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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared about mil staying?

279 replies

BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 10:58

Mil is staying in our home tomorrow for 2 weeks. She is from non-european country and doesn't speak English. I've never met her before. I have anxiety and depression and a 4 month old baby who is having a sleep regression and is ebf. Between us, we also have 2 seven year old daughters and a 6 year old son.

Whilst mil is staying, dh is going to work for 6 hours on 3 of the days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed. Is dh being unreasonable expecting me to cope with this?

OP posts:
MsHarry · 30/12/2017 21:38

Ahh that's great. Hope it continues.

FreshStartToday · 03/01/2018 16:18

Grin Just did a special search as I was wondering how you were getting on. Hope that all continues to go well.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/01/2018 16:27

I hope it's still going OK there OP???
Once this is all over please look hard at your relationship with your DH.
He sounds horrible.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/01/2018 16:29

Keep the MIL, ditch the foul pig of a husband!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/01/2018 16:36

Was thinking of you op. Hope everything's ok

Mil sounds lovely. (DH less so...) get through the visit then maybe have a think about what some of the other posters have said.

Take care Flowers

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 10:38

Sad to say I'm really struggling now everyone.

On Wednesday we all went to a museum - me, DH, my 2 kids, stepdaughter, mil, and the baby. I was looking at an exhibit and my stepdaughter aggressively pushes me and shouts "I can't see because of HER!!!" I nearly fell with the baby. I took dh to one side and told him what happened. He started swearing at me saying I was a drama queen and better shut up. I was so shuck up that I walked out of the museum to calm down.

Fast forward to today. DH has now been at work for 2 days, leaving me to entertain and feed 4 kids including an ebf baby, and mil. Stepdaughter is on naughty overdrive, shouting and me and my 2 kids. When I calmly tell her to stop being rude, she storms off crying to MIL and telling her in Russian god-knows-what about me. Stepdaughter can manipulate the situation, and she knows it. I've tried phoning and texting DH but he's not answering. I'm so close to grabbing my kids and walking out. I've tried my best but stepdaughter holds the trump card here, and I'm exhausted and I've had enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 10:41

Would I be unreasonable to walk out now? I've tried for over an hour to contact DH (phone, text and facebook messenger).

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 05/01/2018 11:08

If you want to leave then please do just that.
One final text to your 'abusive fuckwit of a DH' to tell him you have left and he should get home soon.
Then go.
Please don't put yourself through this anymore.
Your anxiety will ramp up and you'll end up in a state.
Not worth it! Look after yourself!

Nquartz · 05/01/2018 11:13

I agree with hellsbells if you have somewhere to go then just leave. He sounded like an abusive twat anyway (and now his daughter sounds like a nightmare) so what are you going to lose?

Glamourgates · 05/01/2018 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glamourgates · 05/01/2018 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 11:44

I'm in a massive state. I've cried in front of mil. I've packed my bags, dressed by 3 children and I'm going.

OP posts:
EatTheChocolateTeapot · 05/01/2018 11:49

I think since you are the adult in charge of stepdaughter, you are allowed to decide consequences, same as if she was in childcare. She sounds like she is testing the boundaries.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/01/2018 11:50

I'm glad you are going.
Please do it as quickly as possible.
Get to your parents.
Sit down and breathe.
You will hopefully start to calm down a bit once you are out of the house.
And then don't go back.
Your DH is an abusive wanker and doesn't deserve you.
Leave him to his mum and wonderful daughter!!!
You get on with your life away from him and abuse.

PastaOfMuppets · 05/01/2018 12:17

OP, are you out? Are you ok?

FizzyGreenWater · 05/01/2018 12:23

OP you're doing the right thing.

This isn't going to work for you at all.

Your H is abusive. He's already destroying your health and happiness. Get out, be brave, leave this behind. Go to your mums. It's over - and it's the right thing for you and your children.

Protect them from abuse. Get out!

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/01/2018 12:57

Oh, op Sad if it helps at all, it sounded like your MIL is relatively kind; she is hopefully also intelligent enough to know that a young teenager is capable of twisting the truth and lying outright. If your stepdaughter has been this naughty then surely your MIL had seen some of it and can draw her own conclusions. You may have an unexpected ally there - she could well tell your DH he's being awful to you and to stop being such a dick.

Not that you shouldn't leave, but.... you may have an unexpected supporter, who's been there with you and can assess it fairly.

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 13:30

MIL cried and begged me not to leave. DH is on his way home. I think our relationship is over tbh. He's a mummy's boy. Anyone upsets his mother and they are history. I'm sobbing and hiding in the bedroom. As soon as he gets here I'm taking my 3 children and leaving.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 13:32

Stepdaughter is 7 btw.

OP posts:
Amaried · 05/01/2018 13:52

Honestly I'm a bit amazed at all this. You had a fight with your step daughter and you rang your husband and told him to come home straight away and now your marriage is over. He doesn't seem To have that much terribly wrong except maybe his low tolerance for handholding .
Really you sound terribly unwell in yourself. Please see your Gp straight away and ask them to review your medication. It seems madness to end a relationship where they are kids involved over this.

Someoneasdumbasthis · 05/01/2018 13:58

Protect them from abuse. Get out!

WTAF?? Where are the children being abused now? This is all getting very out of hand. OP please don't listen to the hysterics on here. It really seems like a lot of this is your anxiety which is dramatising situations out of proportion. A stroppy 7 year old who is attention seeking and you are leaving your DH and your MIL is sobbing and asking you to stay?

Please wait for your DH to get home and talk it through with him. Anitdepressents, shots of vodka, an ebf baby??? I am worried for you OP and your DH probably is too.

tandt5 · 05/01/2018 13:59

MIL cried and begged me not to leave.

I just can't imagine how the altercation with a misbehaving child has escalated to this so quickly.

I hope you are ok

BrucesBitOnTheSide · 05/01/2018 13:59

Between 10.38 and 11.44 you've packed your bags and are leaving? I agree with a previous poster get yourself to your GP. It's a bit worrying you had vodka hidden and are secretly drinking too.

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:07

You’re massively over reacting but you are a quick packer and dresser

hellsbellsmelons · 05/01/2018 14:10

Please wait for your DH to get home and talk it through with him
Oh yeah!
Because he's a nice understanding reasonable man - NOT!!!!!
You only have to read a little bit between the lines here to see what is going on.