To leave 8year old DS home alone?

[Dailybastardmail]

After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

You weren't asking AIBU, you were looking for at least one person to say it was ok.
Please don’t assume to know my intentions. I was asking was I being unreasonable, have taken the majority of replies on board and have rethought the situation.

Anyone who advises you to contact Child Maintenance Service obviously has never used them. They're beyond useless.

It's not neglect but your decision you know your child

Every single person I know who has lost their kids permanently has done so because of neglect just as OP described rather than drugs or alcohol etc. Strongly suggest you find childcare or another job. This one clearly isn’t working for you.

When my partner was going through divorce his at the time 12 year old son was sent to live with him by his ex. He used to leave him at home in his flat on Tuesday evening's 7-930 for work and was only 10 mins drive away. He was always given a takeaway and stayed up playing videogames until his dad got back. His ex went mental when she found out and reported him to social services. They came round spoke to him and his son, they said it's unacceptable and did random spot checks to make sure he wasn't left alone, I was at his looking after his son during half term when one of this spot checks was done at around 11am. This was in 2011. If social services it's unacceptable to leave a 12 year of alone for 3 hours then they will definitely get involved if you leave an 8 year old by themselves for a few hours.

I’m glad you’re rethinking the situation.

Tigger unless there is a back story (like special needs/ history of extreme behaviour) that is utterly ridiculous. A third of year 7 go home to an empty house if both parents work. There is no way it would have stood up as 'neglect'.

My eldest is 9 and would be frightened if he was home alone for even ten mins. Too long and too young.

Your 9 year old would be too frightened to be even ten minutes home alone? That's not normal, a 9 year old should have enough self-confidence to not be scared for such a short time, I'd be concerned about that.

OP I hope you find a solution that you are comfortable with during these 6 months you have before the job starts, I think Stealth's idea of a Uni student (or a college one) is a good one if it's affordable, or then cultivating some friendships with other parents who could swap childcare duties with you.

This thread has really opened my eyes to how some children are at risk from the very parents who supposedly care for them just to make their lives easier - no matter the risk

Well does it make you feel better that my DD's social workers were absolutely fine and did not view it as a risk that she was home alone two days a week after school and said that she was at the right age to start increasing independence in such a way (she was also walking alone to school and back, 40 minute walk, and they said that as long as she was happy with that then it was fine).
The OP needs to be aware that SS in the UK might very well take a different view because of the cultural difference in the UK (shown clearly in this thread) but she should also be aware that what she is considering would be considered perfectly fine by parents and professionals elsewhere - she shouldn't be guilted into making a different decision but should make it based on actual risks versus benefits. There is zero formal childcare for children 7 and over during school holidays in my town (there's wraparound care during term time for 7-9 year olds but no holiday clubs or the like for the holidays) so unless there's grandparents living locally, most of them will be spending at least part of the holidays home alone or with siblings and for longer than the 5 hours the OP is planning - these children aren't magically more mature than British children but they cope.

The ‘other side’ of the argument seem a bit paranoid.
Quoting ‘facts’ out of their own experience.
‘Oh every one I know who lost their children it was because of neglect’
@RavingRoo How many people have you known of the 72,670 looked after children this year?
And we’re you privy to their case files, so you know ‘neglect’ is why they are in care. You do know ‘neglect’ is not a case of leaving an eight year old home alone for 5 hours two/three times a week who is in every way taken care of don’t you?

I also find a 12 year old not allowed home for two hours an evening unbelievable, frankly.

13 year olds can baby sit

OP, your son will be almost 9 by the time you do this job.
Why don’t you contact SS yourself and ask them how best to prepare him for this.
There is a tool on NSPCC website here.

home-alone.nspcc.org.uk/?_ga=2.13731063.1367382714.1514364479-240388244.1509180893

Good luck with it all.
I know how hard it is!

It's ideal, not a night shift (obvs a no no) not all day (obvs a no no) Not every day, back by 11am, most of the time asleep.

^This. Your Ex dumped you and your son facing a really difficult struggle. This sounds like the best solution. Lucky your son is sensible.

To all the posters accusing her of neglect - have you actually read what Op wrote? Do you have a spare fairy godmother to send her way?

Blimey. Such hysterics.

Calling it neglect is way harsh . It’s a poverty issue as OP is clearly struggling here

It really depends on the child and how mature they are really . Many kids did the back in the day .

I would only consider it if desperate , the child was grounded , you have a friendly neighbour and if they have a way to call you.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation OP

In south Europe where ILs live they let kids that age play out and have way more freedom than here . OP isn’t going out on the dazzle here she is WORKING

OP try and move back home

My 10 year old was on her own negotiating the tube network for 2 hours per day .

The child will be almost 9.
Which is relevant.

Op, no for the simple reason that children don't wake up for smoke alarms, immature brains rely on their parents to warn of impending danger. Never ever leave a sleeping child alone on a premises for more than a few minutes. See fire service advice.

There has to be another way. Swap babysitting time with another mum. Check mumsnet local. Ask the school office. Stick a notice on the school notice board. Is there a pta? Ask them.
Which town are you based in?

I think people often vastly over estimate their children's capabilities and understanding of things.

I think people often vastly over estimate their children's capabilities and understanding of things.

In general terms (as I’m aware this is extreme on one end of the scale) I’d be inclined to think the opposite.

Up until the 90s it was quite routine to leave sensible children at home.

Nope. Not the case routinely at all. None of my friends/family would have left an 8 year-old. Mine were secondary age before I (and they ) did.