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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 09:00

thedietstartsnow that's not actually what she said. Her mum bought one yes but earlier she was mainly buying for her dns, it's entirely possible her mum thought she was helping her out and it doesn't mean the expected her to sell stuff to cover their gifts. Sorry but somethings not adding up here at all.

RaeSkywalker · 27/12/2017 09:02

Whatever you do- don’t give them anything more than £20.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/12/2017 09:04

OP - I'm glad you now seem to understand the position of your parents, in that you hadn't actually bought anything for your Dad.

But I'm still pretty disgusted with your parents for insisting that you should be giving them money, and/or a present, when you've had to sell your personal belongings to have any money at all. That's not the action of loving, caring parents. If they cared about you at all, they would have said to you that it was fine, you didn't need to worry about giving them anything this year. What your mother should not be doing is making you give your last pounds to your father for fucking Xbox games!!

Your parents are fucked up, seriously.

Take a step away from your family - stop giving them your last pennies when you haven't enough to eat!

ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 09:06

Wow, your parents do not sound like very nice people OP. I’m sorry that you’re in this position. Demanding money as a gift is cheeky IMO. If they think that’s ok then surely they should have given you money for Christmas because that is of more use to you in your current situation than what they did get you! Buy him a present equivalent to the £20 value rather than giving him the cash.

FlouncyDoves · 27/12/2017 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rozbos · 27/12/2017 09:08

I wouldn't call them cf but I would certainly say they are pretty heartless parents. The thought of one of my children struggling to buy me a present would horrify me. I'd be delighted in that situation to get a gift from Poundland and it wouldn't matter what had initially been discussed or what I had bought them.

Get them a box if chocolates from Poundland and explain that that's all you can afford.

Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:08

Can't sleep....really ,really it's ok to buy your kids jewelry off them? ..nah not ok in my book ..under the pretence of helping them out...no you give them money or Kendra money if you can't give,you don't buy their Jewelry of them..

Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:09

Kendra?? What ...lend that should say

coalit · 27/12/2017 09:09

FlouncyDoves, you are out of order, what's with the "us".

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:11

My mum is always loaning money to my sister and never gets it back.
Thedietstartsnow I don't have a great relationship with them I have anxiety and depression and I just get left to it they only ever see me when they want something and my childhood wasn't the best I have mild learning difficulties and autistic traits I was deemed as useless and I would never amount to anything so that's the stick my mum uses to beat me with. I can't go in to the doctors on my own my mum goes with me which means that I can't tell them what's actually going on because my mum insists on doing all the talking for me because I don't have a clue and she tells everyone that she pays my bills for me and doesn't I pay them all and have struggled through the last 6 or 7 months on my own trying to pay everything. Christmas day wasn't the best I get called anti social and made to feel very unwelcome. My boyfriend's family have told me that I need to step away from them because they are very toxic.

PookieNoodle I think there might've been a mix up but I will sort it out with them today.

OP posts:
MoistCantaloupe · 27/12/2017 09:11

Flouncy - you sound lovely.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 09:15

No when he bought them I didn't have the money to hand to give him so he used my mum's card

This is what Op posted earlier re her dad buying the games. Not having the money to hand suggests Op herself was there. She knew her dad bought the games with the card. It wouldn't be my way of doing it but Op didn't raise an issue with it then, she agreed an amount, she knew she'd committed to it, she ignored it and took issue with being asked for it after Christmas. Let's not pretend something was done without her knowledge or agreement, this was on foot of a discussion about Christmas gifts and budget.

Sorry but most of the way through this thread Op has come across like a petulant teenager, I think it suits her to make out that her parents are the nasty fuckers because it invites sympathy. If her parents actually were that mean and demanding she'd have been under no illusions as to whether or not she gave her dad a Christmas gift Hmm. She says they should have asked at her birthday and on Christmas day. They didn't, they waited. Op even managed to convince herself she gave a gift despite not paying for it, read her very first post!

ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 09:15

OP your update reveals that you are in an abusive relationship with your parents. DO NOT give them a single penny. I would seriously consider whether I wanted these people in my life, go to the doctor without your mother’s knowledge and explain everything - they should help you (you are 28 you have a right to confidential treatment without your mother’s knowledge!!)

I’d be taking the gifts back that they got you and then just leaving without a word!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 09:17

Thediet no I wouldn't buy my dcs jewellery from them and nor would my parents but I'm well aware other people live very different lives. It could be perfectly normal in families where there's little spare, not for me to judge.

Imbroglio · 27/12/2017 09:18

Why does your mum go to the doctor with you?

If there is something you want to tell your doctor you can make an appointment to see your doctor your own and ask them not to tell your mum. You are the patient and they have to respect your wishes.

Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:19

Oh dear,that's not good op.....if you know who yr doctor is ,just book an appointment without her knowing,she has no right to in with you.it dosnt sound like your parents are a very positive influence in your life,I suggest you step back a bit ,and limit interaction with them.check with the cab that you are getting any benefits you are entitled to...my friend just got a diagnosis of autism as an adult.if you speek to yr doctor that might be worth pursuing,as it would open doors of help and support for you.

Mxyzptlk · 27/12/2017 09:20

Wow. Going by your update, don't give then anything.

And start making your own appointments at the doctor's. I hope your boyfriend is good to you.

Aridane · 27/12/2017 09:21

Flouncy's post will be deleted, I'm sure

Splinterz · 27/12/2017 09:21

Shootfirstaskquestionslater

So where is your social worker in all this?
You don't have to make a doctors apt with your parents knowledge.
if what your saying is true - this comes under safeguarding and financial abuse

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 09:22

I will only give what I promised to give but I will definetly go to the CAB and ask for some help because I am really struggling but so long as my cats are fed I don't matter I know how to survive off one meal to make my money stretch.

FlounceyDoves I'm not a troll or illiterate thank you very much am just someone who has tried their best for their family and it's not worked out very well but I will fix things and give them what I should've done already.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and help I will sort it all out.

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 27/12/2017 09:22

Sorry OP but why has all ypur money stopped? Have you been on the sick for a long time? Surely there's another avenue to take.....fromnthe way your talking Christmas presents are the least of your problems? Will you have a good over your head next year?

Hisnamesblaine · 27/12/2017 09:23

Roof....... not good.

Cleanermaidcook · 27/12/2017 09:24

The thing is you told them you had a budget of £20 to spend on his gift.
They would reasonably of assumed you could afford this if you decided the budget.
Your mum then bore this cost with the reasonable expectation of you paying it back - as it was you that said this was the amount of money you could afford.
It is not their fault that you miscalculated the amount you had, we are assuming that your mum can afford to stand this cost but we don't know this, it might have put them in financial hardship too.
You should not have committed to spending money you don't have spare.
However - i could not take money from my child knowing that was all they had and would just bear the cost myself.
You do owe your parents an apology though, tell them you miscalculated and just don't have the money, but take responsibility, you are an adult too.

Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 09:24

Can't sleep...hummm I suppose it's different strokes for different folks..perhaps i am being judgey ,but isn't that the whole point of these threads for people to give advice and opinions...the whole demanding presents from your adult children dosnt sit well with me,nor does demanding cash or buying possessions off them ..it's not very nurturing or caring...that's me wording it tactfully..

kaitlinktm · 27/12/2017 09:27

because my mum bought one of the rings that I was selling.

For heaven's sake! If I were your mum I would have just given you a bit of money, not bought a ring off you. You might be in the wrong with the present money for your Dad, but your parents don't sound very supportive or caring at all.