Easy way to kill my mother in law and get away with it

[Quickerthanavicar]

Lighthearted obviously, but they are here for two weeks and she's beginning to grate.

Just be sure there ain't no 'mild mannered janitors' round when you do it. You'll be fine.

Not sure you will get away with it and if it gets messy you know that you will be left with the cleaning up. Maybe just get her tiddly and keep her that way 24/7. Spike her tea, wine with lunch and then hot toddys before bed. Alternatively a nice 4 hourly dose of benadryl might take the edge off her venom.

Before y'all go off and mainline insulin into your Nearest and Not Dearest it CAN be detected, it is picked up as being synthetic.

Massive air embolism (needs to be at least 30ml) will do it, inject through the belly button and there's only a tiny mark.

I would give her a big slice of ExLax laced chocolate gateaux and keep her busy , the potential for on stair accidents is dramatically increased.

My cat tried to kill me when I was pg , carrying a basket of washing, she was on the stairs and I fell (only 3-4 steps, bump and I were ok) but the scene from the Omen flashed through my head .

mustbe 😄 My imagination running wild now. Though I really don't don't like the thought of cooking the evidence. boak 😷

Visine drops in tea over time kills the kidneys leads to death.
A large dose of insulin administered in the scalp.

Use an icicle. No weapon, no crime, no chance of being caught. Need to find a large sharp one though

Positively if you own a dog - or know someone who owns a dog - sneak it to them. I mean, a dog licks its own bits, it isn't going to care 😆

If you have any shoots going on nearby you could use that to your advantage...

You could get the terrifying robot on the rollercoaster off 70's Scooby Doo to do it. I shat my pants every time those opening credits rolled.
Zoiks indeed.

That story! What do you think he told her - I mean obviously that he was leaving, but why?

He was in love with someone else. Maybe another man! He wanted it kept quiet so no fuss at work after all

If you kill someone with a massive iceblock to the back of the head, where does the DNA evidence go when it melts?

Ah I didn't read thread before posting. Your mind is as evil as mine it seems

You could nominate her as a judge at the Highland Games. Get Geoff Capes pissed before he tosses his caber.He slips in his kilt ... bummer... RIP MIL.

Dry ice in her bedroom at night while she sleeps? Suffocated with a non-feather pillow (don't want feathers found in her windpipe) - pillows swapped after so death mask image not found.
CSI is your friend OP......

Get her a bit part on Star Trek - she must wear a red tunic, not utter a word and must be part of the landing party on an unchartered planet.

Death is Imminent

Cook a large leg of lamb for dinner!

www.depa.univ-paris8.fr/IMG/pdf/lamb_to_the_slaughter_by_roald_dahl-2.pdf

There's another short story but I can't remember who it's by. The person who wants to do the killing takes the elderly father (father-in-law?) for a walk in their very large estate. The poor elderly person falls (with a bit of a nudge) into the ha-ha and dies. Maybe only works in posh estates though.

Sharpen the carrott to a point. Then freeze it. Voila, - feed carrot to reindeer later

Why is she there for two weeks? Does she live abroad? If not I can't see any reason for such an extended stay. I like my mil and IU'd go mad. I'd go mad having anyone for two weeks. I've had enough after two days!

Book a cleaner daily for ten days, slip on ice and 'lose your memory' - wander off to lovely spa where you regain memory shortly after she leaves. No risk of charges, nice clean house & lovely rest.

The man who invented the Segway fell to his death off the edge of a cliff on his Segway. You could recreate that by buying her a gift 'experience' ?

We could exfoliate her to death with unwanted Soap and Glory hampers. When she is a (triple-milled) sliver of her former self we could file the remains with a kitten logoed, crystal bejewelled mini-manicure set.

I might have a friend who would be up for swapping victims - your MIL for my her SIL? Two weeks is way too long to be in the company of someone who doesn't have an off switch - bloody cats are cosying up to her, so clearly they're no bloody use

Otherwise, I think I'm going for the freak icicle incident...

DameDoom - have you just hatched this plan.... or been plotting for a while?

Be aware that if you feed her to pigs, they will eat her but won't eat her hair so you will have to shave her head first or collect up the hair later.
My dd told me this and I don't want to have to think about how she knows it.

Just give her some medicine to make her sleep for the remainder of her stay!