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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8year old DS home alone?

513 replies

Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 17:23

After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

OP posts:
GingerbreadMa · 28/12/2017 15:15

The principle of the act means that SS would be continually trying to identify and remove the barriers that prevent the family from being together.

Yes it does. That still happens AFTER an attending officer would have taken the child into temporary protective custody.

StillTryingHard · 28/12/2017 15:16

The bottom line is OP would never live with herself if something happened, plus as many have said above it's illegal. Do what Churchill used to do - write a list of pros and cons. See which one is longer. You could also write down the worst possible outcome from each choice.

littleducks · 28/12/2017 15:27

I'm confused about some of the professional posting tbh. It's not a picture I recognise.

I know of only one case of police being called as child was left alone. The child was 3 and being looked after by 11 year old. Police attended and then left after calling mum and requesting an adult come and sit in house til her return (they met neighbour and then left). SS were informed but did not get involves at SW level instead a family support worker had a chat to the mum and it all ended there. Nothing like protective custody/prosecutions mentioned on this thread

My more frequent involvement with SS is when children are kept in homes where the children's needs are frequently not being met, often DV and substance/alcohol abuse too. Again no prosecutions

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 16:50

I find it odd how quickly people call “troll” for example on certain threads but if someone says they’re a professional x, y or z it’s all but the PROFFESIONALS said so

OP posts:
TatterdemalionAspie · 28/12/2017 16:51

Yes, I was thinking much the same, Daily!

GingerbreadMa · 28/12/2017 16:56

Well OP in that case you are free to go on your local council's web page, get the contact details for the childrens safeguarding lead, and ask them!

GingerbreadMa · 28/12/2017 16:59

But the fact that you prefered to ask anonomously on here rather than check with your local safeguarding lead directly in person does imply that you were on some level expecting the answers you got...

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 16:59

I actually ran it past a social worker friend of mine earlier and she didn’t see a massive issue but did say it wasn’t ideal (don’t I know it) and would be much more acceptable if I waited

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:00

Posted too soon!

She guffawed at the idea of him being placed into protective custody ad said they don’t even have enough resources for horrendously abused children.

OP posts:
GingerbreadMa · 28/12/2017 17:03

What did she say WOULD happen then if a police officer did a welfare check and found the child home alone? 9

m0therofdragons · 28/12/2017 17:11

I would and did from the age of 6. I lived in a safe area and knew my son wouldn't do anything silly.
How can anyone possibly "know" that of a 6 year old?! I have 2 6-year-olds who are absolutely lovely but there's no way they're equipped to be left on their own. Genuinely shocked at some of the comments on the thread.
Re the op - I'm pretty chilled but I think 8/9 is too young. My dds school allows dc to walk from year 5 so I use that as a guide and think maybe an hour max for a 9 yo but dd1 is almost 10 and I've started letting her walk to the post box and once she's 10 we plan to let her walk to the shop for milk. It's about gradually building up independence not leaving a dc and hoping for the best because that what suits you (trust my I know childcare is an utter nightmare - I had to change work because no cms had space for 3 dc under 4). You have my sympathy but this isn't the answer. Risking ss involvement is never the option you should choose.

Plug123 · 28/12/2017 17:12

My husband has just said DO YOU HAVE BRAINS. This is neglect

Isetan · 28/12/2017 17:31

I actually ran it past a social worker friend of mine earlier and she didn’t see a massive issue but did say it wasn’t ideal (don’t I know it) and would be much more acceptable if I waited

So why are you asking us for? Despite your protests and justifications, you know it is a bad idea. Nothing could go wrong but in the event of an emergency, an eight would have great difficulty in making the necessary decisions.

I dare your Social Worker ‘friend’ to express that opinion to her fellow colleagues and bosses, ‘isn’t ideal’ is a massive understatement and professional incompetence.

In the end it’s your call but being in charge of a toddler is a huge responsibility and not one an eight year should have unsupervised.

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:31

My husband has just said
That settles that so!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:32

In the end it’s your call but being in charge of a toddler is a huge responsibility and not one an eight year should have unsupervised.

Since when did I acquire a toddler in all this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:36

GingerbreadMa she just reiterated that there’s actually is no law but it’s not ideal. She thought best wait the two months until he’s 9 and not for as long (suggested spreading the days out and reducing the hours)
She did also attempt to link me up with helpful services but won’t be called back until the new year. I’m finally starting to feel much more hopeful

OP posts:
RoderickRules · 28/12/2017 17:47

Spreading says would be good.
You could have breakfast together.
Eliminating another risk Smile

RoderickRules · 28/12/2017 17:50

I would think OP is asking here, as a way to do all the research she can?
Get the bigger picture.
See what others have done, get new ideas.

I’ve asked on MN about things before when my mind is pretty much made up, in case there are new angles or info.

Isn’t that what MN is for?
Pooled experience and ideas.

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:51

The nature of the job means the days can definitely be spread (I had originally wanted to work as little days but as much hours ifykwim), not sure of the early start is negotiable though but I feel a lot more confident to put my cards on the table now in regards to summer hours (I was just so grateful for the opportunity all else went by the wayside) and I’m looking forward to starting now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:55

I would think OP is asking here, as a way to do all the research she can?

This is it exactly and I’ve genuinely appreciated all of the non hysterical advise, even from those totally opposed to the idea.
Any replies I’ve made hasn’t been to “justify it” at all, it was just giving facts.

Despite all the viterol I’ve received it’s been lovely to read kind messages (again even by those totally opposed) because I haven’t opened up to many people about the situation because quite frankly I’m embarrassed at what an utter fool I’ve been taken for (I haven’t even divulged the half of it as it’s irrelevant to this AIBU)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 28/12/2017 17:58

*vitriol

Bloody phone Angry

OP posts:
Isetan · 28/12/2017 18:24

I apologise, I totally misread your OP and thought your DS would be in charge of a toddler too. Blush. However my advice would be the same, my 10 year old DD is sensible too but sensible when an adult is in the same house sensible, unsupervised for any length of time, probably less so. I have recently started popping to the shops ( 25 mins max) and I still feel uncomfortable.

Pengggwn · 28/12/2017 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinselTwat · 28/12/2017 18:31

Nobody has been 'hysterical'. I have seen no rending of cloth. People have given you worst case scenarios and likely consequences of those scenarios, and you are suggesting those people are hysterics. They're not. They're strongly suggesting you don't do this very irresponsible thing, however sympathetic they might be to your situation

That's what I'm seeing too.

Natsku · 28/12/2017 18:37

Hope your SW friend can find some helpful support for you or you can spread out the hours to minimise the time your DS is on his own.

My dds school allows dc to walk from year 5 so I use that as a guide
Well if we're using what schools allow as a guide then I'm golden as DD's school allows them to walk alone from school in the first year (when the youngest are five years old). DD is alone longer on the walk (40 mins but can take her up to an hour and a half sometimes if she's walking with her friend or messing about exploring) than she usually spent alone in the house, sometimes I'd even get home from work before she even got home! (finished work an hour after school finished)

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