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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is a birthday list at John Lewis the done thing for a 6 yr old ?

272 replies

katwith3kittens · 23/04/2007 17:11

I've just been told in the playground that one mummy who is having a joint birthday party with 2 other children has set up an account at john lewis so everyone can contribute to an expensive present for her child instead of bringing a gift on the day.

Not sure what the other 2 mums are going to do now.

Is this acceptable or just plain selfish ?

OP posts:
Rachmumoftwo · 23/04/2007 21:46

I must say I am loving this thread. Yes please, a link to the list! x

PeachesMcLean · 23/04/2007 21:52

We want a link. We want a link. We...

It would have a family name on it though wouldn't it? And sadly I get the impression it's not even a list but just an account, so they can go and spend the money on one thing at the end of it. That's even worse isn't it?

Quokate · 23/04/2007 22:10

OMG!!! And to think I laughed when a friend used John Lewis for her wedding list!

Because my DD and her best mate's birthdays are a day apart they share their party but my DD's invite always asks for just a card and a £1 coin for her moneybox or whatever special she's saving up for as we all appreciate how expensive a birthday party pressie (or two or three a week) to buy can be! She's not been disappointed yet not having anything to open thank goodness!

Agnesnitt - for boys aged 5+ I would recommend anything Dr Who themed!!!

whomovedmychocolate · 23/04/2007 22:16

Ooooh please call her and say you don't like the stuff at John Lewis so you have set one up at Primark on her behalf

thelittleElf · 23/04/2007 22:18

Good grief - tbh i wouldn't want my child to go to THAT sort of birthday party . Sounds more like it's for the mums own ego rather than to celebrate her childs life!

Original poster
katwith3kittens · 23/04/2007 22:18

Sorry, I cant add a link as she didnt tell me what it was that she wanted her child to have, only that it was 'expensive'.

The invites havent yet gone out, but she is planning on putting a note in the school bags via the teacher along with the invites when they go out.

I was to shocked to make any comment at the time !

I totally agree with all of you in that it is outrageous request, and you've given me the confidence to say something about this to her.

OP posts:
TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 23/04/2007 22:19

Perhaps she wants a hostess trolley to add the finishing touch to her fabulous party-giving style? Apparently it also comes in 'antiqued pine'. Can you imagine that ladies?!

rabbleraiser · 23/04/2007 22:20

She's probably a MN'er. Hope she's reading this

rollonsummerholidays · 23/04/2007 22:20

littlelapin sooooooooooooooo funny your links to john lewis. the world has gone crazy

whomovedmychocolate · 23/04/2007 22:22

I reckon she wants a new sofa.

MrsGumby · 23/04/2007 22:22

What will this woman put in the kids' party bags...Waterford Crystal? A Faberge egg?

whomovedmychocolate · 23/04/2007 22:26

Perhaps a John Lewis catalogue for her next planned party!

rabbleraiser · 23/04/2007 22:28

Bitch.

whomovedmychocolate · 23/04/2007 22:29

Rabbleraiser - the mum or one of us?

chocolattegirl · 23/04/2007 22:29

It sounds materialistic but I loved seeing my dd with her pile of presents from her party - and opening them all!!! The same (or less) amount of money to let her run wild in the toy department with wouldn't have been a good way to round off her party day with. 'Big' presents bought together should be a family-only affair.

Springadora · 23/04/2007 22:30

I think this misses the whole point about a party. Birthdays should be celebrated with those who know you well enough not to buy you tat. If a party is kept small enough this nonsense doesn't happen - I read somewhere that the number of kids should match their age ie age six, no more than six guests. And that wouldn't need to be shared would it? We just have kids round to our house/garden and have traditional games and traditional fodder. We give a balloon and a small present to go home with eg a small book or a plant. Two hours of memorable and unique merriment. If people are really stuck on present ideas I suggest book tokens.

whomovedmychocolate · 23/04/2007 22:31

People buy crap and it's not appreciated. I'm of the jelly and ice cream not venue centred parties school of thought. The only party bags are around the eyes of LOs allowed to stay up late because it's their birthday.

thelittleElf · 23/04/2007 22:32

What alot of these people don't get is that their actually setting their children up for a big fall when their older . Trust me....i see it almost everyday

rabbleraiser · 23/04/2007 22:36

Oh, Chocolate. Need you ask. The mum, of course.

whomovedmychocolate · 23/04/2007 22:37

My DH and I don't even celebrate our birthdays with pressies these days, apart from wishing each other happy birthday verbally.

I can't see what the bloody fuss is all about TBH. Kids should be allowed to have friends round and have a fun tea now and then regardless of the date and yes, birthdays are important but it's about celebrating the fact that your child has survived and thrived another year right?

SoMuchToBits · 23/04/2007 22:40

If you are not happy with the idea, then just take a present as you would normally have done instead.

That's what usually happenswith wedding lists - at least it did with ours. We had quite a few items from our list, plus several presents of money/vouchers, plus quite a few presents not from our list.

I'm not so happy as some other Mums with the idea of taking just one present to a joint party, and then splitting them, as I always put a lot of thought into selecting something which we think is appropriate for that particular child (though it doesn't have to be expensive).

Londonmamma · 23/04/2007 22:43

Is the mum asking people to contribute money towards a specific 'big' present?

tearinghairout · 23/04/2007 23:13

Littlelapin, loved your link, made me cry laughing.

SoMuchtoBits agree with you - I hate to think of presents being split at the end, my DD chooses her (£3) presents for her friends with great care (so-and-so would like that etc). My two are twins, when they were small we always had joint parties & the guests bought for the dch who'd invited them (easy because boy/girl). The Book People do these packs which work out at peanuts each & I always just gave one to each child plus a bit of cake. Accounts at John Lewis? Unbelievable. I would just ignore it. Just choose something for a fiver & take it along. The 6-yo will like a bit of plastic tat to unwrap, and it's his birthday, not Mummy's chance to line her pockets.

mm22bys · 24/04/2007 00:31

I am disgusted too.

But hey I think wedding registries are bad enough!

We had a joint party last year for my DC. It was a great success and really sensible too given the other DCs b'day was only 5 days before my DCs and we know the same people!

I personally would rather say NO presents for my DCs...

Still !

arfishy · 24/04/2007 03:33

I think this is quite interesting. Clearly, choosing John Lewis is just being snobby - most of the toys available in John Lewis are available in Argos.

I do think just a little though that getting people to put money towards one thing that the child really wants is maybe better than her getting 20 things that are duplicated/inappropriate etc. Less wasteful and also a lesson in 'if you get one big thing you won't get anything else'.

It does have to be said though that it is a terrible assumption about gifts on the part of the mother.

I'm still at the blatant materialism of my best friend in putting her wedding list at Harrods. FFS. Last time I looked none of us were landed gentry.

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