Not answering questions on stupid “DD”

[MrsH2010]

Expecting our fourth baby, and much like the three before this one I have had my “due date” changed three times so far, and as all the other three were early anyway to varying degrees I find it a fairly useless date. I’ve told people the month and even specified “mid” month instead of being totally vague.

My MiL has now asked me 6 times in person what EXACT date I am due. Each time so far it was in casual conversation and I simply answered mid Feb.
Last night we were in a more formal setting and as the table went quiet, surrounded by other people, she asked for a SEVENTH time do we know when the baby is due- I said yes. She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you. It’s moved three times, I find them fairly useless as all the others have been early anyway, the moment you start telling people you set yourself up for “has the baby arrived yet/ what a shame it’s your due date and no baby etc etc” texts and messages. I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month- sometimes up to six weeks and the pressure is off women, and the expectation of everyone else is managed in such a different way.
I’m so cross because I felt like she finally thought she had me cornered by asking yet again so publically, and probably thought I had no choice but to answer her with a date. I just don’t understand why you would ever push anyone on giving an answer like that after the first few attempts of getting an answer. I made it clear we’ve not told ANYONE- not just her. Unless someone fancies having the baby for me, what does it matter what “date” i’ve Got 😂
AIBU?!?

For practical reasons I think my pils also need to know as I'm relying on them to look after my ds. Also they tend not to let you go too overdue nowadays. I was 5 days late and had 2 sweeps before havung him and an induction booked so was nice to have some moral support. My family are not pushy though so it depends on your circumstances.

tame not take

It's all relative. Some people may think it's a normal question to be asked - but maybe they don't have an intrusive MIL like the OPs. I'd personally hate to be asked repeatedly and publicly so I think the OP is being totally reasonable by saying mid month. All I've told my own mother is early April. My DD has been brought forward due to the size of the baby.

Maybe others see it as totally reasonable and they welcome the queries as their due date approaches. Each to their own. We all have our own opinions and preferences.

Even when you work hard to make it sound as bad as it possibly can, it still doesn't sound that bad to have people asking you if there's any sign of baby.

This isn't a stranger or a work colleague, it's the father's Mum.

Personally I wouldn't have asked again after being told that I wasn't important enough to know the due date, but I would have thought my dil was odd and mean.

Only on mn that all these minor things become huge issues, thank goodness people are kinder in rl.

Well RainyApril I suppose this is a helpful lesson that things which you wouldn’t bother you might still be stressful or upsetting to other people.

Or indeed don't bother the vast majority of childbearing women.

But yes, there's always someone who'll be offended or upset by a thing that anyone else would handle as routine.

But Rainy OPs said that no one knows the exact due date apart from her and her midwife/doctor (and probably her husband, she doesn't say whether he does or not but I'd guess he does) so she's not making anyone more/less important with that knowledge apart from the people directly involved in her pregnancy.
It's just personal preference isn't it? Some people are fine with people knowing and asking and some people aren't. Everybody's different and that's fine.

@RainyApril saying you'd think your DIL would be odd/mean and that you weren't important enough to be told is probably exactly why people might prefer to keep things to themselves. Nobody is entitled to other people's medical information. A due date is just a best guess but some people treat it like it's gospel, hence lots of questions

Everyone differs. You might like to be told but maybe your DIL mightn't want to tell you. It's her decision at the end of the day.

Are you expecting MIL to look after your other three children when you go into labour??

See my mum is like this. I’m wise to this shit though and always always feign ignorance/be unable to remember.
Amazing she’s not cottoned on yet really.

Far far easier.

I loved telling people the due date and having sweepstakes with all of mine to see if any actually did hit their dd, two of mine were two weeks early, two of them were two weeks late, and the last missed it by hours, but people ask questions, surely people will ask just as many questions anyway?? Just sounds daft to me because I loved others being excited about my children, especially as my own grandparents couldn't have given a toss when I was born.

My gc arrived 3 weeks after due date and dil was fed up being asked how she felt, about baby being late/any twinges/are you sure you dd was correct etc. When she finally went into labour didn't tell anyone until gc had arrived. Yanbu

Omg you were sooo rude. Why hide something like a due date? Seems weird. I read your reasoning but still not a good enough reason to hide

It's absolutely ridiculous you don't you MIL the due date. She may want to plan her life around that. It doesn't mean you have to have to baby on the actual due date. You do seem like a really difficult person to get along with.

MiL sounds like a bit of a nightmare, I wouldn't be telling her anything personal

You know what? I’m with you OP! After my DS1 being due Xmas day I actually turned my phone off because I was sick of all the messages asking any sign of baby yet. I was trying to enjoy my Christmas with my family while heavily pregnant so it upset and annoyed me to be constantly asked. With DD1 she was due 3rd June and arrived 25th June!!! Mid February should have been a perfectly adequate due date for anyone especially considering they’ve moved it a few times. Although that being said apparently their first estimate is usually the closest to correct.

Hilarious

Weird.

Many of us will have experience of awaiting results that aren't as joyful as a baby arriving. In fact, that will probably be most of us.

It's happened to me twice and I have known many other people who were also waiting on results that were life-changing, threatening or ending. No one ever pestered me for that information and I also waited for others to inform me. I realise that there might be weird people who overstep the mark in sensitive situations but surely that's not the norm? Most people wait to be told.

I cannot understand why the OP doesn't give the due date to her MIL

OP is coming across as a bit weird and precious - but each to their own

I had a pregnancy where the dates kept moving and some people were just awful about it and kept trying to make out that there was something wrong with the pregnancy as the baby was bigger/smaller than expected - as I have had 3 previous mc all the speculation was very horrible.

I hope I don't end up with a DIL like you... This is her SON'S baby you're talking about, her flesh and blood, and it's an EDD, not a fucking state secret! My god, talk about precious! Just remember, you will probably be a MIL one day too. I feel sorry for yours.

Ffs. repeatedly tell her first April if she persists. She might get the message.

The baby isn’t communal property. It is currently lodged very firmly inside of the OP, and as such every other fucker on the planet has absolutely no say whatsoever on what information is shared.

The mother in law sounds batshit. She published private information to a readership of 600-1000 people.

I wouldn’t tell her what time it is, let alone when my child is due.

She can find out when the child arrives, like everyone else does.

OP I think it sad that so many people on here aren't listening to what you say, the reason you're giving for not announcing the EDD. I say stick to your guns.

She's out of order for over sharing information about you and your children. I hope that you and your DH challenged her about that.

YANBU. Merry Christmas x