To be scared about mil staying?

[BlueNewYear]

Mil is staying in our home tomorrow for 2 weeks. She is from non-european country and doesn't speak English. I've never met her before. I have anxiety and depression and a 4 month old baby who is having a sleep regression and is ebf. Between us, we also have 2 seven year old daughters and a 6 year old son.

Whilst mil is staying, dh is going to work for 6 hours on 3 of the days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed. Is dh being unreasonable expecting me to cope with this?

op, he sounds horrible

Thinking of you OP

Hey OP, I’ve a russian husband , a four month old baby and a MIL who speaks no English and recently stayed for a week...

While I agree with others that your husband is being hugely unsympathetic, MIL may be just fine. I’d try to inject some structure into the day - if baby sleeps in a sling or cot during the day, go out with DH/stepDD and MIL for a walk; if you’re in a big city is there a museum for her to visit / a bus tour for her to go on with audio in different languages? Ask if she’d like to mooch round the shops. And do take time for yourself - a baby is s great excuse to go to another room to feed/calm/whatever.

In our case she spent loads of time in her room knitting socks, and babysitted for us once.

Wow. I’ve just read your updates. He’s quite a catch . I hope he isn’t an extension of her and she is the nice one of his parents because he sure as hell didn’t get the way he is from decent parenting. I’d be really wary of him being my child’s parent because he doesn’t know what a decent parent is. I’d want to run, far away.

Oh I really feel for you! No wonder you're stressed.

I was in a similar situation, the first visit was terrifying and awkward, but we all get on well now.

It looks like the visit is going ahead so my advice is:
Let her feel helpful. Try to look as if you're struggling a bit, so don't be too quick to put washing away/unload dishwasher/sweep floor etc. Act very grateful when she helps.
Let her cuddle the baby, sing, have time alone with him and her son- use that time to nap/read in your room/take a bath or whatever you enjoy. You don't need to be present all the time. If husband complains you're being antisocial, emphasise that you're still recovering from the birth or feel unwell.
Get dressed early every morning if you feel awkward in PJs. I hated being seen in my dressing gown with leaking breasts. I bought some relaxed fit nursing dresses, woolly leggings and wrap cardigans.
Take her along to baby groups. Keep the TV on at home. Include her as much as possible even if she declines. Don't let her take baby out alone unless you feel absolutely comfortable with it.
Attempt to speak a bit of Russian. If she can't understand you it's ok and if you're really bad at it that's fine too. Translate through DH or communicate with sign language.

Be kind to yourself. Maybe ask GP for some stronger meds? I found sertraline great for PND and anxiety and it worked almost immediately.

Let us know how it goes!

How’s it going? x

I think no matter what I do he'll find fault with it. Hide in bedroom -- I'm being antisocial. Go to baby groups and visit my mum - same. Wear a dressing gown around the house - too messy and embarrassing (he said that). Start shaking with nerves - too embarrassing. Watch TV - too chavvy. Give baby dummy - his mum's already warned against that. Sleep in - antisocial. Alcohol - terrible.

The problem is in the first sentence.

So far so good!

First impressions: Gentle, timid old lady. Very pleasant and affectionate. Not the Russian battleaxe I was expecting!

She is holding the baby a lot and I am in bed reading a book, for the first time in months!

Yay - really pleased for you! enjoy the rest

Blue, I’m so happy for you. She was probably as nervous as you were

YAY!!!!!!

Yay that's great! Sounds like it could be a lovely couple of weeks! 😁🔙

New tablet and I'm still getting used to keyboard

Fantastic news! I hope you have a relaxing time.

Brilliant! Maybe you and she will be thick as thieves and give DH what for! Lol

Hi

She may well be as trepidatious as you are. Why don't you learn a few very basic words of Russian just to break the ice (apologies that I haven't RTFT and someone may have already suggested this) and show you're willing to try...I mean that in a really nice way as I obviously don't know what your anxiety does to you. You can teach each other words. Hope it pans out ok.

Great update OP
Hope you get some well earned rest

So sorry....really shouldn't be so hasty before posting. That is great news.

Great update, how're things today

Mil sounds lovely, DP sounds like a controlling abusive twat. Why are you with him?

Glad she seems nice. He’s being very rough with you as a Mum to a newborn with 3 other children, even if you didn’t have A&D.

Aw thats good op! Enjoy your book! And an abundence of yummy food that i am sure will follow!

Fab!

Great update OP, I hope you have a lovely 2 weeks

Very glad OP. I'm sure you'll rub along fine. I know how shit anxiety can make you feel so I think you're doing great.

(I would advise though that you need to have a conversation with your husband about the unreasonable amount of pressure he puts on you)