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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:30

I don't have a social worker I never have and I on my found on my birthday that my dad had bought the games because he showed them to me. I will start making my own appointments I can do things for myself my mum just doesn't think that I can but she also thinks I can afford to get a flat by her which I can't. My boyfriend and his family are really good to me they are trying to help me.

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 09:34

I wouldn't disagree with you Thedietstartsnow it's not something I or my family would dream of but then we're most of us in a position to be able to give or loan money to a sibling if they were stuck. I know plenty of people who couldn't and for whom it would be normal to buy things from each other. Different strokes as you say.

I just can't help thinking that we're being painted a certain picture here, information or background that would be relevant at an earlier point in the thread dropped in quite late but backing up the Ops perception which was pretty skewed at the start.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:34

My sick money has run out now I've been off work since June so now I need to figure out what I do I will make sure that I still have a roof over my head next year because if not then I will have move back in with my parents. But I will sort it all out with my parents and give them what I owe them then it's one less thing for me to worry about.

OP posts:
ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 09:35

Speak to the doctor about your money issue as well - especially with one meal a day. I believe they can issue vouchers for you to receive food from your local food bank? Don’t be going without food! Keep your £20, that will feed you for a week!!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:39

I had no idea I could get vouchers for the food bank I was never told about that I will ask thank you. Your right there that would feed me and the cats for a week. Thank you purplefairy I will do that.

OP posts:
Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:40

Can't sleep...this has quite upset me tbh..threads don't usually...possibly as I have 2 kids with autism,..I don't know I just can't imagine treating a vulnerable adult child like this...I really hope this is a troll....apologies op if your not...

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:42

thedietstartsnow no this isn't a troll and sorry it's upset you.

OP posts:
Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:43

I hope you get the help you need op,from doctors and benefits...have you applied for DLa.or pip or whatever it's called now..life can be really hard when you e not got your parents on your side

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:44

Thank you thedietstartsnow no I haven't I will ask my boyfriend's family to help me with that they look out for me.

OP posts:
Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:45

Sorry op...I always hope any upsetting threads are trolls..😢

ladystarkers · 27/12/2017 09:45

You didn’t give your mum the money so she bought them.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:48

thedietstartsnow sorry I'm not a troll and I wish I had something nice to write about.

ladystarkers yes that's why am doing it today and then it's sorted.

OP posts:
InspMorse · 27/12/2017 09:49

I too really hope you get the help you need.

Op, your parents are VERY wrong to expect you to buy presents or give them money when they know you are struggling.

It doesn't matter what you originally said about the games.
If you are selling stuff to your Mum to raise a bit of cash, they know you can't afford to buy bloody games.

All the best OP Flowers

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:52

Thank you InspMorse I will sort it all out but they have known for months that am struggling I just tried too hard to give everyone a good Christmas and it's backfired on me a bit Flowers

OP posts:
Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:54

perhaps confide in your boyfriends parents about your worries,they may have ideas to help..check your benefits,ask your gp for counselling ,and getting a diagnosis if you haven't already...try talking to yr parents ,explain you haven't got the money and you need it for bills or you will be homeless,surely they won't insist on your money if it makes you homeless x

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 27/12/2017 09:55

Do go down to CAB. They ought to be able to do a qualifying benefits check for you.

You might be able to get ESA since the SSP has come to an end, and it would be worth seeing if they’ll help you claim PIP as well. Are you renting? If you have no income you should be able to claim housing benefit.

If that £20 is all you have, I’d probably hold off on giving it until you have something sorted out. Unless you think they need it desperately. If they are decent people they should understand.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 09:55

Apologies Thediet I wasn't implying trolling at all. I suppose my point (which many won't agree with) is that sometimes on a thread information or background that shows an Op in a more favourable light can seem to arise in response to posters questions, those questions being taken as suggestions. I'm not saying Op is lying I just think we may be getting an impression of the parents that suits her because I find it hard to believe these mean people who are taking food from their child's mouth now wouldn't have demanded this money before Christmas. I can't help wondering what her parents version would be.

Admittedly in RL I have a sibling who could present this in a similar way but could completely leave out facts that would very much change the responses so maybe to be fair to Shoot that's colouring my view here.

JingleBellTime · 27/12/2017 09:58

Your boyfriend's family are correct your Parents are toxic.

I have an adult DC with anxiety and on the spectrum I wouldn't dream of demanding money or accompanying them to the doctors unless they ask.

My advice would be if you can to ignore the demand for money to keep the £20 that you have to eat this week and then to get yourself to the doctors alone or if that is too much for you would your boyfriend come with you?

Do you live alone?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:58

Thedietstartsnow I speak to them a lot they know all about all the problems with my family and my situation they might know of some help that I can get to keep me going. Thank you I will try that and I will ask the doctor about some help. Xx

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 10:02

OP, I'm sorry you're so upset. I'm confused by your posts though... you say that you have no money, you're selling your jewellery to buy presents (which you really shouldn't do!) and worrying about how to feed your cats. Yet you say that you'll have money for your birthday and will be able to pay for the games then? Let your mother buy these games for your dad, honestly.

Christmas really isn't a priority and neither is any kind of present or non-essential buying when money is this tight. It just isn't.

I'm baffled at your mum buying one of your rings unless she's intending to keep it for you and give it back to you.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 10:04

Thanks you RafalsTheKingOfClay I will do that and I will see if I can get ESA not sure how I go about that though. Yes I'm renting so I will look in to housing benefit I was trying to do it all on my own. I will see if they are willing to wait until I'm sorted out.

JingleBellTime I do live alone yes and if I asked him to he would go with me if I needed him to. I will see if they are happy to wait for the money because I do need food and electric.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 10:07

Lyingwitchinthewardrobe I sold my jewellery a couple of weeks ago because I needed christmss presents and my birthday was last Friday. No I think she bought it for herself because she's wearing it.

OP posts:
musicposy · 27/12/2017 10:12

Given your situation, try apologising to your parents first. They may agree to let you pay when you're in a better financial situation. But if you promise that, you must be an adult and keep to it.

Next Christmas, communicate well in advance. Don't buy presents when you can't afford to eat. Tell everyone you aren't buying presents. Offer your company, time and love. But if you do this, you can't expect family around you who may also be struggling to shower you with presents. The key is to be adult over it and come to a mutual decision.

Spending birthday money on food and essentials often has to happen at various times of your life. I had many years when all my birthday and Christmas money/ vouchers went on food and bills. It sucks but hopefully it won't be like this for you forever.

As an aside Fiveshelties do you really have five shelties?

KathArtic · 27/12/2017 10:15

I'm not know for my sympathies, but I do feel you are the victim here. It sounds like your family is quite chaotic actually. Did your dad want to pretend the game was from you but your mum found out and he sided with her and not you?

The best gift is one you give to yourself - learning to move away from your parents.

Also you do not need your mum to attend GP appointments with you. Can you ask her to wait in the waiting room? Better still don't tell her at all. Your posts are literate and clear so do you have any diagnosis' for learning difficulties/autism or is it just what your mum tells you?

In future learn to give your time and not money as a gift. Can you clean your parents house, house sit if they go away, walk the dog for a week, baby sit your nieces and nephews?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 27/12/2017 10:18

CAB can help you with all that. They should also be able to refer you to a food bank if needed.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of things are closed this week so it might have to wait until Tuesday. Housing Benefit will usually backdate from the day you request the form from them. It might be worth doing that as soon as you can.