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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8year old DS home alone?

513 replies

Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 17:23

After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

OP posts:
Natsku · 27/12/2017 19:03

Definitely a different situation kristophers I wouldn't leave children in that situation either. My brother is on the spectrum and I remember times when we were alone together and I'd have to stop him doing something I knew could be dangerous but the danger just never occurred to him - if I had a child like my brother I certainly wouldn't do the same as I do with DD.

user1493282396 · 27/12/2017 19:05

He’s 9 in September? So just 8 then! No, too young

Dianag111 · 27/12/2017 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigmummydragon · 27/12/2017 19:23

Aw please don’t do it op! I totally understand how hard it is having been there myself but I think 8/9 is just a bit too young for what u describe. It doesn’t matter how sensible a child is if he wakes up poorly or chokes on his breakfast 😢 Single parenthood is an uphilll struggle and you very often have to miss out on opportunities that might ultimately make your family’s life better - it’s a bag of shit sometimes but that’s how it goes. Could you ask your employer what the other early starters do? Don’t forget your child tax credits or whatever it is now! Good luck!

manicmij · 27/12/2017 19:31

Seems a bit too long to leave an 8 year old even if you assess him as mature for his age. He will have to weaken up himself and do the tasks to get ready unsupervised. He could be ill have a minor mishap but still need a bit first aid. As for babysitters in Canada 14 year olds can do a short course on the dos and don'ts for safe babysitting. This gives both them and the parents hiring them the confidence that they will be reasonably responsible.Nothing like this in the UK as far as I know. It's tragic you are in this situation but just too long for child so young.

muresan123 · 27/12/2017 19:37

I was baby sitting at that age but I would never consider leaving my kids at 8 years!!! What a totally shit position you are in to even have to think of it....what ever you decide I hope it works out for you both! I am a sp of 3 and have no family or support so can sympathise. ..good luck x

DamnThatOnesTakenTryAnother · 27/12/2017 19:42

My daughter will be 9 in March, so the same age as you are considering. She is by far one of the most mature kids you will ever have come across - her teachers have been commenting on it with utter shock for years. She recently fell down the stairs and gave herself concussion; totally out the blue, no running or silly behaviour a total freak accident. What do you think would have happened if I hadnt been there?

There is absolutely no chance of me leaving her alone for the hours you state, and probably not alone at all.

Multiple child safety professionals have told you that its neglect. Multiple professionals have told you they would contact social services. A police representative has said they would likely take him into police custody and arrest you.

So now your answer is 'well maybe I wont, we will see'. I have read the full thread, and the majority have told you absolutely not hes too young. The majority have said if they found out they will contact social services themselves.

So my question to you OP, is why, with all that information at your fingertips would you even consider maybe still leaving him? Are you really that cocky in thinking social services wont care? Or do you really have that little regard to whether or not your son remains with you?

What youre suggesting is neglect, pure and simple. You brush off comparisons to the McCanns as ridiculous, but that was neglect too. Yes different ages, different country and different situations but BOTH are neglect and therefore its not totally out there for comparisons to be made.

I wish your son the very best of luck.

LlamaClock · 27/12/2017 19:46

Absolutely not, can't believe you're even entertaining the idea.

mirime · 27/12/2017 19:46

It doesn’t matter how sensible a child is if he wakes up poorly or chokes on his breakfast

Does nobody have a lie-in anymore and let their children get up on their own? What's to stop them choking on their breakfast then?

While I think six hours is too long the number of people who would be reluctant to leave their child alone for even ten minutes is surprising.

ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 19:47

I was left alone that long a few times when I was about 10. Any younger than that, no.

ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 19:48

Although, I didn't have to make my breakfast or anything like that as it was the afternoon. I just listened to music etc. Although, I don't think my parents meant to be that long.

Clandestino · 27/12/2017 19:52

too young.

bigmummydragon · 27/12/2017 19:53

Does nobody have a lie-in anymore and let their children get up on their own? What's to stop them choking on their breakfast then?

What’s to stop them? The adults who are still in the same building.....

ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 19:59

bigmummydragon

Not if they are sleeping.

FlashTheSloth · 27/12/2017 20:09

You cannot compare adults who have a lie in to leaving an 8 year old alone for 6 hours on a regular basis fgs. No one supervises their child 24 hours a day. A child could choke when you were in the toilet. I will let my 6 and 9 year olds go downstairs while I lie in, it's not the same as leaving them alone whilst I am at work.

littleducks · 27/12/2017 20:30

My 9 year old catches bus home from school and let's himself in Shock.

I think it's quite offensive to suggest it's neglect give your children opportunities to develop independence at the level that's right for them having sat through lots of child protection conferences and heard true tales of neglect

danTDM · 27/12/2017 20:36

I'm obvs being thick. Where has 6 hours a day come from?
I've missed something.

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 27/12/2017 20:37

While I do appreciate all the input and most certainly the support, some replies have just made me roll my eyes to be honest.

I appreciate it’s very long, that is in fact why I asked for input, but some of the “not even for ten minutes” shock and horror responses make me realise why there is so many big man children loafing around!

The support and the constructive feedback both for and against have really helped make my mind up so thank you!

OP posts:
muresan123 · 27/12/2017 20:45

Ffs give the girl a break. She has only asked for advice!being on ur own trying to feed ur kids is harder than most of u know! Leaving a child of 8 yes old? No I would not do but this is obviously a case were she has no other option! Where do u live? Maybe I can help out x

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 27/12/2017 20:55

I was going to say, may be a neighbour can keep an eye? The sleepover idea is good too.

REBECCAB123 · 27/12/2017 20:55

You are wrong about social services..

Pengggwn · 27/12/2017 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inkandstone · 27/12/2017 21:00

"He'll be nine in September"...

So, only 3 months ago he was still still seven? Do you even need to ask?

Ontheboardwalk · 27/12/2017 21:09

I think it’s a bit grim for a child of 8 to wake up 2/3 times a week during the hols to an empty house.

At that age I reckon I could have figured out what to do if something went wrong however waking up to an empty house, I wouldn’t have liked that.

jemsywemsy · 27/12/2017 21:28

I think it's too young, yes. At that age I think a sensible child can be left for 10-15 mins while you go to the shop or to drop another child off somewhere, if they know not to answer the door and they have a number of someone to contact if you're not back by a specific time. That's a world away from getting up on their own and waiting 2 hours for you to come home. I appreciate that you're in a pickle but so are many people and they don't resort to leaving 8 year olds at home alone. They would find another way, and I think you will need to.

During the holidays I'm sure there would be a trustworthy local teenager who would come round for a couple of hours and hang out with him for a few quid? I know my nieces (14 and 16) would happily do that and they have younger siblings who they often look after so I would trust them 100% to be sensible. I know it's a struggle but you have time on your side to prepare for this and make provisions.

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