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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 27/12/2017 10:20

musicposy - I have one Sheltie, but she is the fifth Sheltie I have had! Cannot imagine having five together Grin

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 10:30

I will apologies to them and see if they are willing to let me give it when I have more money. I think your right I do need to tell them in advance next year if I can't afford to do presents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 10:33

RafalsTheKingOfClay thank you I will go and speak to them when they are open again and I will sort out the housing benefit. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Merry Christmas everyone Smile

OP posts:
GoReylo · 27/12/2017 10:34

If you're so broke you are selling your belongings off, stop buying presents at all, except for your own dc's.

HeckyPeck · 27/12/2017 10:37

Given your situation, try apologising to your parents first

I don't think you need to apologise to your parents at all OP. They should not have asked for money/presents when they know you have no money for food/bills. Appalling and selfish behaviour.

I hope the CAB are able to help with the benefits for you.

Hopefully once you're in a better position financially you can also reassess your relationship with your parents.

Maelstrop · 27/12/2017 10:41

Do you live with your parents? I’m completely appalled that they are insisting that you give them money for something that has already been bought.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 10:45

GoReylo I have no children yet the only kids I buy for are my nieces and nephews.

Thank you HeckyPecky I will speak to the CAB and try and sort things out with parents but even my boyfriend's family think I need to take a step back from parents because they aren't helping me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 10:48

Maelstrop no I live on my own. I will sort out the money for them.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2017 10:50

Stop!!

Please don’t give them any money.

You have learning difficulties and they would rather take your last £20.

SHAME ON THEM.

You sound lovely. Talk to your boyfriends parents. I’m sure they’ll tell you it doesn’t matter and not to give your parents any money.

Your mother is wearing your ring. SHAME ON HER.

You sound very vulnerable. Tell your parents the whole of mumsnet tells them to get knotted.

Emmasmum2013 · 27/12/2017 10:52

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater
I think your boyfriends family are right. They are toxic people. I know its really hard to even think about it, but you need to start becoming more independent from them. Definitely make a doctors appointment and go by yourself and get all of this off your chest to a professional. They will know what to do. Write down what you want to say and what questions you want to ask before you go and write down their answers if you need to so you can go over them after the appointment.
I think @Splinterz is right, it does come under safeguarding. You need to bring that up with the Dr.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, I can see why you'd be confused over the Christmas present issue. But your parents should not be forcing you to give them money you need for food etc.
And I'm stunned that your mum would buy your jewellery off you!! And then give you a charm for your bracelet for Christmas? Seems like a cruel joke to me.

Emmasmum2013 · 27/12/2017 10:55

I was going to say as well - if you want to give them something for Christmas, just give what you can afford and NO MORE!
Your dad should be able to understand that you're struggling. Tell them "I'm very sorry, this is all I can afford. I wish you'd left the gift buying to me. If mum can't afford to pay for the outstanding credit card balance after what I've given you, then you'll have to return the games"

Rossigigi · 27/12/2017 11:03

Just a suggestion it is worth contacting MIND for support. I was diagnosed with mental health problems 2 years ago. Prior to that I was in a senior management position, very good salary, I have 2 degrees, a masters, but when it came to me being unwell and not working I didn't have a clue what to do.
I was told to contact MIND which I did, they provided a support worker, who came and sorted out all of the benefits I was entitled too. I had never been on benefits before so had no idea how they worked.
They were absolutely amazing! I'm still not well, but I'm getting there. Please do contact your local MIND they really are angels in disguise, and they can provide you with so much support.

Rossigigi · 27/12/2017 11:04

Obviously you will fall under MIND because of your depression and anxiety.

slashlover · 27/12/2017 11:04

OP, the official government website has links to three different benefits calculators. They wont be 100% but they might give you a rough idea of what you would be entitled to, I would still go to the CAB when it reopens though.

www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

Could your boyfriend or his mother go with you to a doctors appointment, as moral support? They don't have to go in the room with you but even sitting in the waiting room beforehand?

MrsAJ27 · 27/12/2017 11:07

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.

You have been given fantastic advice from others regarding benefits etc

As for your parents I think they are cf's as you don't have any money. It doesn't sit right with me that they are now demanding the money for the xbox game. You have listed what you got for Christmas, were those presents from your parents?

What did you get for your Birthday?

Your mum sounds very contolling and toxic.

Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 11:16

Even after all your updates, OP, I still don't understand how you had budgeted £20 for your dad's present, yet didn't hand it over at any point.

Knittedfairies · 27/12/2017 11:18

Shoot, you've had some very good advice, the best being to spend what you can afford and take a few steps back from your parents. The CAB may be able to help and you could find someone to help you with appointments and the like. Have a look at

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/Pages/advocacy-services.aspx

Emmasmum2013 · 27/12/2017 11:35

@Fitbitironic
Because when her dad said "this is what you got me", she assumed that he was saying "I've got these and we'll say they're from you. End of." (or something along those lines)
I don't want to make assumptions about OP's autism, but it can mean that things are taken very literally, which is what I think has happened here.

Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 11:38

Ah, so she thought they were letting her off paying it. Thx emma. Still wondering where that £20 went though... Smile

HeckyPeck · 27/12/2017 11:48

even my boyfriend's family think I need to take a step back from parents because they aren't helping me

Yes, when I said reassess I was thinking along the lines of stepping back.

I'm glad you have a good relationship with your BFs parents. They sound very supportive.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 27/12/2017 11:48

She’s got the £20 but she needs it for food and electricity, Fitbitironic.

Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 11:51

OK thx rafa. Must have missed that.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 12:21

Thank you everyone for your help and advice I have taken it all on board and I will look in to it all I will also look in to MIND and I will check out the benefits calaulatores. Yes my boyfriend's mum would be willing to go with me if I needed her to she wants to try and stop my mum from going with me. Yes those where presents from my parents for my birthday I got a teddy bear a handbag a necklace a purse and a teddy bear in a mug. I will only give them what I can afford it may not be much but it's a start. Rossigigi thank I will look in to it. I hope you get better soon and get back on your feet.

Mummyoflittledragon I think I would get a smack if I told them to get knotted lol.

Emmasmum2013 that is what I thought he meant so in my mind he had his Christmas present from me and no one mentioned any money so it was a bit of a shock when I got told that he said he hadn't got anything off me because in my mind he had he got the games.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and great advice. Merry Christmas and a happy New year to you all Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 12:25

Fitbittronic I do have the money it was just needed for other things but I guess I'm going to have give it to my dad for his Christmas present.

HeckPecky yes I will be taking a step back from them after all this. I have a brilliant relationship with my boyfriend's parents even though we've only been together 4 months they are really helping me out.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 27/12/2017 12:55

You must prioritise feeding yourself and keeping warm above your dad’s Christmas present. Apologise and tell them you’ve got in a muddle and will buy him a gift when you are straight.

They do sound pretty awful but you are allowing it to an extent. Slowly reduce your contact and reliance on them and become independent. Speaking to your gp and MIND would be a great start. Be warned that CAB can have a waiting list but they, too are great. Mental health charities will help you with forms for PIP or ESA. And you can start getting yourself back into the workplace.

Good luck.

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