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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To agree that engagement announcements on Christmas day are irritating

171 replies

InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:05

Friend has just phoned. I agreed to post this on here for her to see what the general consensus is.

She has been with extended family all day. She had been looking forward to catching up with Mum/Dad family and celebrating Christmas with them as they she lives a good distance away from home.
Sister was there with boyfriend (they live near parents) and announced as soon as they arrived at the Mum & Dad's that boyfriend had proposed/ they had got engaged this morning. Apparently the WHOLE day has been about them. Non stop wedding talk.
Are we BU to think that combining family celebrations/ Christmas with personal announcements are a PITA? A bit like announcing one's own engagement at someone else's B'day party?
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely.

OP posts:
Trills · 28/12/2017 10:37

Nobody had better propose to me on Christmas Day.

What a waste.

Christmas Day is already a celebration.

Getting engaged can be an excuse to break out the champagne on a wet Tuesday in January.

PoorYorick · 28/12/2017 10:39

What I'd like to know (and this is a serious, genuine question, OP) is how did the conversation between you two go? I mean, I can understand having friction with your sister and looking for a private little bitching session with a friend. But I can't understand how you guys came up with the concept of broadcasting it for further character assassination on a website on which your friend isn't even registered.

I mean, whose idea was it? Which of you wasn't satisfied with your private conversation and wanted to open it up to the world wide web, even if this meant going via a middle woman because the aggrieved sister isn't registered here? How does that conversation even go?

Trills · 28/12/2017 10:43

I can see how it might go:

Friend: Can't believe my sister spent ALL Christmas talking about her engagement.
OP: Yeah, how rude!
Friend: You can see it's rude, why can't she see it's rude?
OP: I bet most people would think it was rude.... (goes off to make thread)

Starting a thread is not difficult or time-consuming. It's very easy and quick. So you don't need a big reason to start one.

PoorYorick · 28/12/2017 10:46

Well, the OP implies in the last line that her friend knew she was planning on starting the thread and she's since said that the friend is reading it. So I'm assuming there was a conversation between them in advance in which they both agreed on it.

I don't know how I'd broach this subject with someone. "Hey, shall I start a thread on Mumsnet to see what the world and his wife thinks about your sister's engagement?" "Oh, can you use your Mumsnet account to ask everyone on the internet about my sister's engagement?"

I don't know, either of those just sounds....weird.

Trills · 28/12/2017 10:51

Friend: Can't believe my sister spent ALL Christmas talking about her engagement.
OP: Yeah, how rude!
Friend: You can see it's rude, why can't she see it's rude?
OP: I'm gonna start a thread and we'll see that everyone agrees with us, and she's the one who's weird for not realising that it's rude
Friend: OK

PoorYorick · 28/12/2017 10:55

That conversation sounds nuts to me.

InspMorse · 28/12/2017 10:57

Yorick
In all honesty, neither of us could decide whether or not she was BU. She felt the way she did and I empathised.

I said I'd put it up for debate/ discussion on here. Most people (including my friend & I) can see that there are two sides of a story and it's interesting to hear how other people react/feel in a similar situations.

You keep referring to a 'bitchfest' but I wonder if you can quote anything I've said that proves that this ever took place between us?

Genuine question - Have you been in this situation yourself?

OP posts:
InspMorse · 28/12/2017 11:04

Can you highlight OP posts Yorick so you can read them in order? Your questions have already been answered.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 28/12/2017 11:05

In all honesty, neither of us could decide whether or not she was BU

Eh, forgive me but in your OP and subsequent posts you seem to have a very clear opinion.

I said I'd put it up for debate/ discussion on here. Most people (including my friend & I) can see that there are two sides of a story and it's interesting to hear how other people react/feel in a similar situations.

Ah, I see. It was a purely intellectual exercise in empathy.

You keep referring to a 'bitchfest' but I wonder if you can quote anything I've said that proves that this ever took place between us?

I'm kind of assuming the conversation between you didn't go:

"My sister got engaged, she told us on Christmas Day!"

"Oh that's wonderful, how exciting, give her my love! What a lovely Christmas surprise!"

"Yeah, we're all so delighted for her, I'm so glad she told us when we were all together."

"You would be. But you know, shall I start a Mumsnet thread to see if anyone else might think it was rude? Purely because I know that that there are two sides of a story and it's interesting to hear how other people react/feel in similar situations?"

"Yes, that's a good idea!"

It's wild speculation, of course.

Genuine question - Have you been in this situation yourself?

I knew this was coming. After the 'you sound angry' drone, there's always 'I must have hit a nerve' and then 'tell me all about your life because I just can't accept that you think this thread is spiteful in its own right'.

I won't deny I'm actually kind of itching to answer that silly question, but it's not relevant and not worthy of a response. You will just have to wonder. At least I am leaving it open for you to believe my response is all because of my inner turmoil and not because this thread is just horrid.

RoseWhiteTips · 28/12/2017 11:10

YANBU

It does certainly ensure two individuals are the centre of attention for the entire day and the usual focus is lost. A bit moi moi moi...

InspMorse · 28/12/2017 11:11

Read the OP again Yorick
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely

OP posts:
InspMorse · 28/12/2017 11:14

You will just have to wonder

That's going to keep me up all night... or maybe not!

OP posts:
harrietm87 · 28/12/2017 11:30

OP, has your friend said whether it was the engaged couple that made the whole day about them (apparently), or whether it was a joint effort because all the family were excited (apart from friend)? Because that's really quite relevant.

PoorYorick · 28/12/2017 11:34

You asked me a question, it's really not my fault if you don't care about the answer.

Yes, I read that line but if I had a pound for every time an AIBU starts off with 'I'm prepared to hear I'm wrong...", I'd be even richer than if I got it for every time I heard, "You sound angry, Yorick..."

I'm sorry to disappoint, but while I certainly have traumatic hot button issues, this isn't one of them. I just think this is a really nasty thread, for someone who isn't even on here.

InspMorse · 28/12/2017 11:35

25/12/2017 22:45 InspMorse
Anchor: Friend's parents were in a frenzy of excitement too so it wasn't just the happy couple talking of nothing else.
I suppose you can't change the subject when the majority only have one interest all day!

OP posts:
InspMorse · 28/12/2017 11:35

You asked me a question, it's really not my fault if you don't care about the answer.
Non-answer

OP posts:
InspMorse · 28/12/2017 11:41

Ok Yorick!
You've said the same thing many different ways over several days.
It's nasty, it's a bitchfest... 'if I had a pound...'

I get it! You think WABU and bitchy!

WE'VE HEARD YOU!!!
But honestly, you really don't need to say it every day until the end of time .

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 28/12/2017 12:35

Why not? This is a free site.

InspMorse · 28/12/2017 14:16

RoseWhiteTips
True! You are correct!
If Yorick wants to repeat herself Ad infinitum, that is her right!

OP posts:
Lweji · 28/12/2017 15:15

Read the OP again Yorick
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely

It really doesn't read as you had doubts, or her, for that matter.

After the entire thread, does she still think the problem was with her sister?

And I quote
"Are we BU to think that combining family celebrations/ Christmas with personal announcements are a PITA? A bit like announcing one's own engagement at someone else's B'day party?"

This places the full fault with the sister, or the announcement itself. Not the family.

It would be different if you had asked about the entire family becoming so engrossed with the news that they could talk of nothing else.

It still reads like the friend didn't like that the family didn't focus on her as usually when she goes there and was focused on the sister instead.
If the friend was so interested in the family and catching up, she could easily have asked them about their own lives and expand from there.

PoorYorick · 28/12/2017 21:45

One last thing. It's been....emotional.

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