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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be jealous of their free time

296 replies

ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 27/12/2017 17:50

I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 27/12/2017 19:08

Wow some of you are so mean. I only come on here when I'm at breaking point and very often I'm left feeling even more of a failure and incompetent than before I posted. Yes I have a partner, he's a butcher so went back to work yesterday so people would have their New Years meat in time. My mum is ill and my grandparents have the kids one day a week whilst I work so I feel bad asking them in the holidays too.
I didn't mean to suggest that all people without kids just sit around eating. It's just some family members who are happy to give us a box of dairy milk for Christmas, I wondered if it was rude to ask for a different sort of present Wink
Just to illustrate, today I woke up, sorted clothes in one room, put a wash on, fed kids, cleaned them, dressed them, took them to the park, one fell asleep on the way back, then woke up when we got back, then the other fell asleep, put telly on but toddler still insisted on following me around, pulling things out the fridge, weeing on the floor, other woke up, both pulled every toy out of the box, then MIL arrived bringing over the presents we left at hers but announced she wasn't stopping, so here I am left with a room full of toys in massive boxes, car seats, two buggys, potty, Xmas tree, in our tiny house! I feel trapped by it all, like it's all coming in on me. I have stayed up to the early hours cleaning before but I need my sleep as one year old is still feeding in the night and the toddler won't go to sleep till 8 every night!

OP posts:
crisscrosscranky · 27/12/2017 19:09

OP, just to add. My eldest is 10 now and I miss the days where she needed me. My role now extends to food, drink, emotion punchbag/cuddles on intermittent hormone surges and fixer of the WiFi if YouTube isn't working.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 27/12/2017 19:16

You either need to ask people for help, or tackle a small area every day once the children are asleep at night. Small steps and then tidying up as you go. Easier said than done sometimes I know, but a few minutes here and there pays off.

PersianCatLady · 27/12/2017 19:17

Pay someone to do it if you can't manage to do it.

Candlelight234 · 27/12/2017 19:18

I get that you are feeling overwhelmed, but you are just going to have to crack on, if no ones offering to have the kids it's down to you.
Start with the leftovers, plan what you are eating and use them up or freeze / throw them.
I do a pre-emptive charity shop clear out a week before Xmas,
to make room. Don't mean this to sound harsh but you really can't let it get into a state where you can't open doors in the kids bedrooms. You need to do a full scale clear up, and yes I bet we all we feel like this to a certain extent at this point.

ladystarkers · 27/12/2017 19:18

Is partner off at weekend at all?

spiney · 27/12/2017 19:23

Hope you can get them into bed tonight OP and then go and have a bath and an early night yourself if you can. Thats s not meaning to be patronising but what I used to do when I was in a similar situation myself.

I remember that 'closing in ' feeling. But tomorrow after sleep ( hopefully) it will be another day. It just good days and bad days.

I think it's fine to ask for time as a present. But you have to be clear and direct about it . I don't think anybody will think of it off their own bat.

Good luck OP.

Touchmybum · 27/12/2017 19:32

Can't your partner do some of it? Presumably he doesn't work 24/7? You have to operate as a team, one minding the kids while the other sorts the house out? I note your OP says, "I was the one who chose to have 2 kids..." - well I presume your partner was also involved in that decision too and therefore ought to be dealing with the 'consequences'!!

Sounds like you could do with getting out of the house altogether on your own for a couple of hours too.

It gets easier. And then it gets harder again! There's two of you in this though.

SullyandMe · 27/12/2017 19:38

Mate, I’ve got 4 kids and no partner.

Make the kids help, do it in bits early doors or late night, do a huge skip run and get rid of junk.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/12/2017 19:44

How can a 1 and 2 year old help?

spiney · 27/12/2017 19:50

Sully the kids are 2 and 1.

hopsalong · 27/12/2017 20:07

I think that it might be easier to get a one-off cleaner rather than asking other people to mind your children while you do it. (I have children of similar ages and also feel completely overwhelmed at the moment by the mess in the house — but this is partly because I am not very good at cleaning and organising and don’t really know where to start now regular cleaner on Xmas holiday.) Could you spring for that? If not easily, could you find some way of returning presents for cash which you could use to pay for one? I know my mother wouldn’t mind if I said once ‘thanks so much for this lovely expensive cashmere sweater — I love it but I’m struggling to cope with the house and the kids — would you mind awfully if this once you returned it and gave me a voucher instead for a cleaning service?’

IHATEPeppaPig · 27/12/2017 20:09

OP it is so tough, I feel your pain. I thought I was going to have a breakdown on Xmas night with all the toys and chaos - GPS thought it was hilarious to buy a million presents and then leave whilst saying 'oh I remember that feeling, I hated all these presents!!' Agggghhhh.

I took the tree down last night whilst the kids were in bed and it is surprising how much you can tidy without the Xmas tree and decorations clogging it up.

My clean washing pile is disgraceful - I've just shut it in one of the rooms and will tackle that another day. Be kind to yourself and ask for help - I find grandparents are more than willing victims for toddlers.

Minime17 · 27/12/2017 20:10

Hire a cleaner.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/12/2017 20:13

In the nicest possible way, it isn’t a normal expectation to want relatives to mind your kids while you do everyday cleaning and tidying . You’ll have to just do it with them there, like everyone else does (most people Have to let their Pre-kids standards slip, don’t forget about that and try and carry on as before).

The only time I asked my parents to have mine were when DH and I needed to paint the garden fence when kids were toddlers (there is no way we would have managed that if kids had been there), and a couple of times for Kids party prep and shopping at Home when DH was working away.

Normal everyday cleaning and tidying. Suck it up, I’m afraid. Obviously there are exceptions like if you are ill or a child is disabled/has SEN (I haven’t read the thread, I will now)

CheshireChat · 27/12/2017 20:14

I mean this kindly, but you sound depressed which will make things 100 times worse. I certainly remember massively struggling to tidy when I was depressed.

You have two tiny ones so it's definitely tricky, but you also have a DP and your GP will have your little ones 1/week. Can't you just tidy then and manage as well as possible the rest of the week?

GoldenBlue · 27/12/2017 20:16

It's hard at that age, I sympathise. It will get better. Can you put a stair gate on their room and confine them with some toys whilst you do a few mins of essentials?

Spartaca · 27/12/2017 20:17

Little and often. Ask someone/get partner to entertain kids for half a day and then blitz.

Once clear start a daily routine involving little things like dishwasher emptied first thing and filled through the day. Wipe counters after food prep each time. Washing on every day/other day. Duvets flipped over beds first thing. Bathroom wiped while kids bathed etc. Every evening tidy round after kids go to bed so you start afresh in the morning.

When blitzing be ruthless, ditch anything you neither love, use or have a place for. Especially important in a small house. +We have one too.)

AnaWinter · 27/12/2017 20:23

People forget how exhausting and full on kids are at that age. I know I have very little energy by the end of the day and we have s cleaner twice a week. Dh and I give the house a quick clean(30 minutes a day) and the place is still a mess most of the time. If it has got too much break it down. I listen to music while I tackle it to make it more bearable. Do it one room or even one corner at a time. One hour this evening. One hour tomorrow.

feelingdizzy · 27/12/2017 20:32

No harm in asking people they can only say no.
I have brought my kids up by myself now teens. I managed by using odd additional days at childminders ,little and often housework,and honestly I pulled a few late nights / early mornings to get on top off things.
I used to set my alarm for 3am ,but that's not recommended ,but if needs must.

QuiteLikeable · 27/12/2017 20:38

If your house is as bad as it sounds,
nobody has kept on to of things for quite some time.

Why do people have to put themselves out before you put the washing away?? Confused

timeforabrewnow · 27/12/2017 20:44

Geeze - so many people saying 'Get a cleaner!'

Maybe the OP is skint

Notreallyarsed · 27/12/2017 20:46

I haven’t read the whole thread, but could you break it down into bite size chunks OP? That way it might seem more manageable, like one day, just belt through the laundry and get it all put away. Another day tackle the worst room, get that gutted and sorted. Next day the next worst room and so on.
Seeing it as one massive overwhelming task is bloody daunting and seems impossible.

mamamalt · 27/12/2017 20:47

@Seniorcitizen1 did that make you feel good?! Had a lovely Christmas have you in your sparkling clean glass house..?! Take a long hard look at what you just said to someone who is struggling and has reached out for help
OP people are horrible sometimes. One minute it’s all ‘it takes a village’ next minute if you dare say you’d like help it’s like ‘I had ten kids all alone all day and my house was spotless so yours should be too’
It’s fucking ridiculous. I’d say just ask someone and give it a good blitz and after that STOP worrying about it. It’s only mess. They are only little for such a short while. I k know it’s easier said than done but just leave the house and go outside and enjoy sometime together to forget about it. You’ll feel much better. It’s rough and I’ve only got one! Just know most people feel how you do from time to time. You’re doing you’re best CakeWine

Beltane18 · 27/12/2017 20:47

Is anything else going on?

This is life with two little DC and it sounds like you have regular help?

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