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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - I've taken my present back...

304 replies

charliebearr · 27/12/2017 16:50

Bought my son (he is 23) a second hand car for Christmas (a very very OTT present from me).

It was a complete surprise.

I couldn't give him the gift on xmas morning as the car needed a final check before we took it but, he was told earlier in the year if he passed his test we would think about getting him a car.

Christmas morning came & I had a token gift ready and of course no mention of the car. He was noticeably irritated about it. His behaviour towards the day deteriorated so steeply I put him out of the house around midnight until he cooled off. He told me it was all too do with the car etc.

The car arrived today. He seen the car but, didn't come down but, my partner said he was taking photos of it from inside gearing up to come out. I called the garage back and got someone to come lift it and have cancelled the contract since. AIBU?

OP posts:
araiwa · 28/12/2017 04:31

None of the ops posts make sense

Its all some fantasy that everyone is arguing about

BattleCunt · 28/12/2017 04:34

m.youtube.com/watch?v=fsPY_TDd5Fg

TammySwansonTwo · 28/12/2017 04:53

Blimey. This post sounds so much like my mum and brother that I wondered if I'd somehow gone back in time to when she was alive and read something she posted.

You say "partner", not his dad. I suspect that has a lot to do with this, and if it is anything like my mum and brother then he and your son don't get on too well, and he feels sidelined by him. Perhaps he's even just watched you lavishing gifts on him and feeling like he's been forgotten?

And that's not to excuse his behaviour - my brother acted like a complete dick with my mum and her husband (who was completely vile, in fairness) but he had years of pent up anger towards the situation and being cast aside for men. Your situation may be nothing like this at all, but it sounds so similar that I had to suggest it.

It also sounds to me like you thought "I can't get the car for Christmas, so I'll pretend he isn't getting one, give him something else and then act all confused / unaware when he seems upset - then when he does get the car he will be even happier!" That spectacularly backfired obviously.

I don't think anyone is saying that the son's behaviour is okay here, it isn't, but I expect there's far more to this dynamic than is being mentioned here.

My mum actually kicked my brother out at 17 when he and her fully grown husband got into a physical fight. She barely spoke to him for the next five years. She completely put her husband (they boyfriend) who was an abusive shit before her son, just as she had done with a string of other men since her divorce five years previously. My brother was deeply hurt by her but then used her behaviour to guilt trip her into buying him cars, insuring them, generally supporting him financially whenever he needed it. Neither of them acted well.

Like I say, this may be nothing like your situation at all but I suspect there is far more to this story than his behaviour on Christmas Day. A lovely, respectful happy son in a good relationship with you and him usually wouldn't turn like this and start squaring up to your partner out of nowhere. I can almost guarantee this is about a lot more than the car.

ButchyRestingFace · 28/12/2017 05:10

Who said the thread would be getting pulled soon? Do they get pulled now if we ask if we're BU,and don't like the majority of the replies?

Pretty much, yes.

I’m amazed anything ever makes Classics these days.

TheStoic · 28/12/2017 05:19

I seriously hope my DD does not end up with one of the sons of so many women on this thread.

Was just thinking that.

GinIsIn · 28/12/2017 05:30

What an interesting first post, OP.... Hmm

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 28/12/2017 05:48

Your 23 yo DS sounds like a spoilt brat, a leather jacket is not a token gift. Did you over indulge him as a child?

billabye · 28/12/2017 05:55

Speaking as a person in the second hand car trade, I also fail to understand this cancelling of the contract and the car going back.

If indeed you managed to do that then I imagine you would be facing a considerable financial loss ConfusedHmm

NotSupposedtobeHere · 28/12/2017 07:49

I wanted to give the gift with full bells and whistles. The car driven up to the house and his full reaction!

So instead you took it away. You are so self- involved and manipulate or, it’s hard to believe the story.

Or you’re just stupid and unimaginative and completely lacking in empathy.

SparklyMagpie · 28/12/2017 07:54

I'm also not understanding the phoning and cancelling/sending the second-hand car back ?

Katedotness1963 · 28/12/2017 07:58

You have a "very good relationship" but cancelled his Christmas present over what happened on one day?

kaytee87 · 28/12/2017 08:04

His behaviour was bad but so was yours. He thought you didn't get him a Christmas present so no wonder he was upset on Christmas Day. Now you've returned his gift? I don't understand why you've done that? Because he hasn't come out of his room? Does he know the car was for him?

pinkblink · 28/12/2017 08:07

I thought people would be too busy with Christmas to be trolling mumsnet 😂

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 28/12/2017 08:16

I'm so confused. What happened to cause him to swear and "square up" to your partner if he has never behaved like that before? How do you cancel a contract on a second hand car? How will you be able to reinstate the contract at a later date?

OnionKnight · 28/12/2017 08:22

I've been thinking about this thread, what dealer would take a car back and cancel a contract just like that?

ButchyRestingFace · 28/12/2017 08:25

I've been thinking about this thread

This is the moment that you know all is lost.

OnionKnight · 28/12/2017 08:29

This is the moment that you know all is lost.

True Grin

ILikeyourHairyHands · 28/12/2017 08:31

Well you both sound utterly delightful.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

nestletollhouse · 28/12/2017 10:02

😂🤣🤣 you wanted to see his face, so withheld information about a gift you'd promised. So it was all about your happiness, not his.

He probably got pissed off because you're irrational and form for this behaviour.

Willow2017 · 28/12/2017 10:18

kaytee
A leather jacket costing £300+ plus a stocking full of other stuff and he "thought op hadnt got him anything"?
Really?

Willow2017 · 28/12/2017 10:25

I cant believe pepple are still minimising his behaviour.

Refusing to eat dinner with op
Swearing at her enough to make her dp step in..
Squaring up to her dp when he was asked to stop swearing at his mum.
Having to be told to leave the room to calm down.
Refusing to come downstairs in the morning when the car arrived.

He is 23 not 5!

If this was in another section about an adults behaviour everyone would be giving very different replies.

ButchyRestingFace · 28/12/2017 10:29

He is 23 not 5

5 is about the mental age of many of the son’s champions on this thread.

Raindancer411 · 28/12/2017 10:49

Some people aren't reading it right, they did not PROMISE to get him a car, they said they would THINK about getting one. Plus he didn't not have nothing on the day, he had an expensive leather jacket

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 28/12/2017 11:00

The thing is if she hadn't been able to afford the car yet, he would have still been a miserable fucker after opening his token leather jacket!
He needs to grow up tbh.

NovemberWitch · 28/12/2017 11:04

No, many of us with sons around the same age who are mature and fabulous are pointing out that if you raise a child in a dysfunctional, fucked-up environment with EA relationships, you usually get a dysfunctional, fucked-up adult who has EA relationships.
Not difficult to understand, and many of you seem to be in relationships with those adults and unhappy about it.

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