To be underwhelmed with gifts

[VladimirPouting]

Just that really. I’m not grabby, I just though after 12 yrs DH would’ve got better at presents by now. I’ve bought everything for DS, him, his family, my family, his work secret Santa etc. I am literally the only one to buy for.

Hat, scarf and gloves set
PJ’s that are too small
Fluffy socks (I do ask for them every year!)
Chocolate
Some Jam
A candle (that he found in the cupboard and is regifted to me again)

Please can you share your underwhelming presents and make me feel better?

I ended up with a box set of a series my dad loved

I hated my dad, and he died this year, and it’s been very conflicting.

And books - I don’t read. He knows I have little patience for films and books.

Also I see tv one night a week for an hour.

Gone out for a cig to let this one go over my head

It’s not tit for tat mentality. DHs family doesn’t get cards because he doesn’t feel it is needed. If he does he will buy. Does it make sense? MIL does get a xmas card but it is from the DC. They wanted to make a card for grandma.

@HeadDreamer
I was referring to my own DH. And it is tit for tat. Had I said I'd got him a card, he would have got me one. Had I said I'd got him a proper main present, I would have got one. Possibly!!

I'm not getting any presents because I didn't say what I wanted. So that's nice

Jassmells it’s a selection box of jams. I do like Jam and will eat it. But it’s clearly a panic buy from the gifts but of Debenhams. He only went to one shop!!!

What irks me is that he spent £100s on his XW when they were together. Bought her jewellery, spa breaks etc. Whereas when I get presents it's stuff like frying pans or a new router.

I would not worry to o much about the whole present exchange thing if he is a good husband and father. I don't care so much about cards but I do make an effort as DH always does too. He ask what I want and I ask him too so nobody is dissapointed.

One year I got a come dine with me dvd for Christmas.. yeah so that was the kick I needed to make him my ex

I would not buy presents for his family, secret santa, etc though. I do buy for the kids as I have more time

Dp is good at presents. Sil however- a trio of impulse body sprays.

I haven't opened mine, but am already preparing my Fake Grin for the Bayliss and Harding gift set I came across under DH's side of the bed the other day. I will tell him the truth as soon as the DC are out of earshot. He's generally lovely, just a bit shit at presents. I have already bought my own 40th birthday present for a couple of months' time .

Stop buying him presents. And his family/secret santa.
Just buy for your children and your own family.

He'll get the message soon enough.

Vladimir glad to hear he's gotten better at birthdays! What did you do to make that change?!?

I've got nothing from DH which doesn't bother me because I've got nothing for him. We buy what we want with our joint account anyway so don't see the point.

My heart did skip a beat when he was messing about in his wardrobe looking for something. I thought finally, a present! Turns out he hid a chocolate orange

Just do what I do I future just pick out what you want for Christmas and then you won’t be disappointed in future

I bought my own Christmas present. I asked him if he wanted to wrap it and he just said "why?" Like I was being ridiculous. It's sat on a shelf, I can't bring myself to look at it. I had to remind him yesterday that it would be nice to have a card from our DD, she's 1, he wasn't even going to get me a poxy card, he had to be asked. I've bought him a book by his favourite comedian, an MP3 player and framed a handprint picture that me and DD made. So until I get to my mums in a bit I've had nothing to open on Christmas morning. He can fuck all the way off at them moment. I'm not being grabby, I'm really not, we've been together for 13 years. He's never been good at presents (he's wilfully shit at it tbh and I think it's, at least in part, my doing, so that's something I need to look at) but to not even think about getting me a card from my little girl, that's really hurt me.

That's really sad op. After 12 years he really can't be bothered to buy you something worthwhile. All those things you could buy them yourself and nothing special. I do think he's taken you for granted knowing his gift and so is everyone's will be sorted.

I don't get this writing a specific list for your partner to buy you stuff. Do they not have conversations with you to know what you would like or want.
My dh bought me a very thoughtful (And expensive) gift. About 5 months ago we walked past, went in and tried the stuff and walked out because it was too expensive. He noticed and got me that and more.

Event for the laziest person , there's online shopping. I think people who are not that bothered to make any effort it says alot about how much they value you.

All I got my DH was a comedy Dancing with Jesus book, he seems ok with it but he is requesting a more”personal gift” later, maybe that’s what your DH has planned too?

We haven't bought each other anything this year, but it's the presents off everyone else that have left me thinking fuck them, I'm putting no effort in next year. One of my closest friends knows I hate wine and don't eat chocolate so she's given me a box of chocs and a bottle of prosecco. Bayliss and Harding shite off my mother in law. One of those huge check scarves that could double as a travel blanket from another close friend and it's like nothing she's ever seen me wear in the 30 years that she's known me. Some kind of Aran style fleece lined cowl from my sister. My husband took one look at it, laughed and said that my sister really doesn't know me. Apart from that, the rest is chocolate from people who know that I don't eat it.

It's all about the lack of thought and appreciation isn't It?

We don't do gifts (never have really for Xmas) but we get a beautiful tree and lots of nice food and drink and make it an experience. We buy for the kids of course.

We are both happy with this and that is the main issue? I think if one if is was let down with the gift situation then there is an issue.

Similarly we don't fuss about cards, but we always give lovely cards to the grandparents who do really appreciate a nice, heartfelt card.

That's really sad op. After 12 years he really can't be bothered to buy you something worthwhile. All those things you could buy them yourself and nothing special

Oh...after 37 years my DH got me slippers and I got him a Christmas jumper. Is that worthwhile? Not sure. but anyway we are both more than happy. Got children, foster children and grandson a ton of presents each though.

@VelvetSpoon

That's irksome, indeed. I feel much the same way. DH started with thoughtful presents, then got more 'practical' and now cant be arsed at all by the looks of it.
Its not the money - its the thought, the consideration and it just isn't there. I am probably feeling worse than I normally would because I am unwell and it has been taxing to get stuff done this year, so a little token present wouldn't have come amiss to cheer this grumpy f**@ker* up!

I was underwhelmed with my 30th birthday presents a couple of weeks ago but he has more than made up for it. I got an engagement ring last nights and lots of nice gifts today.

" it's the presents off everyone else that have left me thinking fuck them,"

A lot of people seem to buy stuff for others that they would like, don't they?

I quite like the sound of the check scarf/blanket!

Are cowls an "in thing" atm?

I could imagine my sister buying me a "must have" item.

Except I'd be one of the ones who wouldn't want it!

Tbf, I wouldn't have a clue what to get her-I guess that's why we don't!

I’m not sure why after 12 years you’re surprised. You do everything for him, time to stop.