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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go? Just discovered I am an unwelcome guest :(

322 replies

greywhitebluepink · 24/12/2017 16:32

My parents died when I was quite young and so I have been used to spending Christmas alone over the years. I am now married and pregnant but my husband works Christmas Day.

So someone at work made a massive fuss about this and I thought she was being nice. I don’t really like going to other people’s homes anyway on Christmas Day as you get in the way a bit and plus I have been very sick in this pregnancy but she was so insistent it would have been rude to say no, and she lives locally and I thought i could do with expanding my support network with being due a baby. So I said thank you and accepted.

So I text before to confirm arrangements and I got a text back not meant for me saying how she (the host) is so stressed at arranging Christmas dinner and then goes on to say something like ‘on top of that some woman I work with is insisting I feed her too.’

I just replied saying don’t think you meant that for me. She’s tried to ring me twice but I don’t want to talk to her.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/12/2017 18:03

Hope you've got some nice vittles in and downloaded some good books. Have a long lie-in, put your feet up and have a good one. Just ignore her. What a cow!

Aeroflotgirl · 24/12/2017 18:03

Don't go, no way under these circumstances. She does not sound very nice at all, she should never have offered and insisted, if it was going to put her out. Just text her, and tell her that you will not be able to come tomorrow. Have a nice Christmas, see you at work.

JaneEyre70 · 24/12/2017 18:03

I think a Christmas day at home with a good box set on TV, nibbly food rather than a proper meal and a good book sounds a perfect day. I hope you enjoy it OP, and stuff your work colleague..... let her fester Grin. You and your DH can make up for tomorrow at New Year.

Greycat11 · 24/12/2017 18:04

I know it's the season of goodwill but please apologise to her, what an absolute cow. I hope she feels absolutely mortified. Hope you find something nice at the Co-op and it looks like you've got some great book recommendations there.

Greycat11 · 24/12/2017 18:05

Thar should say don't apologise! Xmas Blush

expatinscotland · 24/12/2017 18:06

What on Earth does she have to apologise to her about? FFS. She just told her she wasn't going and didn't feel like speaking to her right now, she didn't tell her she's a total cow.

Be3Al2SiO36 · 24/12/2017 18:07

Absolutely fantastic! You are now freed from an insipid day. And freed by the high moral ground.

Christmas stress my arse! The world would be a much better place if people were open, honest and diplomatic. All this play acting to please other people is a recipe for disaster.

chickenowner · 24/12/2017 18:08

What a horrible thing to happen!!

I hope that you have a lovely, lazy day tomorrow, and enjoy your new kindle!! (I love mine) Smile

Bratsandtwats · 24/12/2017 18:09

I know it's the season of goodwill but please apologise to her,

Is this a typo? Apologise for what exactly?!

Bratsandtwats · 24/12/2017 18:10

Ok, sorry seen your update.

greywhitebluepink · 24/12/2017 18:10

Thanks very much! I’ve just messaged her saying that I appreciate she wants to speak to me, but while I bear her no ill will I really don’t have much to say just now and will catch up some time (preferably never) hope she has a good day tomorrow.

Have books to read now so am happy

OP posts:
sisterofmercy · 24/12/2017 18:10

Did you ever enjoy Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising as a kid? A load of twitter posters have got together and are re-reading the book as a group over Christmas because this is when it was set. #TheDarkisReading Artists are also joining in on #TheArtisRising

It might be fun if you want to do a group thing with your Kindle.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 24/12/2017 18:11

I hope you spend your day happy, cosey and comfortable in your home with some good nibbles OP! As for your colleague I hope she burns the turkey & stands on an upturned plug apon awaking.

FurryDogMother · 24/12/2017 18:11

Ha! I would have texted back 'who's the other woman coming from work, then?'

Hope you have a lovely day doing stuff you enjoy, and sod her!

mummmy2017 · 24/12/2017 18:11

Why don't you spend Christmas day planning Push back christmas ...the day you can cook it all and do it with you partner, You could even do a £10 get as many naff gifts as you can in the sales... sort of thing. Just don't let on to the rest..
Plan your Menu,

Get some new Pj's each and a great movie.
Slippers and socks. and surprise him, as he really isn't expecting a Push back Christmas...

Aeroflotgirl · 24/12/2017 18:11

Good on you, have a lovely stress free Christmas, sounds bliss. She probably has realised she sent that text to the wrong person. Serves her right, just don't offer if its not sincere and from the heart.

Sammysquiz · 24/12/2017 18:13

Oh yes, a good old Jilly Cooper book is a brilliant suggestion! Like a pair of comfy slippers.

Your friends heart must’ve plummeted into her shoes when she realised what she’d done. I hope you have a lovely relaxing day, and that she feels crap & guilty all day!

Willow2017 · 24/12/2017 18:13

She wasnt just venting she was insinuating op invited herself for xmas.
That's something completely different. She is a total bitch to pretend that she wasnt the one insisting you came op.

Enjoy your day doing your own thing. Sod her.

If you are interested Dean Koontz books are a great read. A mix of real science and horror but not in a hack n slash way. Of course Stephen King isnt bad either😉

I can also recommend 'Mrs Periguins home for peculiar children" its a really good concept and there are 2 more in the series.

mineallmine · 24/12/2017 18:13

Well handled OP. I almost feel sorry for her..almost.

tombstoneteeth · 24/12/2017 18:13

I would pop round with a bottle of wine/some chocs, and heap coals of fire upon her head. Hand the gift over, thank her for her invitation, say that you are sorry that you have put her to so much work, and won't come in because it's obviously all too much for her. Wish her a very happy Christmas, and walk away, head high and the moral victor. Then go home, feet up, box set, pjs...happy and restful day.

cakeymccakington · 24/12/2017 18:16

Is it at all possible that the text was meant for you and she was being "funny"?

It's the kind of thing I do all the time. Wrong joke to the wrong person. Things sound funny in my head but really don't to other people :-/

I can imagine sending something like that to a friend, with a wink at the end and thinking I was hilarious Hmm

LuluJakey1 · 24/12/2017 18:16

Personally, I would be relieved she had given me a get-out. I would much rather have the day to myself than spend it with people I'd felt press-ganged into being with. I think you handled it well OP? Enjoy your peaceful day!

Singingtherapy · 24/12/2017 18:16

Clutching at straws here but is there any chance she sent the text to you deliberately to make you laugh? Seems odd that such a profuse invitation would turn into a grudge, plus sending text by mistake which really doesn't happen very often. Could be worth speaking to her and letting her explain.

Singingtherapy · 24/12/2017 18:17

Cross post with cakey

ImAMarshmellow · 24/12/2017 18:18

Our local Chinese and Indian are both open tomorrow. If you've not got food in, order a takeaway and just relax :)