuses to walk. We've been told to "encourage walking where we can by not carrying her and to punish her for crawling where she can walk". We've also been told the condition doesn't cause any ill effects in the child and she should not suffer pain or stiffness.

Until the snow and ice set in DD was doing well and had gone days using walking instead of crawling compared to hours, and we hardly needed to pick her up. But now the very cold weather has set in we're back to square one. She's been lying in bed since she woke up screaming because I won't carry her, I've tried bribery, putting the heating on and just plain ignoring her but I'm going to have to pick her up soon as I need to go to the bank and the chemist in town, so we'll need to get dressed. Nursery said yesterday she hardly walked at all and was crawling everywhere, they have said they WILL not punish her for crawling as they're worried it'll discourage her from moving at all.

She has a speech delay and is struggling to tell us the problem so it's a bit of guess work but this is the only reason I can see her for her sudden problems. When I asked her orthopedic consultant and paediatrician they both said even if she would not walk I was to walk away and leave her crying, and to put her in a timeout if she crawls instead of walks, they said to be consistent and she'll get it eventually. They've said it's a behaviour issue NOT a hip dysplasia problem.

But nothings working. I've tried ignoring and she's still in bed after being awake since 8.30, and the time outs don't work as she doesn't understand why she's in it as she her she's just getting around. When i told the consultant/paeds this they both just shrugged and told me she had to walk as they'll be advising me to ditch the stroller when she gets to 3 and she can't crawl around outside safely. I've changed orthopedic consultant twice now and all 3 have said the same apparently it's the hospitals policy. And the paediatrician is good in all other areas so I don't want to change him unless I have to.

So what can I do? AIBU to carry my child when she's obviously struggling? and to not punish for her crawling instead of walking. It seems cruel to leave her crying in bed when I can do something about it.

Is it possible that she is in pain?
Might it be worth giving a dose of calpol or neurofen just to see if she becomes more mobile afte painkillers? I totally understand that giving unnecessary medications to children is usually best avoided, but a one off, size appropriate dose, won't do any harm & may give some answers

I don’t think I punished my two year olds for anything, distraction and encouragement much more effective. Maybe if they hit someone, but that’s about it - certainly not for motor skills/speech skills.

My DS was a very late developer.

When he eventually crawled he still wasn't pulling himself up so I made a game of it, a pile of sofa cushions in a mountain on the floor and a trail of raisins. He followed the food and soon taught himself to pull up to try and get the next one.

Make obstacle courses maybe a chocolate button on a dining room chair placed at different points around the room. Make it fun. Find something nice to motivate her. Don't punish, it doesn't work for training animals or toddlers.

is she in pain?
try pain relief (ibuprofen or paracetamol).
how is she in water? swimming/splashing is great for general strength.

I agree with pp, try giving her doses of paracetamol and brufen for one or two days and see if there's an improvement.

I'm gobsmacked that you've been told to punish her for not walking. Sounds like terrible advice.

Encouragement and praise works far better than punishment.

Sorry for delay in responses DH came home from work earlier than expected so took the opportunity to go the bank and chemist and leave DD in the cold.

DH suspects she's in pain as he tried to change her nappy while I was out and she apparently pulled her legs away and looked very sad. She can't have ibuprofen as she's allergic but will give calpol and see if that helps.

She's got an appointment with her orthopedic consultant on 16th January which is just over two weeks away, I wouldn't get a GPs appointment quicker so I'm going to go to this appointment and if I'm not happy with what they say then ask for a referral to Birmingham, and if they won't there's a GP at my Doctors Surgery whose very understanding about things like this so I'll book in to see her and see if she can help.

Until then I will encourage her and stop punishing. She loves chocolate so I'll start with that. And also contact Steps. I posted on their forums before and got no replies but I will ring the helpline when DDs in Nursery tomorrow and I get my break at work.

*leave DD in the house while I went out in the cold, I wouldn't leave DD in the cold!

Remember for paracetamol to be truly affective you need to give it regularly. Try for 1/2 days 4x a day.
What about a nice warm bath too or hot water bottle on lower back/hips?

@chocolate, to get a second opinion you need to go back to your GP not ask your current consultant. My gp was quite happy to help.

in the meantime if I were you I would keep your consultant appointment in January and with the help of the relevant helpline have a written list of questions and write their replies.

I agree with pp who suggested looking into something like global development delay. You mention that her gross motor skills were all delayed, speech is delayed and things like her pincer grip. Might just be worth considering.

Personally, I don’t agree with rewarding her for walking. Most children walk because they want to, are physically able to and discover it’s less effort than crawling. So the fact that she doesn’t walk much in the house indicates she finds it too difficult for whatever reason or is in pain. (It’s not like a 2/3 year old who has been walking confidently for a year and is refusing to walk home from the shops and you need to offer an incentive).

By rewarding her for walking you are effectively saying when she doesn’t/can’t walk she is ‘bad/rubbish/naughty’ and possibly setting her up to fail.

Especially as she could be in pain and can’t tell you, it could be her way of communicating this to you and you risk shutting that communication down and getting her to walk anyway to get a reward/please you.

Even really young children pick up on when you are pleased/displeased with them and I wouldn’t want her to feel her inability to walk is something that displeases you.

I would be especially wary about rewarding with chocolate. Food should be food, not a reward. Many adults end up ‘rewarding’ themselves with cakes/chocolate (after a hard day in Work/when kids are in bed,etc). I am always careful not to give the association that food is a reward.

You know your DD best though and what you think will work for her.

Does she understand if you ask her things like ‘is it sore?’ ‘Where is it sore?’ Can she point and tell you?

She understands most things but if you say "does this hurt?" No matter what she hurt she points to her head and says "here" so I can't know for sure it's pain

Even if removing the punishment idea doesn’t encourage her to walk more soon she’ll be a happier child and I suspect her parents will be happier too. That’s a win in itself.

Xmas I want to be the best parent I can to her so being happier will definitely help her in the long run

Two of my children have disabilities which have made walking difficult for them. They were both reluctant to walk and once they were fully vocal they told us that it hurt to walk sometimes, especially in the cold weather. I am so glad I was never told to punish them for not walking.

We dealt with their reluctance by trying to make them forget it. They were both eager to please (lovely children; I am so lucky to have them) so we tried to make things fun and exciting so that they wanted to come with us when we suggested going into the kitchen, etc. And we made it dull for them to be in their push chairs, or sat in shopping trolleys: they got to explore and cause havoc if they walked, so that was much better as far as they were concerned.

I think you need to back off for a bit, so that you give her a chance to forget that you've been insisting she walk. Carry her when you have to, and stop making it into an issue. Give it a couple of weeks, and keep her in her pushchair often so she gets a bit bored of just sitting there. Then when the weather's better perhaps take her to a park where there are swings and slides and things and see how it goes. She might well want to get out and dash about a bit. You never know.

The Facebook page for Steps is more active so you may get a bigger response there.

When changing nappies please try to avoid lifting baby by the legs/heels . Our consultant advised not to do that as it can dislodge or move the hips. Better to put your hand under baby’s bum to clean, change while they’re on their belly or even on their side (just in case you’re not already doing this).

Caffeine Both us and the Nursery lift by her thighs but I will remind nursery just in case, we were shown how to do it while she was in the PH.

Please don't punish her
Nursery has the right approach.
Time out is harsh and if her communication is delayed she may not understand.
Always use positive reinforcement.
Get her up out of bed whichever way you can in the morning. It is hard to believe they were telling you to leave her in bed for hours to force her to walk? It isnt right. Would she not try to roll out of bed and then crawl? Perhaps is in pain and stiff.

As others said crawling is good for development anyway
When you have at least two issues going on - speech delay, physical -there may be more going on. try and get nursery to arrange a full developmental assessment so she can get any extra help needed.
Something special on CBeebies is goid for learning signs
Also use photos and teach her to swipe thru photos on ipad/tablet. She can choose photos of what she wants or to talk about her day.
Take photos of her typical day throughout the day and look at them with her to encourage language.

First time I've responded to one of these but I was born with hip dysplasia on both sides and a niece of mine had the same thing (hers was rectified by a procedure.)

I'd suggest swimming as a previous poster because it will get her used to using her legs more naturally. You may want to also check with health care professionals that she's maybe not walking due to being in pain if you haven't already? From what I know I didn't walk properly till after surgery for hips due to the pain caused by the dysplasia. (this was twenty years ago when they weren't as good as picking it up or dealing with it.)

Hope she begins to improve with her walking soon.

Ds wasn't keen on walking for ages. He'd choose to either crawl or be carried by me.

He liked to crawl as he could push a car along and watch the wheels as he went.
He liked to be carried as he had glue ear badly and he could hear me when he was up by my mouth.

Neither of which were a pain thing, but a choice which he liked. He was over a year between being able to walk independently and choosing to, even outside in the snow I've a video of him crawling round in it laughing away.

When picking DD up from Nursery I had a chat with the General Manager, she knows DD well as she's also the Nursery SENCO and she says DD has been behaving "differently" at Nursery recently.

They said usually she's a very happy child whose happy to join in with everything, and although she's speech delayed she makes herself understood and will happily show them what she wants i.e. she'll walk to the table with the jug of water and cups on if she wants a drink. But within the last few weeks she's been very shy, quiet and getting upset easily, she's also reluctant to take part or move very far and is needing her blanket (her comfort object) a lot more as she's getting upset.

I asked the GM if she thought DD might be in pain with her hips and she said "yes there's nothing else to explain her behaviour so it must be pain". She's agreed to write a letter I can take to the consultant on 16th January to backup this, as I think the more people saying "actually she is in pain" the more the consultants will listen.

Didn't get a chance to ring Steps but will see if the helpline is open over the weekend and go to my DMs so I can make the phonecall while DD plays there.

Steps is fabulous. They helped me so many times.

My eldest was referred to a consultant who was very confident that he knew how to treat the child. But when I thought about it, I wasn't so sure. I did some research and found out that his treatment might have solved one problem but it would have caused another far bigger one in the future (thank goodness for the internet).

I went to my GP and got a referral to another consultant at a different hospital. It meant we had to go miles away and spend a whole day out for one appointment, but the end result was the right treatment for our child which has given far greater mobility with very few side effects, and it was so worth it. Do not hesitate to ask for a second opinion if you're doubtful, OP. It might well be the best thing to do.

Dose her with Calpol. Poor thing. Notice if you see a difference on pain meds.

My very confident and loved walking toddler keeps wanting me to carry her past few days, I put it done to he slipping on ice a week ago. Has anything similar happened to dent her confidence?

Sounds tough.
I disagree with punishing as well.
I'd try encouraging a few steps to you with your arms held out and then carry to begin with. Gradually doing it from further distances. Build it up slowly.
If she sits and refuses to walk to you, just be pleasant and say "okay, I'm just going to do ....." and go away for maybe 20 seconds then go back and see if she is willing to walk those few steps.
Don't let it stop you doing things. If she won't walk at all, maybe show disappointment, but not punishment 😢
Obviously mega praise for walking or attempts to walk x