To leave 8year old DS home alone?

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After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

You don't KNOW. You THINK. And there are many other things that could go wrong (even if it is likely all would be well). You're taking a risk that I believe is unacceptable and if you are still doing it now I hope someone reports you

SS already know what I'm doing (I'm not in the UK remember) and they are absolutely fine with it - I talked to them about leaving DD before I started doing so as DD has a social worker (because of issues with her dad) so important to be upfront with them about this kind of thing.
The unthinkable might happen, but we can't live our lives fearing unlikely things, we minimise risks when we can and when we can't we have to just cope with the knowledge that something terrible might happen but most likely won't.

@RoderickRules you bloody well would be arrested if something bad happened to your child while you fucked off out and left them alone at the age of 8. What planet do you live on? You obviously think it's ok to leave a child alone so you're covering your ears and going LALALALALA when provided with opposing information.

Right. Clearly I am the one being ridiculous because I think young children need and deserve the supervision of the people who are meant to keep them safe

Young children need and deserve appropriate parenting and sometimes that means not supervising them constantly but allowing them to grow and develop their independence. You do your children no favours by supervising them constantly once they are past the very young years (under school age)

What if, as in my case, we would have definitely lost our home if I was unable to go to work?

Be homeless under Mums supervision?

@RoderickRules your circumstances do not make it ok. Yes you have a shitty set of circumstances, but you can't use them to justify things which are blatantly wrong, just like you can't go stealing because you're poor - it's just not ok c

It's not ok to leave an 8 year old for that long, and not ok to ask him if he thinks it's ok.

Well Suess, what you have said is directly contrary to the NSPCC.
I guess you know best!

He's 9 in September??? So he's only just turned 8. I wouldn't risk it.

Sorry Op but leaving a sleeping child at 6am is the bit that concerns me.

My DS is 12 now and if I have to pop out in the morning to the shop I always wake him and tell him where I'm going.

Like a lot of kids he can sleep through a lot of noise and my fear is, if something happened in the house he'd simply sleep through a fire for example. Until it was too late.

An 8 year old waking up disoriented would not remember a fire drill.

An 8 year old half asleep might open the door to anyone.

What if he was half awake and tripped going to the toilet, or downstairs.

It's unthinkable to me Op, sorry.

him getting up, getting dressed, washed, preparing own breakfast

These are all things he has been capable of and enjoys doing himself for many years now, I would be extremely shocked if most 8 year olds aren’t doing this anyway?

For what it's worth, while I wouldn't do it, I think the OP sounds solid and reasonable, just in a really scary, shit position with realities of trying to keep a roof over their heads. She clearly doesn't want to do it. Unless any of you have been in that really terrible position, don't judge.

OP - what about if something happened to you while you were doing this?

Thanks for everyone who has contributed though, as someone pointed out, a lot could change by then. The only reason for my sudden panic is that I was basing taking the job on it but I think I’ll take the job and use the next 6 months to save, cultivate friendships and support networks and plan my next move.

Up until the 90s it was quite routine to leave sensible children at home. I wondered whats happenned to society in that time as some wont even leave their 14 and ql15 year olds alone.

While I agree that an 8yr old should be able to get themselves up and fed and entertained, they wont necessarily deal appropriately with unforseen circumstances. So a no from me Im afraid

Don’t take my giving facts as being defensive either, I just have no time for the absolute drama and jumping to crazy conclusions (comparing it to the McCanns for goodness sake) etc.

But I appreciate and respect all the other snippets given and a few have definitely struck cords that I hadn’t thought about.

Absolutely no way, he’s 8, he’s a young child. You need childcare. A 10 year old in year 6, possibly at a push, even my year 7 wouldn’t like it although I would be happy but an 8 year old, absolutely wouldn’t even consider it in a dire emergency.

"Up until the 90s it was quite routine to leave sensible children at home."

Yeah. I was one of those latch-key kids. It wasnt an idyllic childhood free from the shackles of health and safety. It wasnt very nice at all. And some of my peera didnt make it through their 70s/80s upbringings unskathed, in fact some even died from the type of accidents that just wouldnt happen today!

I'm a child protection lead at work, if this was brought to my attention, I would certainly seek advice from SS. Similar happened where a 10 yr old was walking his 7yr old sibling home from school, then letting them in and they were alone for three hours. I had to intervene and offer the parent support by way of subsidised wrap around care. Don't do it.

I sometimes wonder what different world I live in when reading some things on MN

Whilst I appreciate you are stuck between a rock and a hard place OP - no, it is not remotely ok that you'd leave an 8 year old child home alone for 5 hours while you go to work - please don't do this, I don't know anyone within my family or friends etc who would even contemplate this - and if I knew someone who did this I would report them - I couldn't bear it if something happened to that child and I was complacent in that happening.

I was a single parent and I do understand your dilemma - compromising your child's safety at 8 year old and leaving them alone for 5 hours is neglect - even if it isn't defined in law.

Eg its all very well telling a child not to answer the door, until you get a persistant aquaintance who saw them at the window and wont go away..

If something breaks an 8yr old will often try to fix it rather than wait..and might know where the superglue is..

They dont know how ill they need to be before calling for help. Or what a dangerous leak/flood looks like etc

@tiddie ‘leaving them alone for 5 hours is neglect - even if it isn't defined in law.

So says you!
Your word is not the law!

Child protection lead here too and I would definitely be contacting SS about this if it was brought to my attention. I know it would be taken seriously by them (for good reason). Don't do it.

I was an eight year old child in the 1960s and was never left alone at home at that age, nor were any of my friends and family - or neighbours. It was as unacceptable then as it is now. My mother did work part time, but we were left in the care of our father or a relative or friend if her shifts weren't when we were in school.

Doing it would be neglectful.

OP, looking at your recent update it's obvious you've listened and taken comments on board. I truly hope you do manage to get appropriate childcare organised and things improve for you. Good luck with it all.