To be jealous of their free time

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I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

Did you ever offer to do similar for other people when they had small kids? Because of course, it would make sense to ask those people to return the favour.

I understand where you are coming from, my house looks like a whirlwind went through it There is simply too much stuff. Everywhere. And there is always a lot to do, so even when I do it, it just needs to be done again within a couple of days. When the kids are in bed, I'm absolutely exhausted and I feel that I need to sit down and have a cup of tea and binge on leftover chocs. The trouble is I find it very hard to get up again!

Tackling the load in small blocks is a great idea that really works. Stand at the door of one of your rooms and time yourself for ten minutes doing just as much as you can. You can even pretend that someone is about to call to your house and you are doing that frantic tidy up. Also check out the website flylady.com It gives great suggestions for people that feel overwhelmed by it all.

OP, I'm not sure that you are depressed but you sound overwhelmed.
It is a difficult time of the year to cope with.
If you think you are depressed, see your GP.

I think that you need to give yourself a break, mentally.
Is your house messy or are you trying to be perfect? Most people with kids have messy houses.
You have a job so your DH should be helping you with the housework and childcare. You may need to ask him.
Two of you made the babies. Two of you are bringing money in.

Apologies if I made jokey comments. Your opening post sounded like you were saying something else.

At this stage I think that it is best to accept that sometimes 'All fed, nobody dead' is about the most you are going to manage some days. Lower your standards a little.

Also, ask homestart for help. They may be able to provide a volunteer to come and help you for a couple of hours a week. This is available to those with under 5's, or it was when mine were under 5 and I found it a massive help!

I only had a gap of a year between mine and it is overwhelming when they are that age. Once the youngest gets to two, it will get easier.
If you have lots of washing, bag it up and take it to a laundrette for a service wash/dry. Get shopping delivered (unfortunately they didn't deliver when one were young). When you are cooking, try and cook bigger portions and freeze some. DVDs are your friend and a travel cot (as other have said) to contain them. Lower your standards and just try and get through each day. My friend used to put noise cancelling ear phones on and make a strong cup of coffee when she had had enough - I would just make sure mine were safe (travel cot / stair gate) and sit in the garden for 10 minutes to escape the crying.
It will get better!

I had a playpen for DS. I can remember wanting to weep the day he learned to climb out of it. (Stood on a square music box ).

I also remember climbing into said playpen one afternoon, so that I could eat a sandwich without being used as a climbing frame.

Kids are wonderful, but sometimes we end up where you are OP, and it feels overwhelming.

But posters above are correct. It’s not forever, really it’s not. Your DC will grow out of this phase, you will be able to sleep through the night again one day and your sanity will return. For now, make it as easy as you can and look after you. Tidying for An hour a day, but only an hour is good advice.

DD used to have a childminder who rotated the toys every 6 weeks or so, so the children would have the pleasure of “new” toys, but also that fewer toys were available at any one time so less mess. The remaining toys were easily stored in plastic crates with lids.

Go through all their toys and send all the old toys to the charity shop.

When sorting the laundry out, separate your children's small clothes in to bin bags and send to the charity shop.

Put bleach down the loo last thing at night.

Spray the bathroom surfaces with cleaner before breakfast & then wipe it down after you've eaten.

Put the dirty laundry in the washing machine & set the timer to come on at 6am so it's ready to hang out before you go out for the day.

Put another load on at teatime so it's ready to hang out before you go to bed.

Whilst watching tv, sort through paperwork into piles to keep, throw away & recycle.

When you go upstairs, take anything up that belongs upstairs and same vice versa.

When you make a cuppa, put away dishes, clear the sink, wipe surfaces etc while waiting for the kettle to boil.

Break the housework into chunks so it's easier to manage, it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed.

Op is your house fully child proofed? If it is there's no harm in letting your children play for a while on their own while you get on with stuff. Could you make a list of everything you need to do and break it up as follows?

I usually do every day:

Breakfasts, wipe surfaces, load dishwasher & put wash on whilst ds is still in high chair.

Shower with ds in the bath playing with toys.
Clothes wash in tumble drier as soon as it's finished usually when I'm dressed after my shower.

Lunches, clear up & load dishwasher while ds is in high chair. Empty dry clothes into basket and put in bedroom for later.

Dinner (dh is Home for dinner) clear up, load dishwasher & put on, hoover kitchen.

Tidy up toys and put dry clothes away while dh baths ds.

Cuddle, sing or read to ds then put to bed while dh irons his work clothes & showers.

Every time I walk out of a room I check to make sure there's nothing that needs to go to bin or be in another room.

Big clean at the weekend.

What does your DH do housework/childminding wise when he's at home?
There are two adults in the household to manage the chores so you both need to sit down and find a way to get on top of this - and stay on top of it.

Some practical tips -
climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed
Dirty washing goes straight into the washing basket - the kids can start helping you with this re their own clothes
Clean washing goes straight into wardrobes etc or left in a neat pile in one corner of the room out of reach of the kids - DH can always put it away when he gets back from work.

not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books
Get rid of some and give them to charity shops/refuges

room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs
Well then you don't need to cook anything until they've been eaten....

pulling things out the fridge
Get a child lock for the fridge and cupboards so they can't just pull stuff out

If you want people to babysit then ask them - they're not mind readers.
Or hire a babysitter.

Do the bathroom when they're in the bath. Get them to 'help' with the washing. I sympathise op. Mine are 6 and 7 now but it was so harsh when they were tiny - nothing got done. It doesn't last forever.

Ouch a 1 and a 2 year old!! Not fun.

Have you tried night weaning the 1 year old? I'm asking because I think things would all seem a lot more manageable if you got decent sleep at night. It's even possible the baby would nap if they learn to sleep without BF, most 1 yr olds do need a nap.

Also you'd then get your evenings back which is when most parents of toddlers get this stuff done.

Agree with suggestions of playpen and/or creating one childproofed room with a baby gate that you can leave them in fairly safely while you spend 10 min on jobs.

Big yes to playpen! Used to call mine the 'state pen'. And it was a lifesaver for corralling littles safely, to get bits and bobs done. Not for hours but say to dash outside and hang out a wash or whilst the groceries were put away.

I can empathise I have a one year old and no family nearby who can help by taking her for a walk say for an hour so I can get jobs done. She now hates the travel cot which at The start was great as a playpen when I needed to do chores. The size of my ironing pile gets me down and I hate being in a mess. I'd ask people if you feel you need help they can only say no. I was poorly a few weeks ago and in the end plucked up the courage to ask a friend if she'd take my daughter for an hour she said yes and it was amazing to have an hour to myself. When she dropped her back she said she had a lovely time and she'd do it again if I needed.

Forgot to add if you are really struggling the other option would be looking to see if a childminder would take them. I put my daughter in nursery for half a day a week to get her used to it before I went back to work and I can usually get quite a few jobs done while she's there

Ironing is not compulsory.

Mikeuniformmike i think you're right

I would like to be asked, and I would offer - would love more kids but DH says no and am 40, so borrowing is ok ;)

I second the short bursts with a longer burst at night. It's the only way I keep on top of things. Also, try to be more minimal - don't keep outgrown toys or clothes etc. Always go through them regularly...you learn this living in London's tiny houses.

They are your children so why would you want others (except their other parent) to look after them? yeah cos only crap parents don't loom after their own kids 24/7. Who needs to hold down a job or go to hospital appointments or just have some help and support

OP has it got this bad because its Christmas or is it constantly like this? Could you self refer to something like HomeStart for some long term support? Short term ask - even if someone takes the kids up to their room for a few hours so they haven't got full responsibility. Then prioritise.

Bag up all dirty clothes etc so its in one place. Load into washer. Load into dryer. Fold to save ironing. Load into washer. etc.

Throw out any food you won't eat before it goes mouldy.

Make sure all the important surfaces are clean.

Then tackle one room. Anything for other rooms goes into designated bags. Dump those bags in those rooms and deal with it when you get to that room. That way you aren't wandering all over the house.

What days does DH have off? Can you get help on those days so you can split the housework?

Like other people have stated you get the chores done when they are asleep. Get off MN and social media and invest some time in your housekeeping and cleaning if it’s bothering you that much. Yes it will be a struggle, but having kids isn’t easy. You have to work around them. Once you have a routine stick with it, the kids will get used to it as they get older it gets a little easier.

Do it a bit at a time. Be ruthless and throw out anything you don't need. Getting a small pile done is better than nothing.

It can be hard with kids at that age. My DD used to love paw patrol so I would put her in her playpen at that age and paw patrol on TV. In the mornings, after breakfast I would make beds, put a load of washing on and do the breakfast dishes and wipe down benches. I would then have a coffee and spend time with DD and DS when he came along. I would put things such as toys away when I passed them and spent 10 minutes tidying clutter, washing would be hung up and when dried would go in drawers. Sweeping and things like that were done once a week when DP was home

I totally get that it’s easier to tidy without the DCs around however my friend is always ok an excuse around how she can’t sort things, I’m waiting for this cleaning product, these storage boxes, whilst I’m just ‘shall we get stuck in’

Like anubmassive task, break it down. Write a list. Don’t start with your living room (you’ll loose motivation when DCs trash it again in the morning, I would suggest you start with your bedroom-create a haven for yourself.rememver there are very few things more satisfying than a ‘skip run’

I know it's hard, but I agree that you should seek out all the people whose children you've taken so they can clean their houses (as you describe in your OP).

‘climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed’

Wow!! I have an 11 year old messy girl, 1 year old baby girl and 10 week old boy. I have never had to climb over clean and dirty washing just to get in my bed? And I’m not overly organised either.
You can’t just let things get that bad then expect babysitterS.

I do most of my housework when kids are in bed at night. I couldn’t possibly sit down and relax with things to do as that’s when things mount up and become overwelming. Not even an hour every night would keep things in order. (Once you have done the major clean up that is )

Storage is the key and also doing things straight away so they do not build up.

Dirty laundry straight into the basket after bath time. Clean laundry folded and put into a basket ready to be ironed when DCs are in bed. Dishes done straight after meal times. Get a playpen if DCs will mess with things whilst you are busy.

They always say routine is vital to small children - actually it is more helpful to the parents if I am honest!

I have 2 young DC and do everything once they’re in bed. It’s tough, if I decide to pop out one evening then it starts to pile up but I just have to have a late night, or catch up at the weekend when my partner is around. Make a list of jobs, break it down as far as you need to. It’s tough but you don’t need to have a completely spotless home, nobody would expect that with two toddlers around (I have one friend who does, but then she is happy for her DC to sit in front of the iPad for hours. Not my cup of tea but it works for her).