Or is a birthday list at John Lewis the done thing for a 6 yr old ?

[katwith3kittens]

I've just been told in the playground that one mummy who is having a joint birthday party with 2 other children has set up an account at john lewis so everyone can contribute to an expensive present for her child instead of bringing a gift on the day.

Not sure what the other 2 mums are going to do now.

Is this acceptable or just plain selfish ?

I thought the landed gentry shopped at Harvey Nicks arfishy. Harrods is for the nouveau riche and foreigners surely.

[shock at Arfishy]

I hate the idea of a wedding list - I always wonder if they're getting married to blag themselves lots of presents so they won't have to fork out on cutlery canteens and crockery sets themselves or make do with Tesco stuff instead . Especially if you don't even get invited to the wedding breakfast but still get the list sent to you with the evening invitation . What's that all about?

We had our wedding list at John Lewis - before we'd even decided what to do about presents, we were asked where we were going to have our list. To avoid multiple toasters etc, we chose to have a list. There was nothing more than £30 on there though and as we didn't have a separate guest list for the evening, we sent the gift list details to all guests.

We had a wedding list at Hoopers - a sort of John Lewis for Tunbridge Wells - and a charity gift list which we sent to our own-age friends who find lists acceptable. Getting married in your 30's when you've both had houses of your own does mean you don't need much. Didn't send it to old family friends and relations though.

(We would have missed out on that Turkish leather stool - bright red and gold, niiice - from my Uncles attic if we'd given him the wedding list. And I'd so hate to be without it... ).

I'd start a wedding list thread but I'm off to walk the dog...!

The money will probably just be going into the mother's account.... she's probably overspent at Christmas or something and JL are after her for money.

That's why I hate birthday parties and I have no intention of holding one for my DTS for as long as I can get away with it.

DTS were invited to a 3rd birthday party which was held at a soft play centre. It was such a soulless affair. The presents I bought were a small book costing £1 from a charity shop and an alphabet jigsaw which also cost £1 from a discount store.

I hate rampant materialism/consumerism.

Hoopers? Much much posher than John Lewis - or at least the one in Wilmslow was. Pianist in coffee bar playing for the ladies who lunch etc.

Utterly disgusted & nothing else to say without swearing a lot!

We had already moved in together when we got married so we had pans/towels etc. iven if they didn't match and were from Woolies.

However, cos we paid for the wedding ourselves we were short of cash for the honeymoon. It was an independent travel one so we planned it and costed it in bite size chunks i.e romantic dinner for two or :ferry to island or: film development costs and let guests choose one to buy!

We covered our honeymoon, but still got glasses etc.

This reminds me when dp started a new job one of the men on his team invited us to there baby shower then said the only thing left on the list is a steriliser so if you bring that it would be good......He had only known dp for a day!!!
But dp bought it because he was the new one at work and he didn't want every1 to think he was tight

Good Grief!!! What next???

At DD1's 11th birthday party, we stipulated on invitations that, as she has a large family and always gets loads of presents, we will be asking for no presents to be bought. Instead we intended to have a whip-round for the NSPCC (her choice) so anyone who wanted to could drop some money into the (anonymous) box by the door. We then paid the money we got to the NSPCC 'Full Stop' appeal.
Sorted. No millions of presents to pretend to like, but did something worthwhile instead. And no, it did not make me feel all worthy, it just made sense.

Totally unacceptable to have an account set up at John Lewis(or anywhere else for that matter).

I agree you don't have to spend alot of money and the more thoughtfull gifts that have cost less are much more appreciated than the expensive ones.

However, I am a bit taken aback you would spend £2 on a birthday gift speedymama, especially as you had two children invited to the birthday party. I am not materialistic either, but unless I really couldn't afford it(and I apologise if this is the case with you)I would spend a little more, especially as these softplay places charge a fair bit for each child. I know the point of a party is not the present and I would not like to be told what to buy, but there is not way I would spend £1(I think £5 is reasonable) on a birthday present.

Poor little six year old.

Actually Vinegar, a lot of thought went into the presents (money was not an issue). The book was about cars (the child likes cars)and the alphabet jigsaw will aid the child in learning the alphabet. The fact that I managed to get them so cheaply is a bonus.

Why does one have to spend a certain amount in order for a present to be deemed of value? I did not ask for the invite and if someone wants to waste their money on holding a party at a play centre, why should I spend more on a present because of that?

I wonder if Speedymama will be posting in a few years time 'AIBU - I spent over £10 per invitee for my dts birthday and all the presents were cheapo charity shop gifts'
Hmmmmm

Doubt it because DTS will not be having birthday parties because I hate them with a passion.

Speedymama - I'm sorry if I upset you, I shouldn't really judge. You are right a certain amount of money does not have to be spent for the gift to be appreciated. And at the end of the day, the child in question will not know how much it costs and should not care anyway. I guess i just reacted because in my mind I think I roughly equate the amount I need to spend to the amount it is costing the parents who throw the party. I think my post was just gut instinct, the cost of the gift shouldn't matter but if not much thought has gone into it and it hasn't cost much then it would rankle a bit- but that is me being unreasonable!

I agree with speedy. You can spend more of your 'other' valuable resources i.e thoughtfulness and therefore 'time' on a present that may not come in financially equal to those bought by lazier people!

Thanks Bethbe. You eloquently summarised my approach to present buying.

It is nice if both thought and money went into it though

I'm with Speedy on this - rather have the thought and not too much money.

My ds 1's birthday is just before christmas and got over looked both years. So the other week we had a non-birth-day for him, all running round the local park with food laid on after at the park cafe. I went to expense and a lot of trouble doing nature trail sheets and getting prizes and paying for the food, but at the bottom of each invite I put clearly 'no presents please its not his birthday'. After reading this thread my halo is shining at how popular I must be with the other mums and no wonder we had full attendance!!
John Lewis!!! One friend who had a party for 10 2 year olds at their house did comment that next year she might ask for argos vouchers for him so that they can buy a new vaccuum for after the party . I always ask in advance what a child would like so no wasted tat gifts, we never spend more than a fiver, and I'm with the other mums, just turn up with a standard cheapo party type gift for this child and perhaps the mother will get the message and be very embarrassed?

we are raising a nation of mini-accountants 'get everyone to invest their money in what you want'...nothing wrong with adult accountants - but this level of organisation for children to control gifts is horrible.

Whatever happened to surprise? To delight? To excitiement?

Everything is planned and known about and ordered in advance by the child from a catalogue....

Here here Blu