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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To agree that engagement announcements on Christmas day are irritating

171 replies

InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:05

Friend has just phoned. I agreed to post this on here for her to see what the general consensus is.

She has been with extended family all day. She had been looking forward to catching up with Mum/Dad family and celebrating Christmas with them as they she lives a good distance away from home.
Sister was there with boyfriend (they live near parents) and announced as soon as they arrived at the Mum & Dad's that boyfriend had proposed/ they had got engaged this morning. Apparently the WHOLE day has been about them. Non stop wedding talk.
Are we BU to think that combining family celebrations/ Christmas with personal announcements are a PITA? A bit like announcing one's own engagement at someone else's B'day party?
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely.

OP posts:

Lweji · 26/12/2017 23:10

Poor OP’s friend. My thoughts are with her at this difficult time. :-(

Original poster

InspMorse · 26/12/2017 23:17

I heard Yorick announced her engagement on Christmas day by riding into her parents street on a reindeer-driven sleigh wearing a wedding dress shouting 'LOOK AT ME!!!'

I think Yorick is my friend's sister...

OP posts:

Weebo · 26/12/2017 23:22

Nah - Yorick made her sister sit outside near the bins so she didn't steal any attention away from her announcement.

Did that happen to your poor mate?

Elsouth · 26/12/2017 23:23

DH proposed to me on Xmas day. It was exciting but I don't think we made the day about us. To be fair I'm a bit slow on the uptake don't think it even hit me we were engaged until the wedding day. But it was the first wedding in our family for a while so everyone was excited for us and asked lots of questions. Then we had dinner and the topic changed.

PoorYorick · 26/12/2017 23:32

Again, the 'you're angry' thing. It gets boring. Why can't you accept that I simply do not like online bitchfests, especially when the OP is five Kevin Bacon steps removed from the person in question? Why must it be some personal failing of mine, or that you must have struck into the heart of some terrible secret of mine?

Why can't you believe that I just find threads like this really spiteful and mean spirited, and that since you asked me what I think, I might decide to tell you? You've started an online bitchfest about an event you didn't even witness and that's fine, I give you my opinion when you ask and that's not?

You've come on here asking for opinions, well that's mine.

KenForPM · 27/12/2017 02:29

PoorYorick whilst I agree with your sentiments, some people love to wind others up. You’re rising to their bait, and they’re LOVING it. Best to step away.

MaisyPops · 27/12/2017 08:11

We don't know who kept the wedding conversation going.
Anyone who allows the conversation to be all about them for hours is just loving the attention in my opinion.

It's really not difficult to ask other people what is going on in their lives or discuss something else.

E.g. Group of friends went for coffee to meet friend's new baby. Yes there was quite a bit of baby chat but it wasn't the 'everyone discuss the baby' show for a few hours.
DH and I are renovating a house in the new year. It's what a lot of people wanted to talk about so it featured more than we'd have liked. We still managed to discuss BIL's recent house purchase, SIL's recent city break, chat with grandparents and in laws. It's just part of not being a dick in my opinion.
How hard is it to say 'oh enough about me, i hear you're of to...' or if discussing honeymoons to sway it a little broader than 'lets talk about where we are going'.

PoorYorick · 27/12/2017 08:17

Clumsy, Ken.

Lweji · 27/12/2017 08:19

Anyone who allows the conversation to be all about them for hours is just loving the attention in my opinion.

DH and I are renovating a house in the new year. It's what a lot of people wanted to talk about so it featured more than we'd have liked

See, sometimes conversations keep going back to one topic regardless.
We only have a third party report that it was all about the wedding.
We don't know who kept it going, nor if it was that much. For all we know, the OP's friend wasn't happy that she wasn't the focus of attention and there was simply more wedding talk than she'd have liked.

MaisyPops · 27/12/2017 08:27

Lweji
So it depends whether the engaged couple were making an effort to branch out and ask others or not (which we can't decide from 3rd party info).

If it was quite a bit of wedding chat but broken up with other topics, friends asking about other people etc then it's fair enough.

If the engaged people were quite happy to go on about weddings in a right so, what does everyone think about artificial peonies when they are out if season? for hours then they've been quite attention loving and rude

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/12/2017 08:39

Yanbu. It’s tacky and thoughtless.
Same with Christmas Day pregnancy announcements. my (now ex) brother in law and his wife did a massive pregnancy announcement on Christmas Day, which resulted in other sister in law (who was struggling to get pregnant) spending the rest of the day in tears.

It’s crass to hijack Christmas Day like this.
But the family in OPs story were thoughtless too, for droning on about it all day.

haveacupofteaandamincepie · 27/12/2017 09:22

Why is she not interested in her sisters wedding? If my sister got engaged and wanted to talk weddings all day I would be delighted to

harrietm87 · 27/12/2017 16:49

nevertwerk did they know that other SIL was ttc? If yes, then I agree that sounds inconsiderate and they should have done it in a more low key way - ideally by letting her know in advance. If no, then it's not really their fault and the reason it was upsetting for the SIL isn't because it was Christmas - she'd have been upset on whatever day she heard it.

Christmas is a day for getting together with family, often when they haven't seen each other for a while. It's not a day that is "about" anyone in particular, so I truly don't understand why it wouldn't be a good time to share news about big life changes with your family, or what on Earth is tacky about doing so. Even if the couple had got engaged/pregnant and announced it months before, it's likely to have come up in conversation on the day anyway.

The issue really is that the whole group apart from the friend apparently (and this is potentially an exaggeration) discussed it all day. If everyone else was enjoying the chat then it sounds like she was just bitter/jealous not to get more attention. Either she or anyone else could presumably have changed the subject if they wanted to.

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/12/2017 17:01

@harrietm87 yes they were well aware. She was also grieving for her father. It was monstrously insensitive but I think generally it is just a bit narcissistic to make a day like Christmas Day the day you announce big news like this. There’s no need for it.

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/12/2017 17:03

But yes, your are right, it is also ill- mannered and frankly very dull to discuss any particular topic all day long. I remember being bored out of my mind one Christmas because all anyone would discuss was SIL wedding that was some 8 months away. I don’t get the whole bridezilla thing though. I took about 5 mins to pick my flowers and about 30 mins to choose my dress!

Headofthehive55 · 27/12/2017 20:11

I'm with yorick on this.

Headofthehive55 · 27/12/2017 20:16

Wedding chatter is a lot better than listening to some if the topics of conversation I've been party to lately!
I heard more about bowel issues, digestive problems, and sore throats than the average G.P on a winter Monday morning.

Weddings you say? Bring it on!

Eatalot · 28/12/2017 00:19

Your friend sounds like a right bitch. Not only jealous of the news phones a friend for a bitchy moan and then asks you to post it as deep down knows sibu. Bet you slagged off the ring too. Eugh.

alletik · 28/12/2017 03:02

So far, 52 posts say it's okay,

14 say it's not.

13 say it's okay but annoying / wrong to talk about it all day.

Although it's late and my adding up could be a little dodgy.

I'd say that's a resounding YABU...

Tell your friend to get some Xmas cheer OP.

Original poster

InspMorse · 28/12/2017 04:46

alletick
A brilliant statistician! Thank you!

OP posts:

TunaSushi · 28/12/2017 04:55

Boxing day would be better.

Anyway two people are in love, happy times.

Lweji · 28/12/2017 09:25

The question is:
Have you shown your friend this thread?
Or is there no need?

Original poster

InspMorse · 28/12/2017 09:49

The question is: Have you shown your friend this thread? Or is there no need?
Not sure what you mean?
She's read it herself! She doesn't need to be logged in to an account to read the thread.

OP posts:

Lweji · 28/12/2017 10:10

What did she say?

Lweji · 28/12/2017 10:12

Surely she'd be able to clarify who was mainly at fault for keeping the conversation going.
No thoughts on the comments made about her?

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