Easy way to kill my mother in law and get away with it

[Quickerthanavicar]

Lighthearted obviously, but they are here for two weeks and she's beginning to grate.

Does anyone have a link to the leg of lamb story. I have one in the fridge.

I'm a fan of 'plausible accident' approaches. Toy trip hazards, asking questions at just the right moment to divert attention from the oncoming bus.... oh yes.

Lamb to the slaughter by Roald Dhal ;). Loved that story.

A link would be good...am intrigued by what happened to the body after the leg of lamb was used. Unless they did a Hannibal Lector & ate the body...

beltane a long time simce i sawnthat particular episode of tLes of the inexpected, but i think the woman then took sleeping pillls, went to bed, smoke alarm alerted the fire dept and they woke her and informed her the person was dead.

Boat trip with lots of gin and an unfortunate tumble overboard. Unless she is a strong swimmer. Probs best attempted in quiet waters, you don't want another boat picking her up.

Just pretend to have really loud sex every morning and night, even an afternoon quickie maybe and throw in some really loud "oh yes big boy" "ride me faster cowboy".

Hopefully then she will take her leave pretty sharpish and there will be no need to kill her as she won't be back.

Found the lamb story, but mine is in the fridge, so would be more assault than murder. Could batter with frozen individual chicken kievs, but fear this may take some time.
Wonder if I can sort out some sort of runaway trolley incident in Sainsbury's.

Lots of toy cars at the top of the stairs? Or maybe a trip wire?

www.classicshorts.com/stories/lamb.html

Enjoy

Ball of ice in her mouth, she suffocates and the ice melts away.
P.S, make sure you have a slushy in her hand and say she ate it too fast and choked..

@InspMorse has the answer, let the bugger look after her, seeing as he’s so keen to have her stay for two weeks.

I don’t know how anyone has guests, I’m teeth grittingly irritated if they stay longer than four hours 😬

Do you have any pets?

One of my cats once tripped my MIL on the stairs. Luckily neither MIL (because she is lovely and I wish her no harm) or the cat were hurt, but it's a good if slightly bad taste anecdote, the cat who tripped up the MIL on the stairs.

two weeks!!!!

i'll send you some of my insulin in the post!!!

Just say you would like her to go home and help her arrange it now. No point beating round the bush. Two weeks is a very long time to have a houseguest.

MotherofTerriers "Probs best attempted in quiet waters, you don't want another boat picking her up"

I LOVE how much thought has gone into this.

Probs best attempted in quiet waters, you don't want another boat picking her up.

I’m going to hell for Mutley laughing at that.

Probably a lot less risky to set her up as some sort of Big Cheese criminal type, and turn her in. She might be more feisty than you realise, and you might end up bashed with your own lamb.

Anyone has some leftover rancid Tesco turkey?

@LloydColeandtheCoconuts. 👍

I’m gonna read it again now. I love me a good murder!

Does anyone remember a programme called Tales of the unexpected - I seem to remember a murder being committed with a frozen leg of lamb - the killer then defrosted it and ate it - the police never found the murder weapon!!!
Two weeks is 13 days to long in my book -.

Dear god OP. We just spent 3 nights with in laws and I was almost driven mad. Someone would definitely be going under the patio if it was any longer

I agree with encouraging LOTS of time between her and your DH

If you kill someone with a massive iceblock to the back of the head

There's a brilliant Roald Dahl story about killing someone with a frozen leg of lamb, which is then eaten. Yours is a smarter option - the evidence will destroy itself.

MIL is on 3 types of drugs (including statins) which state grapefruit (including juice) should be avoided. She buys and eats grapefruit, no matter how often we point it out. Hasn't killed her yet, so it's clearly not foolproof.

Two Weeks.

Feed her to the dog and claim she went home early?