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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be jealous of their free time

296 replies

ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 27/12/2017 17:50

I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 27/12/2017 18:33

Sorry, I thought this thread was meant to be humorous.
I was channelling Denise Royle.

OP, if you need help, ask, not me obviously.
If you have helped anyone out in the past, ask them.
An hour or two is probably not enough but it would be a start.
I'd ask for about 3 hours, which would at least give you a chance tyop breathe. 2 kids so close in age is hard work.

Thirdshepherdfromtheleft · 27/12/2017 18:34

How about a kid swop with a similar family? They have yours for half a day and you have theirs in return.
Or, a teenager who wants to earn a few quid, pay them to entertain the kids in the house whilst you clean.

MikeUniformMike · 27/12/2017 18:34

to not tyop

Viviennemary · 27/12/2017 18:37

Firstly Christmas is the very worse time of year for the house getting out of control. I'd put at least half of all toys in the loft if you have one. If not two thirds. Nice if somebody does offer to help you out but you certainly can't expect it. A two year old and one year old will be hard work. Can't see you will get much done unless they're in bed. I wouldn't be keen on looking after two children of that age unless for very close family. Too much like hard work and responsibility.

FilledSoda · 27/12/2017 18:38

Are you their only parent?
No one is going to volunteer for this

becotide · 27/12/2017 18:41

I'm sorry, I wouldn't do it with a gun to my head.

You need to pay someone. A teenager or something, to just take them AWAY for two hours on a two hour walk in the double buggy.

bobstersmum · 27/12/2017 18:41

My oldest two have same age gap. If their bedroom isn't child safe then make it child safe asap then got literally have to stick them in there behind a baby gate while you have a mad 20 mins here and there, it's amazing what you can get done in that time actually. You will be able to hear they've not killed each other. Or stick them in a travel cot in the same room as you while you blitz. They might cry or not be very happy but give them a few toys and they've got each other to amuse. Got to be done.

ClashCityRocker · 27/12/2017 18:42

Well, I wouldn't volunteer but if a close friend asked me to watch them for a while so she could get a break, I'd do it, if I could.

Yab a bit u for the inference that because you had kids people ought to volunteer to look after them though. I presume, as a child free by choice adult, that seeing as the species isn't in any danger of dying out, there are some perks to having the little blighters?

deckoff · 27/12/2017 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EB123 · 27/12/2017 18:46

Just ask! If you asked me I would say yes.

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom · 27/12/2017 18:48

Lol. You can do it. It's just harder. But honestly, assuming that everyone else is just sitting around eating whilst you are the only person in your whole world with responsibilities is insane. Just crack on when you put them to bed. It's overwhelming before you start, but unless you live in Downton Abbey, you can clean your house in an evening.

theredjellybean · 27/12/2017 18:49

i think it depends who the relatives are tbh
if its the childrens' grandparents and you are close to them, then perhaps ask if they could look after them for half a day .
I think you need to explain why you need this help, and explain that you are struggling. Maybe your close family would like to help or see more of the children but you give of impressions you are coping fine or dont want help.

If it is a case of randon rellies who wouldnt normally be involved with your children and you then no you can't ask...

theredjellybean · 27/12/2017 18:50

or maybe if your are close to someone, they might offer to help you sort the house out ? with the kids there...as someone else said, child gate one room, tv on, toys and crack on with everywhere else

Abbotswood · 27/12/2017 18:50

The idea of anybody volunteering made me laugh. Then I remembered my partner told 6yr old DD she could have a friend round for a playdate today.

I'm a childminder and am bloody relishing the house being free of other people's children.

I told her DD she was at her grandparents.

I'm on holiday and having a 2 yr old and a 1yr old is hard bloody work and not ideal in other people's homes with christmas trees and decs and they would need to make them toddler/baby safe.

Seniorcitizen1 · 27/12/2017 18:53

Difficult to judge whether you are just lazy or incompetent but there is no excuse for the state that your home is as decribed. Get a grip

peachypips · 27/12/2017 18:55

I’m afraid I think it is your responsibility too. I know how difficult it is though esp when they are little. I have two boys and my DH is away a lot, and I also work 24 hours per week.

I manage by getting up 45 mins before the kids each day and also by making sure it doesn’t ever get to a point where it’s out of control. If it is currently out of control start by doing ten mins in each room every day and then it will gradually get there!

crisscrosscranky · 27/12/2017 18:56

I think a lot of PP are being a bit mean. my mum lives 5 mins away and regularly takes the kids for an hour or four and I know how lucky we are so if a friend who didn't have the same support wanted some down time I would happily help them out.

It takes a village and all that...

MikeUniformMike · 27/12/2017 18:58

Could you invite a friend or relative (or a paid babysitter) over to yours. You might be able to chat whilst doing a bit of ironing or something.

Playpen and DVD are very useful.

Packing away excess toys is an excellent suggestion.

gillybeanz · 27/12/2017 19:02

OP, looking at your list it really isn't too bad.
Start eating/throwing away your left overs, whilst doing this make a brew.
When stuff has been chucked or taken out of fridge, clean it out.
This should take no more than 15 mins.
Sort dirty washing and put in the basket/ bin bag if you don't use baskets, drop it by the washing machine.
Before you go to bed put a load on, and put your clean clothes away.

Sort out kids clothes and if you don't want to disturb them put in pile outside their room until tomorrow.

Tomorrow sort/ dry wet clothes and stick another load on whilst making breakfast.
Then tackle just one square foot of the bedroom, enough to make a path into the room.

It sounds like you are more overwhelmed than having too much mess.

Onedayhey · 27/12/2017 19:04

Nobody ever volunteers do they? I used to pray that the grandparents would turn up and take the kids to the park for an hour or take them to McDonald’s for tea, just something as simple as that but they never did.

Sorry but I wouldn’t offer to look after a 2 and a 1 year old. Far too much like hard work.

I don’t think it’s fair to be jealous of others’ free time. Most of us have been there done it anyway.

As for your house, well mine’s a tip after Xmas as we have just crashed out being lazy and I haven’t kept on top of the chores. It doesn’t take long to get in a state. Start with one small thing eg the food and do a bit here and there.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 27/12/2017 19:04

If you were someone close to me (my sister for example) I would probably want to help out and would enjoy spending some time with neices/nephews. However, I have been there and done that myself and now that my kids are 17 and 19 I am enjoying being able to sit and do nothing over Christmas. I might feel slightly miffed if I was asked to help if I am honest.

NewBallsPlease00 · 27/12/2017 19:05

Wow everyone is so mean! I fully sympathise op, I'm in a similar state, I'm not incompetent just thoroughly and totally knackered, and the hours people describe they clear up in is when I do too- but it often starts at 930-1030 pm when kids have been bathed and bed and lunches made etc. This is my very full time working life with little support.
Stuff that massively helps me-
A fortnight it cleaner, Fanily areas only, because it makes me today so she can clean
All food outsourced- ie kids fed at childcare /school so minimal cooking
Online shopping, so less time at weekends spent 'popping' which is hideous
When te kids fall asleep in the car I leave them there on drive and clean kitchen which over looks drive
My house is a tip bit if I can keep kitchen bathrooms and some washing in check I'm winning
NY res is to playmate swap older alternate weeks and get youngest to bed earlier to evening is better available time
It's really hard but when they hit 3 it does get easier
Good luck!!

spiney · 27/12/2017 19:05

I think you should stop brooding over what others are doing with their free time. It's irrelevant. You sound overwhelmed OP.

You don't get much free time with little kids. Fact. You have to make the best of it. Sounds like you need a bit more of a system to deal with all the basic chores that need doing.

Be proactive yourself OP. You've got this. You can make headway and bit by bit make it better. There are suggestions on here and all over the Internet. You can't just wait for someone else to take the kids off your hands. You need to find a way through it with the kids around. They're not going anywhere.

And in a few years you will just be sitting there, relaxing. Because they'll be older and not such a handful. Dig in OP. It's just a busy busy phase.

fleshmarketclose · 27/12/2017 19:06

It can be tough when they are small,I had two pairs with small age gaps and it felt relentless at times. You really do have to aim to do little and often to keep on top of things because it soon becomes overwhelming otherwise. I used to pop mine in their cots with some toys and run round putting laundry away,stripping beds, hoovering the bedrooms. I'd clean the sink and loo whilst they were in the bath and I'd strap them in the highchair to clean round the kitchen and I'd use a travel cot as a play pen to sort out the lounge. If you aim for one area a day it means they aren't confined too much and spend the first hour they are in bed clearing away and getting organised ready for the next day.
I didn't have anyone who could help me so had to have strategies to sort it myself. Not sure that in the Christmas break it will be that easy to find someone who wants two little ones to look after tbh because people are usually exhausted from the build up and wanting to relax.

MissTeri · 27/12/2017 19:08

You've let it get to a point where it's overwhelming OP and now instead of tackling it head on it just seems insurmountable right? and the children being under your feet makes it easier to just put it off for another day? Flowers

I suggest between now and New Year (I wouldn't bother doing much between now and then) that you write yourself a To Do list, breaking things down into more managable tasks might make it easier for you to get focused on getting it done.

First things first I'd have a big declutter, less toys/clothes the less that can pile up. Bin anything stained/broken and bag the rest for charity/sale - I would personally stick it up on a local Facebook group for free jus to get it out of the way quickly and it would save you having to drag it to a charity shop with two kids in tow.

If you lived near me I'd be happy to come over and give you a hand. I'm less likely to take two children that age out on my own but I would certainly come over and watch them to give you time to crack on with the house stuff. Although admittedly between now and New Year I likely wouldn't.

You do sound like you need a break but it will get a little easier on the mess side of things as they get a bit older.

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