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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To agree that engagement announcements on Christmas day are irritating

171 replies

InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:05

Friend has just phoned. I agreed to post this on here for her to see what the general consensus is.

She has been with extended family all day. She had been looking forward to catching up with Mum/Dad family and celebrating Christmas with them as they she lives a good distance away from home.
Sister was there with boyfriend (they live near parents) and announced as soon as they arrived at the Mum & Dad's that boyfriend had proposed/ they had got engaged this morning. Apparently the WHOLE day has been about them. Non stop wedding talk.
Are we BU to think that combining family celebrations/ Christmas with personal announcements are a PITA? A bit like announcing one's own engagement at someone else's B'day party?
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely.

OP posts:
ermagerdsnur · 25/12/2017 22:21

It's more the hogging of the day than the announcement.

I was proposed to on Christmas Day (many moons ago!) we didn't make an "announcement" as such but wth was I supposed to say to PILs when we arrived at theirs for Christmas dinner and they asked what I got for Christmas Confused

We didn't hog the day though, there was no wedding talk at all - that's just plain rude.

So YABU about them telling you but YANBU about them banging on about it ALL DAY yawn

YuleBeSorryInTheMorning · 25/12/2017 22:21

I got engaged Christmas morning. It was nice to share with family asap in person. We did not spend the whole day talking abut weddings. I don't think we spent more than 10 minutes discussing it tbh, basically just congrats, have you set a date, not yet, probably next year. New topic. I have no desire to hog the conversation for an entire day to talk weddings. The day I got engaged doesn't affect that.

Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:24

I was joking about Boxing Day! Grin
I just think, choose one of the other 364 days (minus other people's B'days, anniversaries etc).

OP posts:
Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:25

Yes, it was the day hogging that upset my friend, not the engagement!

OP posts:
HappyAndRelaxed · 25/12/2017 22:28

SIBU. It's an exciting for her DSIS. It's one Christmas. She should be happy for her instead of being spiteful and moany.

Weezol · 25/12/2017 22:31

While I think the engagement is lovely, I would find the day hogging irritating - it's not as if they only have a week to plan the wedding. Surely they must have been talked out by turkey time? Confused

Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:31

She's not the type to be siteful or moany. She sucked it up & joined in by all accounts. She's disappointed that the whole day became an engagement party - she was looking forward to time with her parents as she lives quite far away and has to go back to work tomorrow night.
She has only moaned to me.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 25/12/2017 22:32

What would Jesus think?

Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:35

I'm sure Jesus would be pleased for them but disappointed in them for courting attention ALL f'ing day! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Farfromtheusual · 25/12/2017 22:40

It's tacky and attention-seeking.

THIS.

BIL and his DP got engaged today and it's just truly embarrassing because BIL is constantly trying to make our lives a competition. He is bitter and jealous of DP and think he is the 'Golden son'. DP and I got engaged earlier this year so he's clearly only done it to one up us (not that we care at all and they will never ever end up getting married). They don't even seem to like each other so everyone is a bit Hmmanyway. BIL only did it for the attention to be on him because he can't bare it not to be and knew all the attention would be like on our DS.

I realise I sound really up myself thinking someone is sooo jealous of us and only doing something to one up us, but seriously, it's true.

Regardless of the above, I still find it tacky and cringeworthy.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 25/12/2017 22:41

Why didn't she just start talking about other things?

I can't imagine a scenario where a proposal meant an engagement needed to be talked about all day and nobody could change the conversation; even if the proposal was bought up again every now and again.

Especially if friend has news she wanted to share too. Is she just upset that her sisters news was more "newsworthy"?

Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:45

Anchor Friend's parents were in a frenzy of excitement too so it wasn't just the happy couple talking of nothing else.
I suppose you can't change the subject when the majority only have one interest all day!

OP posts:
Weebo · 25/12/2017 22:50

Nah, unless there is a back story then she's just being joyless.

When DH proposed I told my family right away.

Most people would be thrilled for their sibling and happy to join in with the excitement.

walkingtheplank · 25/12/2017 22:51

I recall the Christmas that my sister did this at the start of a very long Christmas Day centred on them, followed by 18 months of planning. It's all the family spoke about.
Sister now acrimoniously divorced. That's all we talk about now.

Weezol · 25/12/2017 22:51

I would suggest to your friend that living away could be a good escape when the wedding planning starts. I am in no way doubting the talk went on all day, I'm just mind boggled by them being able to do one subject for so long! It would give me Resting Bitch face.

Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 22:56

Grin Walking

Weezol
I think the whole wedding was planned over Christmas dinner! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
InspMorse · 25/12/2017 23:04

My friend is reading this but isn't on MN! She has just sent me a message - she's escaped to bed but has to leave in the morning for a night shift tomorrow night. Sister & fiancé have gone home so she will have an hour with her parents 1:1 (2?!) tomorrow morning. Smile I know she misses them - her sister & fiancé live very close by to her parents so I'm sure they will have plenty of time to carry on where they left off soon.

OP posts:
ElizabethG81 · 25/12/2017 23:07

It's just dull and lacking in imagination, like a Valentine's Day proposal.

Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2017 23:09

"Are we BU to think that combining family celebrations/ Christmas with personal announcements are a PITA? A bit like announcing one's own engagement at someone else's B'day party?
Friend is prepared to hear that SIBU but I get her point entirely."

YABU. It's a great time to announce good news. Presumably your friend has email and a phone and could chat and talk to her family at any time.

It's not the same as announcing an engagement at a wedding or at another engagement party.

One would hopefully imagine that at Christmas, among family, one would be with people who would be happy for your happy news.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 25/12/2017 23:11

Christmas proposals are the last resort of the person who has fuck all idea what to buy for their partner. Dull, tedious, predictable, and pointless.

It was tacky as all hell for an entire family to spend an entire family day talking about two people. I’d have been tempted to go to bed with a book after a polite half hour of conversation.

TheNaze73 · 25/12/2017 23:12

It's just dull and lacking in imagination, like a Valentine's Day proposal

Spot on, it’s such a cliché

Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2017 23:14

"I just think, choose one of the other 364 days (minus other people's B'days, anniversaries etc)."

Presumably one person proposed so that is the person your friend should be angry at. If that was not her sister, then it is not her sister's fault.

"I think the whole wedding was planned over Christmas dinner!"

So your friend would rather have not been there for all that? Would rather all that happened when she was not around?

I think it would be annoying if it took the whole day but that means either the parents would not talk about anything else, at all, all day or your friend did not try and bring up any other topic of conversation.

So slightly annoying for it to take up every conversations all day, yes, but not unreasonable to announce on Christmas day.

PortlyWino · 25/12/2017 23:15

Christmas is an excellent time to impart happy news like an engagement, or new baby as long as it doesn't takeover the food or,present opening part. Then again, some people take the piss and some others will take offence whenever such an announcement is made,

ermagerdsnur · 25/12/2017 23:16

My DH had technically proposed months earlier, took me shopping for a ring and had it put aside in the jewellers and was going in each month to pay it off (we were very young at the time and it was a lot of money!) so I wasn't expecting it for a long while.

Close to Christmas he went in and paid it all off and surprised me with it on Christmas Day.

I don't see that as dull and unimaginative at all Confused

PortlyWino · 25/12/2017 23:16

Someone else's birthday or other personal celebrations not on though.