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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To agree that engagement announcements on Christmas day are irritating

171 replies

InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:05

Friend has just phoned. I agreed to post this on here for her to see what the general consensus is.

She has been with extended family all day. She had been looking forward to catching up with Mum/Dad family and celebrating Christmas with them as they she lives a good distance away from home.
Sister was there with boyfriend (they live near parents) and announced as soon as they arrived at the Mum & Dad's that boyfriend had proposed/ they had got engaged this morning. Apparently the WHOLE day has been about them. Non stop wedding talk.
Are we BU to think that combining family celebrations/ Christmas with personal announcements are a PITA? A bit like announcing one's own engagement at someone else's B'day party?
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely.

OP posts:
UnreasonablyPissedOff · 26/12/2017 15:41

This sounds like something my sister would do!
And I agree it is bloody irritating!
My sister also manages to make it all about her ALL the time...

XiCi · 26/12/2017 15:55

I've always assumed that birthday and Christmas proposals are something just really tight people do. You would have to buy a ring anyway so presenting this as a birthday or Christmas present is taking miserliness to a new level

harrietm87 · 26/12/2017 16:01

Presumably the sister didn't know he was going to propose on that day though (assuming her OH proposed to her)? So it's not really her fault either. Surely your friend wouldn't have expected her to either defer accepting it or keep it a secret until later?

If your friends parents and other family members hadn't joined in talking about it, it wouldn't have been an issue either, so I think SIBU to blame the engaged couple solely. Sounds like your friend was jealous.

Also struggling to see why a Christmas engagement is tacky in itself. If the proposer buys the proposee a Christmas present as well as the ring does that make it better?! What if all the family live close and see each other regularly, so there's not loads of news to catch up on, does that make it more acceptable?!

CPtart · 26/12/2017 16:07

Like someone said, it's a common time to get engaged, which is why I would avoid it like the plague. Boring and unoriginal. An engagement should be special and unique in its own right.
DH cousin and his gf got 'engaged' at our wedding 16 years ago....still not married. Farcical.

takemycounty · 26/12/2017 16:15

Getting engaged at someone else's wedding is just awfully bad mannered.
I'd be more forgiving of a Christmas morning proposal but can see that wedding talk all day would be tedious.

alletik · 26/12/2017 16:37

It's a common time to get engaged, so I'd say the sister is being pretty mean spirited to complain. It's a one off event, big news, I'd be happy for my sister and would enjoy partaking in the planning discussion.

Buxtonstill · 26/12/2017 16:51

Your friend sounds a bit of a misery guts tbh. Is she single? Jealous? Maybe she could make the time to visit her parents for a weekend or when she has a couple of days off. She really needed to ask someone else to post on MN? If I were you, I would have told her to do it herself. It is a great joy to see your child getting married. no wonder the parents were excited. They have waited for this moment since she was a little girl, but misery sibling wanted to have a little sulk. Nice.

Original poster
InspMorse · 26/12/2017 17:08

She really needed to ask someone else to post on MN? If I were you, I would have told her to do it herself.

Not everyone wants a MN account!

Jealous?

Of her sister and fiancé's relationship? I can say categorically NOT! Grin Grin

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 26/12/2017 17:38

ruby letting people know that you’re the latest in a million-long linenifncouples tonhave nonidea what to give each other for Christmas isn’t an issue. Taking over the entire day talking about shit that probably won’t happen for at least a year, and that for the most part nobody cares about is just damn rude and dull.

Wedding prep is only interesting to people who want a wedding. The fact the dull couple spent an entire day railroading conversation around their plans makes me sad for their family as it seems like they’re now looking down the barrel of months of spectacularly shit conversations until the wedding is out of the way.

harrietm87 · 26/12/2017 17:39

She was obviously jealous of all the attention on her sister though. Otherwise what's the issue?

harrietm87 · 26/12/2017 17:41

incywincy maybe the convo was driven by the parents? Not necessarily the couple.

When we told the PILs I was pregnant (not on a special occasion) they talked about it for the whole evening and kept coming back to it even when we changed the subject, even though the baby wasn't due for another 6 months. They were excited. My BIL and SIL were also there - maybe they were secretly resenting us, who knows?!

rubybleu · 26/12/2017 18:28

incy as I said, normal healthy families tend to care deeply about milestones in their relative's lives, be it a baby, promotion, acceptance to uni or god forbid, deciding to get married.

ItsChristmoose · 26/12/2017 19:28

You'd have to have a chip on your shoulder not to be delighted for anyone, let alone your sister, getting engaged. I feel sorry for all the people who agree it's crap to focus on something wonderful like an engagement at Christmas.

PoorYorick · 26/12/2017 19:45

Not everyone wants a MN account!

So she doesn't care enough to create an account, but still wanted you to start the bitchfest? Or did you just want to do that yourself?

Either way, I think ItsChristmoos has nailed it - if you've got a problem with your own sister announcing her engagement at Christmas, the problem is all with you.

MiaowTheCat · 26/12/2017 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
InspMorse · 26/12/2017 20:02

So she doesn't care enough to create an account, but still wanted you to start the bitchfest? Or did you just want to do that yourself?

Oh dear! Grin

OP posts:
user1471443504 · 26/12/2017 20:04

Well I got engaged on Christmas day. It was a surprise to me but my parents knew in advance.

My family were very happy for me but then we didn't spend the whole day discussing it. My sister wanted to know if we had started to think of dates etc but we also had our usual happy family Christmas.

user1471443504 · 26/12/2017 20:05

And I don't mean yesterday! Years ago! Grin

Lweji · 26/12/2017 20:11

You'd have to have a chip on your shoulder not to be delighted for anyone, let alone your sister, getting engaged.

I don't see the problem.

Christmas in general is already boring. Once we are past the presents and the children are entertained, the time is mostly occupied chit chatting or having arguments.
Planning a wedding is much more exciting. It looks like your "friend" doesn't care much about her sister or her wedding.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 26/12/2017 20:37

ruby are your family incapable of caring about something without wasting an entire day talking about one rather boring topic?

Engaged? Cool, congrats, let us know when and we’ll turn up and party if you want us to. If you need some help, holler closer to the time.

How can that take a day?

Seriously, people who blether on about weddings/babies/new houses 24/7 are just dull.

Life is varied, and a milestone is great, but it’s something to chat about for a bit then move the fuck on and let everyone get a word in edgewise.

harrietm87 · 26/12/2017 20:46

Well yeah incy that does sound boring, but it's not necessarily the couple's fault is it? Depends on who was actually doing the talking. The OP suggests they shouldn't have got engaged at Christmas, or they shouldn't have told their families - the question is whether personal announcements at Christmas is acceptable.

IMO there's a huge difference between Christmas and another occasion that is personal to someone else - like a wedding or birthday - as that does feel like an attempt to steal the thunder of the couple/birthday boy/girl, but Christmas with family isn't about anyone in particular and an engagement is big family news (for most people). In this case surely the friend could have changed the subject without seeming rude, or could have just joined in without resenting it. I know I would be so excited for my sister if she got engaged.

elliejjtiny · 26/12/2017 20:51

Announcements of engagements, babies etc at Christmas is fine, but at other people's weddings or birthdays it's a bit rude. Hogging the conversation about your own news is rude on any day

MargaretCavendish · 26/12/2017 21:14

Like someone said, it's a common time to get engaged, which is why I would avoid it like the plague. Boring and unoriginal. An engagement should be special and unique in its own right.

How on earth can the date of an engagement be special and unique?! 'Dave and Lauren got engaged on 17 April' 'Ooh, such an original date, so special!'

BetterEatCheese · 26/12/2017 21:20

Dp proposed to me on Christmas Day - I announced it as it was news and I saw no reason not to. I hope nobody was annoyed but don't care if they were

WhatWot · 26/12/2017 21:34

@BetterEatCheese, if you go by some Mumsnetters' rule, you should have kept quiet and never ever talk about yourself. Talk about Zoflora or some cheeky fuckers, that's more acceptable.

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