Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is a birthday list at John Lewis the done thing for a 6 yr old ?

272 replies

katwith3kittens · 23/04/2007 17:11

I've just been told in the playground that one mummy who is having a joint birthday party with 2 other children has set up an account at john lewis so everyone can contribute to an expensive present for her child instead of bringing a gift on the day.

Not sure what the other 2 mums are going to do now.

Is this acceptable or just plain selfish ?

OP posts:
Porcupine · 25/04/2007 18:50

we never have peopel not truning up to parties in august
think the mums are pleased to get rid of them tbh.

lapsedrunner · 25/04/2007 18:51

ing, ing, ing

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 19:24

Porcupine, our holidays start in the first week of july, so by the last week in august I think everyone has forgotten about poor DD, and is more concerned with last minute panic buying of the school uniform! The latest trend for the girls in her class is to have a whole load of them go for an pizza at the local italian rest, and for them to act all grown up. One girl had a limo (for her 7th birthday). I just can't go down that road, I won't, it feels so wrong!!!!

babygrand · 25/04/2007 19:56

We also have people not turn up for dd's birthday - it's at Christmas.

Whilst a JL list seems a bit extreme, most of us mums of 10 yr olds buy vouchers or give money now, as it seems more sensible than giving them something they don't want.

divamumplusbump · 25/04/2007 20:36

shocking
how greedy.

LaDiDaDi · 25/04/2007 20:39

Katwith3kittens, how did you get on?

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 25/04/2007 21:13

We too had loads of people not turn up at DD1's birthday. I hired the local swimming pool for an hour on a saturday evening, so we could invite loads. She sent out 32 invitations, and 8 showed up. She was absolutely gutted. Again, her birthday is Nov 28th and seems to interfere with parents' christmas shopping plans. The annoying thing was that she had only received a handful of replies - it's just bad manners IMO

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 21:20

oh Grumpy, don't get me started on bad manners from parents!!!! When DD first started school she had her first school friends birthday party at a playcentre. One mother turned up, dropped the child off, left him and got someone else to pick him up 2 hours later. I'd never met the child before, let alone the mother or the random neighbour who was picking him up. He was 4 yrs old. This year is the first year I have left my DD, and that was because she asked me to I was the only parent at most parties, but I always offered to help out)

Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 21:25

While I completely agree that it is appallingly bad manners not to reply to an invitation to a birthday party, I also think (as a stepparent, not a parent) that birthday parties are a big pain for parents. Sometimes several of our weekends in a row are completely ruined by having to ferry children to and from birthday parties, meaning that the rest of us can't do anything. Fortunately we are getting to the end of the birthday party years with my stepsons, but I am sure it will happen in due course with my daughter. Perhaps smaller parties (so children are invited less often) are a bit easier on parents?

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 21:28

you misery guts!!!!! That's how my DH feels (and me too TBH sometimes!!)

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 25/04/2007 21:34

Unfortunately attending multitude birthday parties was something I never had to deal with. DD1 was invited to so few parties but her best friend was invited to every single one going, which hurt her a great deal, I know. This is why I threw great parties for her, to try to stimulate a bit of out-of-school camaraderie. It didn't have the effect I had hoped.

Incidentally, the first party she had (aged 6) was attended by no less than 35 children at a local leisure centre (I had hired a room). My (teacher) sister had told me I had to invite the whole class as it wouldn't be fair to leave any out. Add to that out of school friends, and we ended up with 35. DH was working abroad, and it was left to me and my mum to run things - not one parent stayed to help. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. (And, I think, that of the conjuror I had booked! poor man.)

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 21:45

Grumpy, I'd have been there to help you out! You wouldn't have got rid of me (especially if there was a sausage roll going spare!)

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 25/04/2007 21:54

I think most of the food was well and truly trodden into the carpet by the end....

I didn't see the other parents for dust. I think they brought their offspring as far as the door and shooed them in whilst running fast in the opposite direction

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 21:56

To go to the nearest pub, no doubt! . I feel a bit sad that DD doesn't let me stay anymore, I kind of lurk about for a bit until she goes mummy and looks at me funny as if to say, 'piss off, I'm with my mates now!'

NKF · 25/04/2007 21:58

Re: parents doing a runner, you can't really blame them. By the end of reception year parents have been to so many parties and often seen the same entertainer over and over again. And as for the ones in the soft play areas....

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 22:02

I quite like them. But then I just want to eat the crap food TBH

NKF · 25/04/2007 22:03

Ah, you want those wotsits.

Gingermonkey · 25/04/2007 22:09
DonnyLass · 26/04/2007 13:33

holy cow

my dd is 7 months ... dreading having to deal with this sort of nonsense

what kind of numsky does that for a kid's birthday ...

3catstoo · 26/04/2007 14:09

Ds has been invited to some truly fab parties but we just don't compete. we have a family trip to Legoland or somewhere similar. We spend on the family in lunch and tea and a small present each, the same as a party would cost but we all enjoy it much more.
Ds went to a toboganning party, go karting, bingo, disco with 58 children in a hall (nightmare! all the children were terrified and the parents that stayed). Some are great fun but it's all getting out of hand.
DD decided she didn't want a party as she always wants me to stay at other parties and clings to me if it's the whole class.
surely they don't get anything out of these huge parties (apart from crappy presents ).

Original poster
katwith3kittens · 26/04/2007 14:29

Well, the 3 way party is still going ahead and I've raised my concerns with both mums, mum #1 is going ahead with her origional plan, but mum #2 and I have agreed to share presents.

I've really enjoyed reading all of your replies, some of them have been so funny, but they also confirmed my thoughts that this was so wrong.

Loved the tent and the mosquito net idea so much that I've decided to go it alone next year and pinch that idea. Luckily DH now has a whole 12 months to get himself accustomed to sleeping outdoors with them all this time next year ! Thanks.

OP posts:
kitbit · 26/04/2007 15:05

What does the John Lewis mum do when it's other childrens' birthdays?

awful awful awful that she is asking children for money. urgh.

Rachmumoftwo · 26/04/2007 16:10

I always reply to invitations whether DD can attend or not. It is just good manners. I also try to make it possible for DD to attend every party she is invited to, and throw her a big party on her birthday. I do this at home with as many kids as poss, playing games and feeding them lots of party food. Yes it is hard work and yes the house gets trashed. Our children are only little for such a short time I believe in making it a fun time for all involved. This said, it is not about money and presents, it is about having a good time!

Rachmumoftwo · 26/04/2007 16:12

BTW, The Works (discount bookstore) is doing a BOGOF on kids books, a great idea for cheap but nice pressies.

nailpolish · 26/04/2007 16:16

i did this but at Jenners