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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - I've taken my present back...

304 replies

charliebearr · 27/12/2017 16:50

Bought my son (he is 23) a second hand car for Christmas (a very very OTT present from me).

It was a complete surprise.

I couldn't give him the gift on xmas morning as the car needed a final check before we took it but, he was told earlier in the year if he passed his test we would think about getting him a car.

Christmas morning came & I had a token gift ready and of course no mention of the car. He was noticeably irritated about it. His behaviour towards the day deteriorated so steeply I put him out of the house around midnight until he cooled off. He told me it was all too do with the car etc.

The car arrived today. He seen the car but, didn't come down but, my partner said he was taking photos of it from inside gearing up to come out. I called the garage back and got someone to come lift it and have cancelled the contract since. AIBU?

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 27/12/2017 16:59

Wow. I don't think 'unreasonable' is the word you're looking for here.

Cruel, maybe?

FrostyThirties0 · 27/12/2017 16:59

You should have found a nice way to tell him you were getting him a car in Christmas morning. I couldn’t bear to let one of my children think I’d only got ‘a token present’ for them.

Katinkka · 27/12/2017 16:59

Do people really get second hand cars delivered? I’ve never thought that was an option and always collected it. What about insurance? Why would you make him think all he was getting was a small token present? If this story is true then you’re horrible and I’m not suprised he was upset.

CountdowntoSanta · 27/12/2017 16:59

Where dido he go when you put him out of the house? Is this a joke?

VimFuego101 · 27/12/2017 16:59

Did he know he was getting the car prior to Christmas? I'm confused.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/12/2017 17:00

What?

You sort of promised your 23 year old DS a car if he passed his test.
You didn't quite get it sorted for Christmas delivery
You got him a 'token' present and didn't explain
He got upset and, rather than explain, you threw him out at midnight
Today the car arrives and, having been told he was taking pictures but hadn't bounded down the stairs, presumably to give you chance to 'present' it rather than just assume it was for him, you sent it back and he isn't getting it now!

No, YANBU in the slightest. A tad deranged, spiteful, cruel even. But, and we only have what you typed to go by, unreasonable wouldn't cover your actions!

Happy Christmas!

abualb · 27/12/2017 17:00

Why are you playing childish games with your son like this?
I'm massively confused about the behaviour in your OP.

Why aren't you communicating with your son normally? Why did you buy him the car as a surprise (why doesn't he get a say or choice because presumably he'll need to insure it?!), But not tell him?

Is your relationship always this dysfunctional and melodramatic?

Original poster

charliebearr · 27/12/2017 17:01

Maybe I have been unreasonable but, I wanted to give the gift with full bells and whistles. The car driven up to the house and his full reaction! I asked him to go out the back garden at midnight as he squared up to my partner after he asked him to stop swearing at me.

OP posts:

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 17:01

I'm assuming His behaviour towards the day deteriorated so steeply I put him out of the house around midnight until he cooled off is referring to abusive or aggressive behaviour so on that basis I'd guess yanbu.

You possibly need to give more info as otherwise reactions will be more fitting to my over tired 5 year old had a tantrum so I burned his new lego in front of him.

Chipshopninja · 27/12/2017 17:02

I think your behavior was disgusting actually.

Waitingonasmile · 27/12/2017 17:02

I'm quite sure there's more to this than what I can understand from your post. However, I think it's very unlikely he will forgive you and would imagine your relationship will be damaged.

Mumof56 · 27/12/2017 17:02

I wanted to see his face when it turned up at the house!

Would telling him have turned you blind?

honeysucklejasmine · 27/12/2017 17:02

Eh? You didn't tell him? Not even give him the log book or something?

DeStijl · 27/12/2017 17:02

What a mess all round..
He shouldn't be acting up like a kid, you shouldn't be playing games. All a bit weird.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 27/12/2017 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/12/2017 17:03

I wanted to see his face when it turned up at the house! So it was all about you then!

I think my actions were justified! If they were you really haven't explained it well

If it has been any other present I would have simply kept it away until another time So, you've done this sort of thing before?

That is really weird and definitely cruel!

Original poster

charliebearr · 27/12/2017 17:04

He was told earlier in the year we would think about it and had a fair idea he was going to get a car he just didn't know when.

After Christmas morning and the token gift he got increasingly more aggressive, wouldn't eat dinner with us and generally wouldn't speak to me about anything so I didn't get a chance to tell him about his real present and I am for sure not going to tell him about it when he is swearing at me!

OP posts:

abualb · 27/12/2017 17:04

You wanting "to see his face" for a reaction doesn't justify your behaviour OP, unless there's more about his behaviour that day that you want to share, it makes it sound like you think he's a performing monkey to give you emotional validation and might explain the spiteful sending the gift back when he didn't bound down (like a dog or toddler) and give the "correct" response

user1491404899 · 27/12/2017 17:04

i think its a both of both being unreasonable really. You for making him think you'd forgotten him at Christmas....and him for having a strop. actually id probably be in a bit of a bad mood if i thought my parents had forgotten me....
YABU and cruel.

i'm glad my mum gave me a toy car when i got mine as a placeholder until it arrived.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/12/2017 17:05

I got dd a car. I actually took her to see it on Christmas Eve.

Couldn't imagine not telling her, the upset that would have caused and then sending it back.

So if you sent the car back and only gave him a token present after promising a car then no wonder he is pissed off

Chapterandverse · 27/12/2017 17:05

Awful behaviour.

From you.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 17:06

So was this very unusual behaviour from him or is there history there? It wasn't great pretending all he was getting was a token gift though there's no excuse for a grown man to be abusive and "square up" to anyone.

DurhamDurham · 27/12/2017 17:06

And of course no mention of the car

I think that’s where you went wrong. I’m not condoning his behaviour at all but once you could see he was upset you could have explained. I wouldn’t do that to my grown up girls, I can’t imagine them reacting the way your son did and I can’t imagine handling it like you did.

PizzaPower · 27/12/2017 17:06

Think you need to spend then refund on the car getting some family counselling OP. You and your son both sound as if you need some help.

OnionKnight · 27/12/2017 17:06

WTF?

Your behaviour was cruel.

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