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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not answering questions on stupid “DD”

252 replies

MrsH2010 · 23/12/2017 08:47

Expecting our fourth baby, and much like the three before this one I have had my “due date” changed three times so far, and as all the other three were early anyway to varying degrees I find it a fairly useless date. I’ve told people the month and even specified “mid” month instead of being totally vague.

My MiL has now asked me 6 times in person what EXACT date I am due. Each time so far it was in casual conversation and I simply answered mid Feb.
Last night we were in a more formal setting and as the table went quiet, surrounded by other people, she asked for a SEVENTH time do we know when the baby is due- I said yes. She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you. It’s moved three times, I find them fairly useless as all the others have been early anyway, the moment you start telling people you set yourself up for “has the baby arrived yet/ what a shame it’s your due date and no baby etc etc” texts and messages. I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month- sometimes up to six weeks and the pressure is off women, and the expectation of everyone else is managed in such a different way.
I’m so cross because I felt like she finally thought she had me cornered by asking yet again so publically, and probably thought I had no choice but to answer her with a date. I just don’t understand why you would ever push anyone on giving an answer like that after the first few attempts of getting an answer. I made it clear we’ve not told ANYONE- not just her. Unless someone fancies having the baby for me, what does it matter what “date” i’ve Got 😂
AIBU?!?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 24/12/2017 18:48

The mother in law sounds batshit

She really doesn't. A bit annoying is the most I'd put it. You, however...

Bashun · 24/12/2017 19:19

@stepawayfromgoogle, why would YOU think it's weird that someone doesn't want to tell YOU when they are expected to expell a human from THEIR most intimate of areas. IT'S NONE OF YOUR F-ING BUSINESS! This presumption that people like you are owed an answer to every question you pose makes people like you aggressive and invasive turds. How would you like it if someone asked you when your last bowel movement was, I mean why not everybody does it what are you hiding? Or how often you and your partner had sex, I mean why not, everybody does it, right? You are wrong to ask your side somebody and categorize them as weird because they won't tell you about you you are wrong to ask your side somebody and categorize them as weird because they won't tell you about you about a personal issue with their body.

pictish · 24/12/2017 19:21

"The mother in law sounds batshit. She published private information to a readership of 600-1000 people."

Perhaps and quite likely a local Church or community news publication...and still a common practice among many communities, so not batshit at all. Normal.

limitedperiodonly · 24/12/2017 19:29

This presumption that people like you are owed an answer to every question you pose makes people like you aggressive and invasive turds. How would you like it if someone asked you when your last bowel movement was

Having a baby is not like having a shit. Well, it is in that having a shit and having a baby are completely normal things that should attract no shame. Though I'd be more interested in a baby than a shit.

user1485778793 · 24/12/2017 19:29

My mil was a pain in the arse when I was pregnant. I was induced at 36 weeks, was in hospital and she was constantly texting dh asking what babies eta was. I felt very pressured for 4 days till he came. She had 2 kids and 2 inductions she should know they come when they're ready.

I think something happens to mil's when babies are being born, they go into some crazy over bearing controlling state (joking....just mine)

user1485778793 · 24/12/2017 19:41

This thread has made me decide to tell my in laws my edd is a month later than it actually is! We won't be telling them until end of April (to make sure they have booked their holidays for the next year) I'm due 14th July but 14th August sounds good..... maybe September Grin

Lillithxxx · 24/12/2017 19:49

Your pregnancy, your choice what you do or don’t say. Don’t be bullied. It’s none of her business.

Indie139 · 24/12/2017 20:01

Just tell her the date..out of the 3 dates just say the latest one in the month. I'd rather say it and get 'has the baby arrived' etc etc around my due date than to be constantly asked what my due date is between now and feb.. because if she has asked so much already, she obviously really wants to know and probably will keep asking

DagenhamRoundhouse · 24/12/2017 20:01

The magazine deal is a complete invasion of privacy.

PersianCatLady · 24/12/2017 20:04

If the MIL didn't want to know the due date then I am sure that the OP would have posted something like this -
"I am really excited about being pregnant and looking forward to the new baby. Only thing is that MIL id not showing any interest at all. My friends relatives all ask when their babies are due but not my MIL. I am so sad that she doesn't care AIBU"

PersianCatLady · 24/12/2017 20:06

OP, I know you have an aversion to answering questions but could you just tell me are you expecting MIL to look after your other three children when you go into labour??

limitedperiodonly · 24/12/2017 20:13

The magazine deal is a complete invasion of privacy

I got the impression that it's a mention in a parish newsletter rather than an exclusive for Vanity Fair.

53rdWay · 24/12/2017 20:31

I know you have an aversion to answering questions

Grin get you, Detective Sipowicz! OP’s probably doing something else on Christmas Eve. Lay off kicking her in absentia and go and get yourself a mince pie or something, you’ll have a much nicer evening.

MrsAlexKarev · 24/12/2017 20:38

YANBU I’ve just had my fourth DC and told everyone beginning of Dec even though I was actually ‘due’ mid November. I had been 2 weeks over with all of my other children so didn’t want to get to due date and be bombarded!!
I ended up being induced dead on my due date so lots of people thought she was born early!

RaspberryOverdidTheMulledWine · 24/12/2017 20:38

I think it's a bit odd not to want to say what the Edd is. Everyone knows it's an estimate.

No, they don't. I've come across a lot of people who treat an EDD as if were gospel, and I had people asking if DS was here from about 3 weeks before my due date. A lot of people. Phone calls when trying to rest as I had a heavy cold (just my luck). People getting snotty when I didn't respond to a text immediately.

OP already has 3 children; I've no doubt that her refusal to tell the EDD is down to her experiences from her 3 previous pregnancies.

Mid Feb is a good enough date for anyone, including MILs.

goose1964 · 24/12/2017 21:21

add 2 weeks to the date

PersianCatLady · 24/12/2017 22:02

53rdWay
What are you talking about?

This thread is about the OP not answering a question even though someone keeps asking her so I was saying that even though she doesn't like answering that question please could she answer mine.

No need for the NYPD Blue reference there.

supersop60 · 24/12/2017 22:22

Yanbu for wanting to keep information private. Yabu for not giving your MIL a straight answer - you would have saved yourself a lot of hassle even if you'd made up a date to keep her quiet.

manicmij · 24/12/2017 23:47

Just tell her any date for goodness sake. No wonder MIL is appeaappearing unreasonable, you are too
Any date in the expected month will surely satisfy her need to know a date.

Formeressexgirl · 24/12/2017 23:54

I think you are being a bit nasty. It’s her grandchild and not telling her the due date is just a bit odd. You seem to be making s big deal out of it for little reason.

Sennelier1 · 25/12/2017 09:59

I would tell her : march 1 2020.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 25/12/2017 22:39

Hopefully this will shed some light 're the sad part of getting a cruddy mil.I fully expected that when I grew up and got married I'd have an awesome mil,that how it works in my family.Yea,NO!I sure tried but after 5 years of marriage and when our 2nd child was only 6 wks old,we decided enough was enough. We severed all ties.And it was my husband's decision but I did support him.Only after asking a million times if he was sure,even talking to our preacher!We have a 13 yr old they don't know exists!But we did hear that 1 of the family members is now in prison,for something my husband and I suspected but didn't know for sure.....
So much more,please forgive my rambling...There truly are some that don't know boundaries.Op should NOT have been questioned that many times.If it where me,hubs,myself and mil should sit down and discuss it. Unless your mil is just awful,do what you can to help that relationship.
But OP,stand your ground girl!
This is your pregnancy,no one else's!

Realjournal123 · 26/12/2017 09:41

This whole saga is really down to the fact that you don't like her. It's completely normal for a MIL to want to know the due date and because you're so reticent the tell her, this is why she's badgering you. I guess you are both a bit similar in that you are both a bit headstrong, stubborn and like to dig your heels in. You would make your life a lot easier and more to pleasant for yourself ( and your DH) if you told her the date. What's the big deal?
On the magazine front, I agree, that was stupid of her and you need to tell her that she went too far on that score.
Sorry OP but you do come across as a bit difficult. She senses this and pushes the right buttons.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 26/12/2017 18:47

Go for it girl!!
Then you can call afterwards and share the good news😉❤

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 26/12/2017 18:50

I completely disagree.
You cannot understand a manipulative mil unless you have one.And it is so very stressful,especially when you are pregnant.