To leave 8year old DS home alone?

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After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

Have you considered relocating closer to family/friends? It sounds like you need to move anyway if you're close to losing your home so it would be more practical if you had support around you.
I think leaving your ds for that length is too long and will cause you both stress in the long term.
Summer is over half a year away, I'd advise you to do your best to change your over all circumstances before then by any means possible.
I feel for you it's an impossible situation.

I would be very careful. The law is unclear but it would almost certainly be considered neglect and if anything happened to him you could find he is removed from your care by the social services.

If you leave him and he comes to any harm then social services will come down on you like a ton of bricks
Fire
strangers at the door
microwave kettle eic
you being involved in an accident and not coming home
either of you being taken ill
being targeted by older kids or bullies who know he is home alone
your son attempting to do something new that results in him being hurt.
your son going out alone. kids are unpredictable and impulsive..

I am shocked that anyone would ever think leaving an 8 year old child on their own in the house for even 10 minutes would ever be acceptable

I did it once. Single parent. All support network away. Needed to get an inhaler for quarantined DD. It was stressful.

OP YABVU not least because in the midst of all the upheaval of a move/marriage breakdown etc you risk making your child insecure by leaving him alone regularly.

I wouldn’t, and I’m pretty relaxed about these things.

I have 2 kids, 8 and 12. I’d leave them together for that amount of time during the holidays. Because my retired parents live close by, my eldest has a phone and they can make their own breakfast and aside from that wouldn’t move from the sofa due to being attached to their iPads.

I leave my 8 year old alone to nip to the shop, or to pick up his older brother from a friends. No longer than about 20 mins.

It's not neglect, but no, I wouldn't. I have left 8yo DD since she was 7, but for no longer than 30 min and during that time she has access to her iPad to call or text me if needed. Maximum amount of time she's been left at age 9 was 2 hours and we were a 3 minute walk away.

When Ds2 was 8, I would have left him for more than a few minutes, unlike pp, because he would be perfectly happy.
But no, I wouldn't gave left him for what OP was suggesting.

He's a year younger than my DD, I'm sorry but there's not a cats chance in hell I'd leave her home alone - you need to rethink your if you can't rely on your ex - it would be neglectful, imagine if something out of the norm happened, he wouldn't know what to do
I'd consider doing this for a 13 Year old upwards only. My best friend lives literally next door to her sister and has a 10 year old, she leaves her to take the dog out for half hour only and that's with her aunt next door

It really depends on the kid. Aged 6-7 I used to go to my friends house by myself etc. Aged 8 ish I used to walk to school and back by myself and run errands etc. So really it depends on the kid.

It’s up to you OP.

Can you do a risk assessment and then some role playing for all eventualities?

Be available on the phone.

You’ve got to do what youve got to do.

OP. Try it out over the holidays now. You will know pretty quickly if he is ready. Make sure he knows the rules and is comfortable with it. My rules are no answering the phone unless they can see it is me or dh calling. No answering the door - never even if thy know the person - unless I/dh have called and they know it is one of us. No cooking (cereal for breakfast doesn't need cooking). Call you as soon as he is up. I don't live in the UK and people where I live are much more relaxed about leaving their kids. I find it surprising that people wouldn't leave 11 y.o. alone for more than 10 minutes. Here kids walk to school alone at 4 1/2. My dts went to the school in the next village for 2 years- At 6 yo they took a sometimes overcrowded public bus. At 11 my ds took bus and train (changing once)and tram alone to his therapy for dyslexia (took a while of me accompanying him before I felt comfortable -he was fine) . At 12 took a 1.5 hour train and bus ride alone (someone put him on the train).

No. Pay for holiday club like the rest of us working parents

I'm 31 and was a very sensible child and there is no way on this earth that I would have been left alone at 8. 'Times' have been different for a while. As a teacher, if I knew that an 8-year-old in my class was being left alone regularly I would report it as a safeguarding concern.

And at 13 the kids can do a course with the red cross to be a babysitter.

He’s 8! What would he do in the event of an accident or a fire? If someone persistently knocked on the door?

Use a telephone...?

I wouldn't leave a child of that age for that long personally but I'd leave my 8yo for half an hour ish. Life is full of risk they don't disappear the second you reach 13

But I wouldn't let her rampage around the village with no idea where she is. I also will not let her play out in the dark. Those for me are far riskier than being at home.

YABU

One thing OP to be prepared for is that although your DS has no issues with the idea now he might very well become uncomfortable with it when it's actually a reality. I would suggest doing a trial run sometime nearer the summer and see how he copes.

peng then do some role playing.

Everything in life has risks!

Chances are, nothing will happen.

I left my DC at times to go to work, the real actual risk of us losing our home by not being able to pay for it, was larger than the potential risk of something happening to my children.

People need to stop making blanket statements. Some eight year olds would be capable of this. Not all, but some.

• will you have a phone on you at all times?
• is there a neighbour available if your son needs them?
• how does your son feel?

That changes things immensely!

I used to like being left alone aged 8/9. I sometimes had to spend days at home alone aged 8 and babysat neighbours twins. I remember spending the day in bed and reading and enjoying the peace and quiet. (On ill days, not days with the neighbors kids )

But I was also very mature from a young age, had no friends and loved being by myself. I had common sense but admittedly nothing did go wrong.

Your child might be okay if things go smoothly but what if something did happen?

And could you actually do it?

I left my 16 year old DD in charge of 13 year old and 7 year old. She had to walk younger to school and get them to behave. People said I wad silly to sorry but still didn't stop worrying that night

and then ex had a go at me for leaving them when he wouldn't look after them

I really honestly sympathise with you and can see you’re trying to get a job for all the right reasons. But, I agree with the others. It’s too young for him to be alone yet.

The risk of a gas leak or fire?
Minuscule.
You can reduce risk by not cooking.

Role playing is a useful tool, that’s why it is used.

Stop over reacting.