Easy way to kill my mother in law and get away with it

[Quickerthanavicar]

Lighthearted obviously, but they are here for two weeks and she's beginning to grate.

A colleague used to fantasise about killing another member of staff by tripping whlist holding a pair of scissors. It was really quite disturbing if I'm honest.
Thankfully it was never acted upon.

Train your pets to murder her, my mum's cats try and trip me up deliberately I swear. I've told my mum I'm not worth a lot of money dead! My step dad on the other hand, Is! 🤔

Are you mad? Why oh why did you ever agree to her stating for two weeks are you her only family, I would be looking for any excuse to drive her back home, say you have to return to work and Christmas is over, note to self my mental health is more important than keeping everyone happy, their happiness is not my responsibility.

train your peta to murder her

Ive also seen that as an episode of columbo. With dogs. Rosebud...

Find a stage hypnotist who can make you believe MIL doesn't exist or is invisible and makes no sound.

I would just LOVE to get this

Following for inspiration

Icicle. All evidence melts away. Just need to have an alibi.

Just read the leg of lamb story. If ever there was reason to keep a decent leg in the freezer, that is it!!

Anyone own pigs? You could kill her on whatever way you liked then feed her to the pigs! Just remember to dig out the teeth first...

Can you wait until she is in the bath and throw in an electrical appliance?

Seriously, two weeks is way too long what were you thinking?

Is DH around to entertain her all this time? I like the idea of taking to your bed.

Two weeks? I feel stabby just thinking about it. My own dm came on friday, going home tomorrow. Heartily fed up. Tbf, she wanted to come saturday and go home today but cant cos of the trains..
Seriously 2 weeks?

Make a steaming pot of French onion soup with daffodil bulbs.

Get her passed out drunk, strip her, dump her in the bath.

You went to visit her, she had a drink, got in a state and was stocious, very touchy feely, wanted loads of hugs. After you left, the poor soul ran a bath and drowned. What a tragedy...

I came up with this plan for bastard grandad when I was a kid. He was an alcoholic though, and often passed out/unwakeable, which I guess makes the plan easier and less suspicious.

OP what you need is an MN gathering at your house. Then we can assist in offing the MIL whilst supplying just the right amount of reasonable doubt to prevent a conviction.

Works in the movies...

Plastic bag over head and strangulation. Weight the body heavily and put it in a reservoir a long way from home in the dead of night. Don't take any mobile devices which can track you and turn off all GPS devices on your car. Splash your number plate with mud so it is unreadable by number plate tech devices.

You can thank me later.

2 weeks, you poor thing. I was pleased to see the back of my own mother after 24 hours!!!

Last time MIL was here for Christmas she stayed for 3 weeks. I was a wreck by the end of it.

This year was her year to come here and DH mentioned her coming 15th Dec-5th Jan. Thankfully she decided the journey would be too much although I was disappointed for DH as he was looking forward to having her here. I get in fine with MIL for a max of 4 days then the snarky comments start. Still haven't got over the Great Ironing Comment of 2013 .

That leg of lamb story really disturbed me. Didn't the protagonist have a mouth that looked like a dripping, upside down keyhole?
A dribbly, upside down keyhole mouth would finish her off.
You could stick that over an 80's popstar snog poster to trick her.

Point of order: the leg of lamb is fed to the unsuspecting police men...

Looks at bil, looks at bag of frozen peas, curses the fact that I'm vegan 😠😢

Does anyone know if you can shave a carrot sharp enough to stab someone? 🤔

the final line is 'I am sure the answer is right under our noses'

Roald Dahl. Tales of The Unexpected.

Now half of you will start doing that odd 'dance' and making strange singing noises.

Depends where you intend to shove said sharpened carrot...

You need to kill her outside the house otherwise you'll have police and forensic whotnots all over the place.

And if you drive your car anywhere give it a thorough good clean - in & out - when you get home...

There are some great ideas on this thread

🍷 is your friend