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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is a birthday list at John Lewis the done thing for a 6 yr old ?

272 replies

katwith3kittens · 23/04/2007 17:11

I've just been told in the playground that one mummy who is having a joint birthday party with 2 other children has set up an account at john lewis so everyone can contribute to an expensive present for her child instead of bringing a gift on the day.

Not sure what the other 2 mums are going to do now.

Is this acceptable or just plain selfish ?

OP posts:
fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:26

Most I've ever paid was £29 per child for a go-karting party. But I'm usually more tight than that

chocolattegirl · 25/04/2007 11:27
fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:29

That was pretty much my reaction after I'd promised him he could have it and I'd found out the price!

MadamePlatypus · 25/04/2007 11:30

A birthday party is a fun get together - the presents are secondary. It is not an opportunity to fundraise for your child's toys.

I suppose it would be easier in some ways to by a present on line - Estimated cost for your child to attend birthday party less amount spent on said child at your child's last birthday plus the value of the present that they bought - that would do it.

Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 11:31

fortyplus - I agree, and I think that there is a great case FOR presents when parents take the time to help a child choose a special present for a friend or relative. It's great learning opportunity to think of others, know their personality and do something to surprise and please them.

MadamePlatypus · 25/04/2007 11:32

ooh I say toilet - it really annoys my mum

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:33

I say it sometimes, too!

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:34

MadamePlatypus - actually... how about taking it one stage further... tell everyone the cost per child of the party and tell them they can't come unless they bring a present of equal value!

chocolattegirl · 25/04/2007 11:35

Just charge them entry, refundable when the gift has been valued and sold on Ebay .

Profits to Mummy's purse

speedymama · 25/04/2007 11:38

These days too many kids know the cost of everything and the value of nothing. It's madness. Buying into corporate, mass produced, birthday parties is wrong, wrong, wrong imvho.

Stigaloid · 25/04/2007 11:39

Fortyplus - i agree - she probably could have worded it differently rather than make an assumption that everyone would be happy with the idea.

However, that being said, i have never been to a party without giving a present, so i'd probably make the same mistake as her in assuming that most people provide presents to the birthday child. Even if it is something small and simple like a yo-yo or a Mr Men book.

Stigaloid · 25/04/2007 11:40

"These days too many kids know the cost of everything and the value of nothing. It's madness. Buying into corporate, mass produced, birthday parties is wrong, wrong, wrong imvho."

I agree- the most fun parties of my childhood were the ones where i helped my grandma bake my cake and we ran around the garden or played sleeping lions.

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:43

speedymama - my nephew (12) was looking at ear rings to buy his girlfriend. He saw some he liked for £10, but then found some he preferred for...

£400.

He was quite prepared to take the money out of his account and buy them.

My brother & his wife are quite materialistic - everything has to be the right brand.

They clearly haven't managed to give him any idea of the value of money.

Stigaloid · 25/04/2007 11:44

£400 for a pair of ear-rings!!! I wouldn't even allow my husband to spend that much money on ear-rings for me!

Wow!

Am mightily impressed that he has managed to save up £400 at his age.

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:45

Yes - best parties my 2 have had involve pitching tents in the garden and having an outdoor sleepover.

The go-karting was great fun though - they could do 40mph!

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:46

Stigaloid - he's probably got thousands knowing them... They paid him £50 for each level 5 he got in his ks2 SATs.

Mine got 'Oh - did you? Well done, darling!'

hayes · 25/04/2007 11:47
Shock
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 25/04/2007 11:48

Yes, fortyplus, but your children will grow up to be the better adjusted (and probably happier)

Stigaloid · 25/04/2007 11:50

ShockShockShockShockShockShock

speedymama · 25/04/2007 11:52

Words fail me.

Summerfruit · 25/04/2007 11:52

Message withdrawn

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 11:57

GrumpyOldHorsewoman - funnily enough, he's a lovely kid and he asked me about a year ago if he could come to live with me because 'Everyone always shouts in my house'

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 12:04

Summerfruit - hope bump doesn't arrive early so they end up with the same birthdays!

I carefully planned ds2 so that his birthday is 6 months away from ds1

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 25/04/2007 12:10

Your influence is obviously stabilising, fortyplus. At least you can be a good mentor for him.

fortyplus · 25/04/2007 12:19

I try to be - we're very fond of each other. He still gives me a big hug & a kiss every time I see him, even though he's a big boy of 12! He is exactly half way between my 2 in age, so they have always been very close - there's only 18 months between mine.

Since he went to secondary school we only see him during the holidays apart from very occasionally at the weekend. He worries a lot about his mum & dad. His mum is very volatile and my brother works long hours and is away a lot on business, so I think he thinks of us a bit of a 'safe haven'.