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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be underwhelmed with gifts

280 replies

VladimirPouting · 25/12/2017 08:11

Just that really. I’m not grabby, I just though after 12 yrs DH would’ve got better at presents by now. I’ve bought everything for DS, him, his family, my family, his work secret Santa etc. I am literally the only one to buy for.

Hat, scarf and gloves set
PJ’s that are too small
Fluffy socks (I do ask for them every year!)
Chocolate
Some Jam
A candle (that he found in the cupboard and is regifted to me again)

Please can you share your underwhelming presents and make me feel better?

OP posts:
Argeles · 27/12/2017 09:12

I got some lovely presents this year, but amongst them was a boxed ‘Morgan’ gift set - as in ‘Morgan de Toi.’ It’s not fucking 1998!!! It contains an umbrella, gloves and a purse, and have the bloody ‘Morgan’ name emblazoned all over them. It is brand new, and looks recently designed, but it’s going straight to charity.

mumof2sarah · 27/12/2017 09:17

I've never received a gift I've been really underwhelmed with tbh, and I've received everything that's on that list you got. I'm always happy to get anything. I have friends that never receive gifts etc and I just think at least I have someone that wraps things up even if it's not the things on a 'wish list'.

I've read so many stories of people not getting anything, not having anyone, Domestic violence stories etc and I just think I'm lucky that's not me so anything is such a bonus in life x

mumof2sarah · 27/12/2017 09:22

** and we don't do Christmas cards. We have a night when we watch a movie and relax with a cup of tea (don't really drink) we say that's much more special than a card ❤️

yorkrose · 27/12/2017 09:52

Have hope. MIL in early years bought me a gift from her boy when she remembered bless her. Then when he did remember I received house hold cleaning gifts, most memorable loo brush! In his defence it was an Alessi. Now 30 years later, although still leaves it an hour before shops close Xmas Eve I receive fabulous gifts. 😊

Jedimum1 · 27/12/2017 12:20

Didn't read it all, about 60%, past the name confusion.

I think you need to "train him to shop" by making him buy or decide on his family's presents and his work secret Santa . That is an opportunity for you to say "oh, no, that would be terrible", "oh, yes, that would be thoughtful", "you should not just buy the first thing you see", "you need to get a card", etc. He will start to see that you put a lot more thought than him
I'm sure he doesn't even realise, he goes to one shop that he thinks has everything (Debenhams) and then goes around trying to see what you would like. It is still thoughtful but not as planned as yours.

I did an Amazon list for my presents four years ago, I add to it anything I like at any point. I think my DH saw it and he got a feeling on what kind of presents I enjoy to be gifted (this list is just for potential gifts, not my whole wish list), so he hasn't looked at it since and I always get some things that I like.

Be clear too (I know you have been, with the camera), so do a list now, send it a week before your birthday so he cannot forget and don't only use the link to share it with people, buy copy, paste and send it by message / WhatsApp so he cannot miss it with spam!

Good luck :D

Jedimum1 · 27/12/2017 12:21

We write cards because we write a few paragraphs on it about what we loved about the year and our hopes for next. So we keep each other's cards in a box

ALittleBitofEverything111 · 27/12/2017 12:22

In September I took the kids to Butlins. DH stayed at home & broke my kitchen bin. He bought me a new one as an early Christmas present. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

Also every year he says oh you buy my family’s presents & I’ll give you the money. Each year I do & he doesn’t.

Motoko · 27/12/2017 12:42

Also every year he says oh you buy my family’s presents & I’ll give you the money. Each year I do & he doesn’t.

Why keep dong it then? Either stop buying them, or get the money off him before you buy them.

manicmij · 27/12/2017 13:06

Don't do gifts for each other usually. Treated ourselves to a new tv as a gift to ourselves. Gave up the adult gifts years ago. Associate gifts at Christmas as Santa Claus time and for children only. Why don't you just abandon the gift habit, especially when you are so disappointed with what you receive. Spend what you would on other adults on yourself instead.

Jedimum1 · 27/12/2017 13:09

My DH does this I'll give you the money. The last few years we agreed a budget and he sends me a transfer through mobile banking there and then. If I go over, it's my own fault because I'm bad at budgeting and get over excited Blush, so it works for me because I love shopping and it help me stick to a budget. I send WhatsApps with pics of presents as I go, so we still have some conversation about the gifts with a) me loving the shopping and b) he avoiding crowds and shops.
We also tend to buy online 80% of everyone's stuff, if not more

MrsStott · 27/12/2017 15:35

A can opener, wtf's that about!!

PutDownThatLaptop · 27/12/2017 16:01

I sent mine an email wish list from a few places, jewellery shops and John Lewis for example; then he just clicks on a few things on the list and job's done. No surprises as such but no disasters either.

curlilox · 27/12/2017 16:06

I got a folded piece of A4 paper with a "card" printed on it in black and white, which he printed after I gave him his card and present.

doup76 · 27/12/2017 16:45

Last year i got a bottle of booze from DP..... this year perfume and candle... I thought that was quite good progress. Xmas Blush
To be honest, the thing that irks me most is that 'I'm soooo difficult to buy for' therefore implying that it's my fault that I don't get more interesting presents.... Xmas Sad

SherbrookeFosterer · 27/12/2017 19:04

(Just adjusting my tin hat.)

As a fully fledged adult, OP, you should have grown out of presents.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 27/12/2017 20:14

I purposely arrange dinner with my parents before xmas. When I go to the bathroom, DM checks that DP has picked up any "I like that" hints correctly (she has been told exactly what I want before hand) and warns DP off anything not approved.

She does this because she sees me put a lot into the presents I give, and to make sure I actually get presents for me; my ex bf gave me a very nice, huge box of truffles for my 18th and then shouted at me- in her hearing- for opening them without him and eating the ones he'd ear-marked.

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 · 27/12/2017 20:20

After years of being underwhelmed with DH gifts, I stopped asking him for "something nice which you know I will love" because apparently that's impossible... and also stopped putting lots of effort into his, and his gifts from our DDs etc. This year he met me at a shopping centre on the 22nd, we both picked our gifts, paid for each others and there you go. Both liked our presents but I wish he knew how much I would like to feel that he put some thought into a gift for me!

bendywindy · 27/12/2017 21:51

why do you buy the presents for his family?

Motoko · 28/12/2017 00:06

Oh look, here come the Adults Shouldn't Want Presents Brigade, looking down their noses and spouting their smug, sanctimonious comments.

If anyone here listens to The Archers, when i read those type of comments, I 'hear' them in Linda Snell's voice.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/12/2017 09:36

It’s not sanctimonious, quite a lot of adults (who but something they need it when they see it) just don’t have any desire for stuff. Some love shopping and getting new things. I hate shopping and don’t feel the need to acquire things. I don’t understand the Facebook photos of a pile of presents, cards, balloons on an adult’s Birthday (normal one, not a 40th etc). I don’t think I’m on my own with feeling like that.

There is no right or wrong but just because some adults genuinely don’t see the need for piles of gifts for themselves doesn’t make it smug. They are allowed to express that they feel that way without being called smug, surely?

notsohippychick · 28/12/2017 10:18

Motoko

I’m hearing it!!!!!!

Oh I love the Archers!!!!

starlight13 · 28/12/2017 10:27

Well said CurlyhairedAssassin. I cringe at the FB photos of 'gifts' received for birthdays too. It's like 'Look everyone, people like me!'. Why oh why?
And cards, what on earth is that all about - such a waste of time and money. A phone call or a catch up with that person is far better and meaningful than cards or gifts. There us so much emphasis put on 'stuff' nowadays that people have lost the way a bit I think.

myusernameisnotmyusername · 28/12/2017 10:37

We wrote a list and said pick from here. I wanted a particular dressing gown so sent him a photo. He bought me some slippers that were a size too small which was a bit annoying since he'd bought me boots in the correct size but I think he was distracted with dd. Anyway it worked out well because I exchanged them for some that had gone in the sale (sold out of the original ones) and there was enough to get pyjamas that were in the sale too! He does sound rubbish though. I'd say get your own presents and leave him to it!

Appleandcinnamon · 28/12/2017 10:49

I got new oil Tank and boiler

Motoko · 28/12/2017 18:21

CurlyhairedAssassin comments like this;
As a fully fledged adult, OP, you should have grown out of presents.
are sanctimonious and smug. I've seen plenty like that on these threads.

There is nothing wrong with not doing presents if you don't want to, but equally, there is nothing wrong with liking presents. A lot of people don't have the money to buy themselves things that they may like, during the year, but birthdays and Christmas are ideal times to be given that bottle of perfume that you couldn't justify spending £50 on, or a better quality pair of boots than you could afford, etc.

I don't like the overconsumption that some people go in for, but I do enjoy having a few nice things to open on Christmas day.

notsohippychick Me too!