To ask how I am expected to encourage walking if she won't walk?

[ChocolateTeddyintheMicrowave]

DD is 2.6 and has a hip dysplasia in both hips. I've been told the condition doesn't cause physical delay, but she didn't meet any of her physical milestones on time, she's been reviewed by a physio and paediatrician who both cannot see any other reason for a physical delay after full body X-rays, MRI scans and a CT.

DD only started walking at the end of April, just 2 months shy of her 2nd Birthday. When she walks she walks well, but the majority of the time she flat out refuses to walk. We've been told to "encourage walking where we can by not carrying her and to punish her for crawling where she can walk". We've also been told the condition doesn't cause any ill effects in the child and she should not suffer pain or stiffness.

Until the snow and ice set in DD was doing well and had gone days using walking instead of crawling compared to hours, and we hardly needed to pick her up. But now the very cold weather has set in we're back to square one. She's been lying in bed since she woke up screaming because I won't carry her, I've tried bribery, putting the heating on and just plain ignoring her but I'm going to have to pick her up soon as I need to go to the bank and the chemist in town, so we'll need to get dressed. Nursery said yesterday she hardly walked at all and was crawling everywhere, they have said they WILL not punish her for crawling as they're worried it'll discourage her from moving at all.

She has a speech delay and is struggling to tell us the problem so it's a bit of guess work but this is the only reason I can see her for her sudden problems. When I asked her orthopedic consultant and paediatrician they both said even if she would not walk I was to walk away and leave her crying, and to put her in a timeout if she crawls instead of walks, they said to be consistent and she'll get it eventually. They've said it's a behaviour issue NOT a hip dysplasia problem.

But nothings working. I've tried ignoring and she's still in bed after being awake since 8.30, and the time outs don't work as she doesn't understand why she's in it as she her she's just getting around. When i told the consultant/paeds this they both just shrugged and told me she had to walk as they'll be advising me to ditch the stroller when she gets to 3 and she can't crawl around outside safely. I've changed orthopedic consultant twice now and all 3 have said the same apparently it's the hospitals policy. And the paediatrician is good in all other areas so I don't want to change him unless I have to.

So what can I do? AIBU to carry my child when she's obviously struggling? and to not punish for her crawling instead of walking. It seems cruel to leave her crying in bed when I can do something about it.

I do drive but DH takes the car to work so it'll cost me £11 to go swimming together (£5.50 on bus, £4.50 to get in pool) and it's £10 per lesson and then paying to get her there, but I would love her to go swimming regularly. The local council pool closed a few years ago when they built the big one in the next town.

Gymnastic sounds good though, how would I go about finding a class near by?

LieIn your approach sounds much nicer than what the OP has been told.

TBH I would listen to your child. If she was happy to walk and then suddenly stopped, there is a reason for it. And it’s much more likely to be pain than behaviour.

Mine loved pushing along a shopping trolley - got it for 99p from charity shop - they seemed to prefer it to pushchair - which was a pain at time as pushchair would collapse down. They could put toys and other stuff in and I think it felt bit more stable and solid.

I let mine jump in and out of pushchairs till quite late – when they got tried they got in or moved young child to sling or their lap and they’d get in– saved arguing and I think it made them more willing to try walking.

Was she a bottom shuffler? Friend of mine had one who was and she didn't walk till week after her second birthday took till 3rd before she was running round like a normal child. It was investigated but no reason found though no one suggested punishing the child only encouraging standing and walking.

Parks are a good suggestion as well - they see other children running round and want to join in.

She was an army crawler for ages (you know on her belly crawling round rather up on arms proper crawling) but didn't even start that until 14 months.

Is she hypermobile?

LieIn I think she may be but the paediatrician won't start investigations into it until she's bigger.

I wouldn’t get into a battle of wills. Just carry when she asks to be carried, let her crawl when she wants to. You can encourage walking in other ways, give her lots of opportunities to want to walk, so go to places where she will want to get out of the pram, etc. Go to parks, play places, etc.

Crawling is really good for building core strength and co-ordination so playing crawling games with her (pretending to both be lions/babies,etc).

My DD1 was almost 2 when she walked and progress was really really slow. It sounds very similar to your DD. She was in a pram for a long time. I was told similar to you. I was I’ve 2 other DC and they walked fine so don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s a parenting issue.

There’s either going to be a cause for her not walking that they’ve not found yet or she will just catch up. Either way, punishing her for not walking won’t help.

What treatment has she received for hip dysplasia? At what age was it discovered? My daughter had a pavlik harness as a baby.

I asked because friend was told bottom shuffler's were often, though not always, late to walk because they had arms free to grab things more readily than normal crawlers.

That doesn’t sound like it applies to your DD.

DS did that type of crawl to start though he was very young - he had an older sibling to get after - told it was common first stage to proper crawling.

Honestly I’d try and find fun ways to encourage her and just keep at.

I had this condition OP. My walking was also delayed but swimming helped me enormously. It gave me lots of confidence and my walking soon followed suit. I ended up competing in national cross country events as a teenager so didn’t do me too much harm long term!
I know you said swimming would be difficult but if you can find a way to make it work I’d really recommend it. Purely based on an example of one though!
I hated gymnastics and found it much harder than my peers which was very frustrating and made things worse. But again that could just be me!

She sounds a lot like both my DDs. DD2's speech was slightly delayed which does make it much harder to understand what is going on.

I think finding activities that your DD enjoys could be the key to getting her moving. Swimming and gymnastics were hits with both my DDs. DD1 also loves dancing, DD2 is less keen. Try Mumsnet local for any toddler gym class recommendations (or Netmums).

Thank you Little, she love babies so pretending to be one she will love :)

We go to parks and soft play centres where she needs to climb (i.e. stand or walk) a lot and Nursery do go in their garden a lot although it's safe if she does decide to crawl (we don't have a garden)

No experience with this so feel free to ignore me. Both my boys have been confident walkers from 12mo but they still like to be carried places and need the pushchair for long distances. Time-out/ naughty step does not work for under 3you. They just don't have the mental capacity to link the punishment to the crime. Also I don't really believe in punishing children for things out of their control. Positive reinforcement for desirable behavior and distraction from undesirable behavior.
Try the treat approach. But she will do it when she is ready

Discovered when she was first born, it's in both hips. She was in a pavlik harness from 8 weeks old until she was nearly 6 months old, and had weekly physio while she was in it. At 18 months old she had physio as she had only just started walking - she had 10 weekly sessions of physio.

At her last x-ray in September her hips were still dysplased but they won't operate until she's 3 so she's got a repeat x-ray in January to see if she goes on the list for surgery which will then take place in July as her birthday is late June.

Will try and find a way to make swimming work as I do think she'd enjoy it.

*Not walking at 18months crawling

Not sure punishing not walking is the best approach. Rather praising walking. Lots of attention. Some games such as a simple assault course. Possibly with things that have to be crushed with feet baloons etc at various points. This is so the course has to be walked.

My dd knee walked for months and midwife said the walk rather than crawl as the like to hold stuff and walk and cant when crawling. Knee walking means they dont need this so took ages toget her up. Maybe encourage her to hold things somehow.

Any doctor who says 'leave them to cry if they won't walk' hasn't had to bring up a stubborn toddler. DT1 has cried herself to sleep on the pavement rather than walk, and I've had a random stranger threaten to call social services because I'd left DT2 to cry while taking DS and DT1 on a bit before going back to get her. And neither of them have any physical reason to not walk apart from their natural disinclination!
In addition, punishing a child that young for doing something that comes naturally is an appalling idea. Both cruel and futile, surely? (Not getting at you at all, OP, but shocked that professionals recommend it. Nursery sound much better at actually looking after the whole child).
Look up positive parenting techniques - there should be lots to help you work out how to encourage your poor DD to walk.
Basically, praise her every time she does it, ignore crawling.
Putting things high up on her toy kitchen sounds sensible, also PPs' suggestions of gymnastics and swimming.

Nursery are teaching her sign language and she knows quite a bit (they've helped me/DH to learn too) but it's slow progress.

Is there a reason why you're being very passive in your child's development?

In your position, I would have been learning and using signing extra to nursery. Even if I hadn't been aware of it, or how to go about it, beforehand, once I knew, I'd be developing my knowledge myself.

That, and your response to the doctors' advice, suggests that you're waiting for others to solve this for you rather than seeking out alternative solutions.

I would read 'encouraging' as providing opportunities and not immediately resorting to the default of picking her up; rewarding efforts and incorporating it into playing.

I agree that some sort of activity like swimming or baby gym would help.

Snow Where did I say we don't use it at home? We do use it at home, all the time, but DD doesn't always respond using sign so it can take while to work out what she's saying plus she doesn't know as many signs as me/DH do as she's not picked it up very quickly. The Nursery are brilliant and it was there suggestion to help us learn it. I was just explaining that she does know some.

Of course I don't want someone to solve this for me, she's my child and I will do everything I can to help her, I was just struggling as to what to do in this situation as my instinct was to ignore medical advise and I didn't want to do that can cause more problems for DD. So I posted for suggestions and have been given some. I think asking for help when you need it makes you a better parent and it isn't a bad thing to ask for as no-one did it with no help whatsoever.

Does she see a salt? They should be able to arrange for you to attend a course to learn the signs

www.steps-charity.org.uk/conditions/hip-dysplasia-ddh/
Contact these people they may be able to get you some help with Hydrotherapy for your dd my dear Good Luck

SALT won't see her until just before her 3rd birthday, Nursery and Health Visitor have chased it up on several occasions as she was referred just before her 2nd birthday but they won't even access her before her birthday as apparently they've got a huge year long waiting list to see a SALT.

What time does your DP get back from work? If not too late, an evening swim then changed into pyjamas can be great.

Making little obstacle courses indoors with cushions,etc. Make it so she can still do it crawling so there’s no pressure on.
Maybe put music on and dance carrying her, she may choose to follow. Again, no pressure.

Has she got a toy pram/toy trolly to push?

When is she 3? If a while off may be worth looking for private speech therapy if you can?

I would ask your nursery sen to arrange a meeting possibly with portage pr outside support so that you can discuss strategies and how to encourage walking and talking....the speech delay to me sounds a worry - have they done investigations like hearing? If a child cant talk it can cause other issues through frustration so giving her some method of communication is important an agreed list of signs and maybe actual photographs that everyone is working on would be a typical starting point....is it possible that the not walking is her form of temper/control that all toddlers go through?
Portage works on tasks like walking by breaking it down into small manageable tasks like walking a few steps from table to table.
I wuld remove low chairs and put toys and games on low tables to encourage standing around them yes she will use the table as a support but stepping will become natural.