Easy way to kill my mother in law and get away with it

[Quickerthanavicar]

Lighthearted obviously, but they are here for two weeks and she's beginning to grate.

colchicine is your answer at this time of year, "oh dear mil what a nasty dose of norovirus you have"

I received mine shortly after spiralizing became a "thing". You are meant to use the shavings rather than the sharpened carrot. But I don't see how strings of carrot could be an adequate substitute for pasta, frankly. I have used mine once.

(Sorry, OP, this doesn't really help with your problem. Though I suppose if you feed her carrot peelings in place of normal food she might get fed up and leave.)

Hit her over the head with a sock full of ice cubes, the ice cubes melt, hence no weapon for police to find. As for your alibi you were out buying chutney, as the only chutney you had, had been bought at church fair, and your MIL was an atheist. Good Luck.

I remember the girl who used to bully my dd always said “Take a joke, Sally! Take a joke”............

Who said anything about bullying?

OP was asking for suggestions for a quick, painless murder. And MiL isn’t even on the thread (that we know of).

I don't understand this level of vitriol does this work on sister-in-law's?

Electrocution by way of taking the fairy lights off the Christmas tree ...

Hardly vitriol or even bullying - it's known as dark humour and has got many a human being through troubled times...

I like It's ideal. If you use one of MILs socks you can even explain how her DNA got there! Genius!

Think i'll give the carrot shavings a miss. Even my spiraliser lasted one prep session & then was abandoned to a charity shop!

knicker did you not see the end of my post?!

I know someone whose brother got pissed and choked on a satsuma. Seasonal!

2 weeks! Dear God. I am so sorry.

My MiL was here for the 3 days. And now I am broken.

She has been removed by my SiL to captivity at her house for 4 days. My SiL deserves a medal.

Sorry sofa thought you were serious

The man who invented the Segway fell to his death off the edge of a cliff on his Segway

Is this true? How horribly perfect.

One of my siblings was really fucked off with me once and tried to get me to go for a clifftop walk in a gale. I'd be watching a lot of Miss Marple episodes, and told them to get fucked.

I'm sure undetected familial murder is actually a fairly frequent occurrence.

It's a bit late in the year for mushrooms, but there are alternatives.
Henbane, oleander, foxgloves, yew....
I recommend the River Cottage foraging book. It goes into great detail on how to identify e.g. hemlock water dropwort so you don't confuse it with watercress.
In fact there's a useful little guide to deadly alternatives to edible plants at the start of each section....

wander off to lovely spa where you regain memory shortly after she leaves

Didn't Agatha Christie have a little disappear at one point?

I hear you OP. I do love my MIL but Lord she drives me crazy at times.

@dementedma like you, my dd has a scary knowledge about human body disposal with pigs. Best time to let the pigs at the body, how many pigs, how hungry they should be and how to dispose of the unwanted porcine treats. I really really do not want to know.

Its only 2 weeks there are another 50 in the year, after all the OP invited her, so she can only blame herself.
Buy her a TV guide so she can plan her viewing, ahe can plan her whole day round whats available on the freeview channels even better if you've got SKy!
No need for murder OP

You may have missed the boat in this one....

Many years ago, my sister was charged with purchasing the turkey, for Christmas at my parents. She picked the thing up from the farmer and then drove around for a week with it, in the back of her horse trailer. Shit scared to turn up on Christmas Eve without said turnkey, she dusted it off and hoped for the best. It was cooked and served. All ate their fill. Within 24 hours my mum was taken into hospital with salmonella. A particularly virulent strain, she lost 2 stones in weight and still can’t stand the smell of turkey at Christmas 😁

I could just invite her round right now. The state of the house would be enough. She is very houseproud.

OP, if she’s really old, salmonella kills!

Many thanks for all the suggestions. Went out and 'lost' them in the madness of M and S, actually I went to cafe for a coffee and cake.

We went to change an item she had been given, as we went to a different branch of M and S, she did not take the item, found this out when we got there; she wants to take it back to the nice lady in another branch where it was purchased.

I’m loving that, right at the start of the thread, Maryz suggested a murder version of secret Santa.

ColonelJackONeil
The man who invented the Segway fell to his death off the edge of a cliff on his Segway

Dean Kamen invented the Segway, he's alive and well. Jimi Heselden (bought the Segway company from Dean) is the one that drove his Segway off a cliff.