Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Original poster

To be scared about mil staying?

279 replies

BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 10:58

Mil is staying in our home tomorrow for 2 weeks. She is from non-european country and doesn't speak English. I've never met her before. I have anxiety and depression and a 4 month old baby who is having a sleep regression and is ebf. Between us, we also have 2 seven year old daughters and a 6 year old son.

Whilst mil is staying, dh is going to work for 6 hours on 3 of the days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed. Is dh being unreasonable expecting me to cope with this?

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 05/01/2018 14:15

I think you need to get more help for your mwntal health issues. Staying with your mum is fine but you have said she is also a depressive wreak so not sure how helpful that would be to you in your current state.

Footle · 05/01/2018 14:18

If you're freaking out, imagine how she feels. She may be very anxious too. At least you're on home ground.

Original poster

BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 14:30

DH said that if I freaked out, we're toast. Well that's happened, so we're over. That's not me overreacting, that's the facts based on his ultimatum.

They're still not letting me leave btw.

I'm not drip feeding but I hope it's obvious from my posts that stepdaughter is VERY hard work. The rudest and most disrespectful child I have ever known.

OP posts:

Rebeccaslicker · 05/01/2018 14:32

But you said she's only 7? And she has to deal with her father having a new partner and lots of new siblings.

I think I would be inclined to blame your partner for any "rudeness and disrespect" on her part more than I would the child herself. Not that a 7 year old doesn't know what he or she is doing - but where have they learned that it's ok?

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/01/2018 14:32

What about the weekend at your mums with just the baby? Husband and MIL can manage with the others.

Explain that you're stressed and tired and need a break to think things through. No rash decisions, no ending the marriage without taking time to consider it away from hoards of kids.

I would say, sorry for the drama, I'm at the end of my tether and need a weekend at my mums to sort myself out. Then get out of there. The space will be good for thinking about what you want to do.

usualGubbins · 05/01/2018 14:33

I really think you need to see a GP, as you seem to be having a meltdown over not being able to handle a 7 year old, which is something that many, many women face on a daily basis. Your DH cannot be expected to come home every 5 minutes for a naughty child, although conversely he shouldn't expect you to have to look after his child for him and entertain his mother too.

If you leave things won't get better, you cannot run away from this as at some point you'll have to face up to it, and possibly face up to single parenting too.

Get some help immediately.

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:35

How are you over if you haven’t even spoke to him?

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/01/2018 14:37

And yes he said that about freaking out and you being toast. It was very unpleasant but it doesn't mean he really meant it or that he would follow through with it.

You need to get to a place of calm and get some rest before you start running away with your thoughts.

Your stepdaughter sounds hardworking but she's little and there's good reason for to be behaving like that. Don't view her as naughty and spiteful, it's not helpful at all. Her behaviour is entirely a reflection of the situation she is in. Once you can see it like that it won't feel so personal.

Original poster

BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 14:38

He's a permissive parent, so you're right.

My children have to deal with the same scenario (divorce and new siblings) and they never behave as disrespectful as this child. I've never seen a child like it. Good luck to the next woman.

My ex is collecting my 2 kids today, thank goodness. I've warned him that there's been some drama.

A weekend at my mums with the baby sounds ideal.

which is something that many, many women face on a daily basis.

A 7 year old who badmouths me to her Russian grandma? Really? That's an everyday occurrence. I was getting on great with MIL and was really proud of myself until all of this kicked off.

OP posts:

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:41

My ex is collecting my 2 kids today, thank goodness. I've warned him that there's been some drama.

Sorry but you sound like you love drama!

It won’t let me copy some of your post but ‘a 7 year old who badmouths me to her Russian grandmother? Really? That’s an everyday occurrence’

Yes it is just without the Russian grandmother

gobbynorthernbird · 05/01/2018 14:42

Starting to see your husbands point.

DeStijl · 05/01/2018 14:43

I don't understand why people are adding to your upset and encouraging it all if I'm honest. You sound like there are some major issues here that aren't all to do with your husband. You're hiding alcohol and drinking it while taking care of children, you have serious anxiety problems that aren't managed in any way.
You don't need to be storming out with those poor kids. It's sounds like chaos.

Original poster

BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 14:44

Yes it is just without the Russian grandmother

Yes, but how do I explain the situation to the Russian grandma with DH at work??

OP posts:

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:46

Type it in on a translation site and get her to read it...

usualGubbins · 05/01/2018 14:46

A 7 year old who badmouths me to her Russian grandma? Really? That's an everyday occurrence

As Dipping says, yes it is. You are oversubscribed to having a Russian MiL - she's just another woman who has little English, and I am sure she will have seen this behaviour from the child before. You seem to have made up your mind to walk away from your marriage, blaming your DH, his daughter and his mother, seemingly without even having a rational conversation with him.

I still think you need medical help because this scenario isn't one to get so het up about.

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/01/2018 14:49

Your kids have perhaps just been helped to cope better with the situation they are. At her age her behaviour is a reflection of how she feels. It's tough for those around (you) when it's lIke this but you need to pull your big girl pants up and not get hurt. She needs help from the adults in her life.

Your relationship is separate from this though.

Dial down the drama and get some breathing space for the weekend only because you're struggling to cope and are exhausted. Keep that as your angle and they will be much more accomodating I would imagine.

Original poster

BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 14:49

Stepdaughter told me today that she'd told grandma I was a horrible person. Obviously grandma is way more invested in her grandchild so will value her opinion over mine (not that I can even communicate mine). I don't have a leg to stand on.

OP posts:

ConciseandNice · 05/01/2018 14:49

I also know it is very hard to live with someone with anxiety and depression. It’s never just the person with the mental illness that suffers.

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:49

You can communicate ffs you’re choosing not to

Original poster

BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 14:52

I've tried translation app but I showed DH and he said it was gobbeldygook

OP posts:

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/01/2018 14:53

No, you are making the stepdaughter stuff about you wayyyyy too much. MIL won't think that unless it is backed up with actual horrible things you've done, which hopefully you haven't.

Upset little girls say stuff like that. Grown ups understand that, stop worrying about what they think of you.

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:53

Try different ones - multitrack/freetranslations even google

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:53

Multitran not track

Original poster

BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 14:55

This little girl is the worst behaved child I have ever met. My children know never to be rude to adults. But this child is rude to all adults on a daily basis (DH, me, MIL). How can this marriage ever survive that?

OP posts:

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 14:59

You seem to have a major issue with your step daughter i feel quite sorry for her

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12