To think it’s time to break up with OH?

[Indigo911]

Been with OH a year. We don’t live together and are both early 30s. No kids.
There have also been a lot of red flags throughout our relationship and I think I’m finally done.
Some examples - he has split up with me multiple times and is often very hot and cold. He admitted one of the reasons he kept getting cold feet was because I’m overweight (I’m a size 12-14 and I’m tall so I only look very slightly overweight). He seems to have a real issue with anyone overweight and makes horrible remarks about people on tv etc.
I had a brain MRI last week because of possible MS and he took me to the appointment. I was clearly incredibly anxious beforehand and he didn’t try and comfort me at all or offer any sort of support/sympathy.
Afterwards we were meant to go out for lunch and to the cinema as something nice for me to get my mind off things. He decided he was too tired and just wanted to lie in bed at mine all day and watch TV in a foul mood.
Today on Xmas day I’ve had two brief texts from him all day even though I know he’s just sitting at his dad’s doing nothing. He got me a crap gift too with no thought put into it.
Reading this back I have no idea why I’ve been putting up with it all. I always thought I was a strong, independent person who never put up with any shit. My self esteem has taken a real knock and I guess I’m at that age where I want to settle down so maybe I’m clinging onto the ‘what ifs’ and hope I can change him.
We are due to spend New Years together and I’m going to tell him I don’t want to. Enough is enough

He won’t kill himself. Unoriginal bollocks. An ex of mine said that - he had a new girlfriend within a week

Oh my God, that’s terrible. So he can’t trear you respectfully but if you try to escape he’ll threaten suicide? Please don’t let this man blackmail you. Stay strong today. Are you still planning on ending things? I truly hope so.

Treat* you respectfully I mean.

He sounds awful OP.

Good luck with today.

emotional blackmail. Pretty nasty

Call his bluff. Tell his parents/friends etc to keep an eye on him. He won't want that.

He sounds all in a real piece of work. I'm so glad you can see that. Take care

OP your health, your self esteem, your life is just as important as his. In fact, it's more important to you because it is yours.

He threatened suicide to control you. Don't accept that again. Rid yourself of this horrible person and feel free.

You are not responsible for him in any way. You are not responsible for his actions, you are not responsible for his moods.

Dump him today in as calm a manner as possible. Tell him today (in writing & save it) that you don't want him to contact you any more. Block him on social media. If he tries to contact you again report him for harassment.

You owe this person NOTHING.
You owe yourself a clean break and freedom to make 2018 awesome.

Unmumsnetty hugs

He's an abusive prick Indigo.

If he threatens to kill himself call his family or the police. This is not your responsibility.

Good luck today. Could you change the plan to bring the stuff to his so you can leave once it's done? Or even better meet him somewhere neutral? Last thing you need is him refusing by leave.

Urgh emotional blackmail to keep you in the relationship until he is ready to dump you.
I also had threats of suicide when I ended a relationship. apparently shagging anything that moved cured him quickly!
If he’s genuinely suicidal - that is sad but still not your responsibility to put your own happiness on hold

I've recently started working with a lot t of younger women . Slot of them are in shit relationships . I cant believe be the shit they poke up with their be honest . I've been married 18 years and we look out for each other . Care and love each other and treat each with respect . I'm not sure if it's because they didn't have great role models but definitely bin him. He sounds like a twat!!

It’s emotional blackmail. He wants someone to control & he will say whatever it takes to try to make you stay with him. This time he’ll probably threaten that whilst telling you he was planning on proposing in NYE. It’s ALL bullshit. If he threatens to kill himself, simply tell him that’s his decision & nothing to do with you. You just have to ignore the puppy dog eyes or anger.

He’s a nasty, manipulative bastard. This is YOUR decision, own it and stick to it.

My ex used to pull the suicide card all the time, when I finally finished it he faked a overdose (drove off saying he had pills with him), I called the police and let them deal with it. He’s just manipulating you. Dump him, he sounds like he doesn’t care about you at all. I couldn’t stay with anyone who called me ‘overweight’, I bet he’s not perfect himself?

Get rid. He is not worthy of you. Ignore the going to kill himself bullshit.

As others have said he’s trying to control you be threatening suicide. You don’t even live together and have only been going our a year, he’s being pathetic and ridiculous and it is even more reason to get rid of him.
The first year of a relationship should still be wonderful. This relationship isn’t, and just imagine what it will be like in 5 years time?!

Get out ASAP.

Definitely still going to end it.
Can’t go to his with the boxes as I don’t drive and there is quite a lot of stuff to take over. At least 12 heavy boxes.
He’s definitely not perfect himself - he’s very facially good looking (looks like the absolute double of Freddie Prinze Jnr) but he’s very skinny and has bad breath all the time. He was telling me how his last girlfriend put on weight when he was with her and he lost interest. I’ve looked at her Facebook and she looks really sad in a lot of her pics. I bet he wore her self esteem down to nothing too

Oh boy, bad breath all the time! He sounds vile OP. So glad you’re still
going to get rid.

He was saying he’d kill himself

This is him abusing you.
Imagine being married to him, financially linked to him with a property or having kids and being trapped with someone who not only makes manipulative threats but who will constantly tell you that you (and your child) aren’t good enough for him.

I wouldn’t do it face or via the phone. I’d simply text “This doesn’t work for me, I would go into details about how I feel but you will just dismiss them or manipulate me. I am so much better than this relationship.
Please don’t contact me. Your stuff will be outside my house on Dec 28th from noon.”

I wouldn’t engage with him at all. He’s a cunt.

Don't take him into 2018.

You said yourself when writing it out, it's all there in black and white.

Any decent human would know after a scary hospital trip that they put a pin in any of their issues and just make the day about you. Out with the old!

Dump him.. you'll feel so much better for it...
I went out with a fella like that for over a year.. we could only do what he wanted when and where he wanted and always so critical of me and how I looked... the final straw came when I was supposed to travel to meet him on a Monday and I had an accident on the Sunday so obviously with my injuries I couldn't travel to see him.. his reaction: I text him from a&e as he would never answer a call from me and it took him 4 he's to text back saying he was sorry I had the accident then asked about tomorrow.. I said obv with a gushing head wound and decked up back among other injuries I wouldn't be able to make it.. he got off told me to text him when I was home and then didn't hear from him for 3days.... dumped his sorry arse soon after....
We also went away for my bday one time and all he wanted to do was sit in the room and watch movies for the weekend..

@lonely he sounds just like my OH. Everything is always on his terms. I love going to the cinema, for example, but if he’s tired then we don’t go even if he knows I’ve been excited all day about it. He just wants to lie in bed at mine and watch movies

OMG he sounds horrible OP! Please dump him. He won't commit suicide - it's just another controlling weapon in his arsenal. I'm glad you've finally seen the light. I would dump him now. Don't wait.

@Indigo911 we deserve so much more than that.. we deserve someone who cherishes is...
I felt that he was ashamed of me and didn't want to be seen out with me.. all he ever wanted to do was go to the cinema... somewhere where we wouldn't be seen..if I expressed an opinion and it differed from his then he wouldn't speak to me for days.. got great enjoyment out if dumping his arse by text.. tried in person a few times but he changed the subject...
Keep us informed as to how it goes but you are making the right decision.. you deserve so much better than that..

OP, the more you say, the worse he sounds. Be strong, walk away and work on your self esteem. You do deserve better than this, and you know that

Many people put up with poor treatment, thinking that having a partner, on any terms, is better than being single. Hang around here for a while and you'll see what could lie ahead for you if you stay with this man

Fuck that OP. Bin! The relief will be incredible!

I also thought i was pregnant a couple of months ago as my period was a few days late and it’s never late (it eventually came and I’m def not pregnant). I told him and his reaction was awful. He looked genuinely horrified and was saying i’d Need to have an abortion as it isn’t the right time for either of us. When he found out I wasn’t pregnant he was like “phew - that’s literally my worst nightmare right now”.
He’ll be over to mine this afternoon so i’ll be telling him then. He knows I’m pissed off as I sent him a very grumpy reply to his text this morning which is unlike me. I just feel so tired and drained. Want to totally chill out by myself for a few days

You're worth so much more than this arse...

The good news is you're not in too deep to dump him!

Also he's giving you a very clear message.. About what he's like (a shit), and what your future will be like (abusive).

In 2018, you could find your decent bloke