To think my parents are massive CF's

[Shootfirstaskquestionslater]

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

Thank you MatlidaTheCat I proitise feeding my cats over me they are more important and I don't actually have any heating at the minute the boiler packed in over a week ago hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow. I will explain everything and see if they are willing to wait until I'm straightened out a bit. I will try and get in to my gp next week and I will get in contact with MIND ok thank you I will bear that in mind about CAB. Thank you.

Oh dear, that's no good about the boiler either! How are you staying warm? Have you got a gas or electric fire somewhere in the house?
What's the living arrangements with the boyfriend at the moment? Will his parents take you in until its sorted? You shouldn't be staying in a house with no heating or hot running water.
Never mind all this "see if they are willing to wait until I'm straightened out a bit". Tell them straight that you can't afford it right now. You'll make it up to them when you can. If they don't understand that then just go home and don't worry about it. They're being very petty and mean. You've got a lot on your plate now and they should be helping you, not making matters worse.

Emmasmum2013 I'm keeping warm with blankets. Me and him have only been together for 4 months he has a flat of his own I spent Christmas day night at his parents house with him but I had to come back home for my cats because it's unfair to leave them on their own it will hopefully be fixed tomorrow if not I might have ask someone if they are willing to let me stay until it's sorted. I think that's all I can do is just explain that I really don't have the money to give them but they will get it as soon as I have it. They don't help I just get left to it and told to use blankets because it's cold in here.

If you're not fit for work OP and SSP has stopped you need to get onto benefits ASAP. It sounds like you could do with a support worker to help you fill in the necessary forms. MIND might be a good place to start but there are other organisations too, usually council funded. Try the CAB or your local council or social services and see if any of them can refer you. Make sure they're aware it's urgent as you have no money right now and no income and make sure you state all your difficulties. As for your parents, obviously you misunderstood about the Christmas present, but they sound self centred and unsupportive. It's good that your BFs family are helpful.

You prioritise feeding the cats.

How about prioritising feeding yourself over buying unnecessary gifts for your father?

The boiler not working for a week isn’t ok. I know it’s christmas but your landlord has to provide you with heaters if the heat is off that long. Please also speak to the cab about this as well.

AppleandBlackberry I will sort it out because I do need some money coming in and I don't think I'm getting back to work anytime soon I'm not employable when I can't leave the house. Thank you I will do I think I could do with a bit more support because I'm not getting it from my family and I don't know what to do or how to go about getting any benefits. They are really helpful and go out of their way to do things for me.

Mummyoflittledragon I never make me a priority there are always people who are more in need than me. I know it's not but I can live with it I just use a lot of blankets but they should be sorting out for me tomorrow I hope. Thank you I will do.

You need to make you a priority. Your parents have taught you that you’re not a priority and they’re wrong. You are my love.

So it went wrong with a miscommunication?

You thought your dad was saying he would buy his own present because you're struggling financially but he did expect either money for them or an extra present?

How it happened is less important though. Your mum is being very rude especially as she must understand you're struggling financially. If your dad has issue why is it your mum being demanding?

Its all a very bizarre way for a parent to act!

I do have the money it was just needed for other things but I guess I'm going to have give it to my dad for his Christmas present
Good for you. I just don't quite get why this whole thing is an issue if this is what you were expecting to do from the start. Seems you thought dh had said not to bother paying because he'd got the presents already, and the whole thread is about you thinking this is unfair, because you misinterpreted what he said... Along with 'extreme poverty' drip feed.

Did the fact you said your dsis doesn't pay all borrowed money back factor into this at all?

You haven’t bought your dad anything, you are in the wrong.

However, if times are as desperate as you say they are - why on earth is your mum pursuing this? Is your dad 14?

Please don't give your dad any money. Shame on your parents demanding it when they know you haven't got it spare!
I would never want my kids pawning their things, certainly not so they could buy ME anything.

I'm glad your BF's parents seem to be helping you - please let them help you more. Your parents sound dreadful - so mean and unkind, and refusing to either acknowledge the dire straits you are in, let alone help!

Please do NOT give your father the last money you have - wait until you have more, so that you can buy food for yourself and your cats. And remember - if you starve to death, who is going to be there for your cats? So you must put yourself at the very least at equal priority to the cats in terms of food.

x

Fibitrionic
Do you realise you’re posting to a vulnerable person? How rude.

Really, mummy? Many apologies if this is indeed the case OP. However, my comment is valid, as it summarises what I understand to have happened in this case (with input from a pp), and wondered if the thinking of op was influenced by behaviour between DM and dsis. Otherwise why did op mention it in relation to the situation?
Hardly rude, mummy. I'd say it was ruder of you to accuse me of being so.

Rude - in the sense of unpleasant - for telling a person with learning difficulties and autism that their post is an ‘extreme poverty drip feed’.

Op is vulnerable. How can you justify telling her to go hungry and give her father a present?

Did you not read the parts, where her sister is favoured and helped because she is NT and op is not?

Did you not read she is seen as a disappointment by her family because of her learning difficulties? I could go on....

Did you RTFT or at least ops responses?

Op is vulnerable. How can you justify telling her to go hungry and give her father a present?
That's not what I said though, was it?

Did you not read the parts, where her sister is favoured and helped because she is NT and op is not?
No, I don't recall reading an update in which op said dsis was 'favoured because she was nt.

Of course I rtft. And the updates, as I clearly referred to them in my previous post.

It's irrelevant whether op is nt or not with regard to me asking if something had contributed to her misunderstanding of the issue. I was asking because she mentioned it a while back in passing, and I thought it may have been a factor in her misunderstanding the situation. It's hardly rude to ask that! It could help her to analyze why she thought what she did,
it wasn't a personal dig, ffs. (Unlike you, who seem to have taken offense at my asking it, for no good reason!)

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater you mentioned that your Mum has decided the games were a gift from her as she paid for them, so how much they cost is irrelevant now. Stop thinking you have to give anyone the money for said games.

If you feel you have to 'sort it' despite being skint, then get your Dad something cheap and cheerful, explaining that you got confused and your budget has since changed. You should not be handing over your last few quid when you're on the bones of your arse and your parents shouldn't expect you to.

Op, by putting the title you did, people will be harsh with you having read your initial post and subsequent wriggles. You have been clearer recently and explained you are vulnerable. I'd suggest you stop posting and start talking to debt and health experts.

Sorry everyone I meant to come back I have given them the money if I get desperate I will just sell more stuff if need be. I promise I will start making me a priority and I hadn't thought about what would happen to my beloved cats if I starve to death and I will ask for more help off my boyfriend's family because they are willing to help me. I may not have any money left but I have my cats and a roof over my head and there are people out there who are worse off than me. Thank you everyone for your help and advice I have taken it all on board and I will be sorting everything out next week.

Don't give your parents any money ffs, if you're hard up, you don't do presents, thats the bottom line. Sounds like a miscommunication but they'll get over it. You need to use your money to prioritise your own needs. Hugs to you OP Be careful of anyone that tries to take advantage of you financially, even if it is your own parents iyswim.

All the best Shoot

aintnothingbutagstring sorrubit had no choice but to give them the money. Next year it might just be presents for the my nieces and nephews and none for the adults. I know but I can sell more stuff if I need to. Thank you hugs I promise I will be careful I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

RaeSkywalker thank you

Shoot, you sound like a nice person, someone who puts your pet's welfare before your own. Look after yourself too though, you matter.

Genuinely can’t belive there are posters saying the op is being unreasonable because she didn’t get her Dad a present. She’s skint. She sold her jewellery to afford Christmas and her parents are making her feel like shit and demanding money off her. Op don’t give them anything you can’t afford, and even then only if you want to! Presents shouldn’t be given because someone has demanded something! I hate all the grabby entitled shite that goes on every year, do people have no dignity?!

I have grown up children and always tell them not to buy me anything, I can't believe your parents are being this grabby. I would rather my kids spent the money on themselves/grandkids. They usually ignore me but I honestly wouldn't mind not getting anything, just to have them around me is enough.