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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD teacher behaving inappropriately

166 replies

dontknowwhattodowiththisinfo · 22/12/2017 21:25

WWYD with this information.

I have been told that last night my daughters form tutor (male aged 28) was very drunk at a local nightclub. He was grinding against a 17YO girl l and shoved an 18YO man who told him he was embarrassing himself and to go home.

Would you report it to the school? If so who to and what would you say?

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/12/2017 21:54

And if the 18yr old man thought that the shove warranted an assault then HE should report it to the police.

NovemberWitch · 22/12/2017 21:54

Yes, but imagine how pissed off and upset those teens will be if the consequences of this are that the nightclub has to tighten up on the law or lose their license.’ Outraged parent closes teen den of iniquity ‘
Perfect DM fodder.

ReanimatedSGB · 22/12/2017 21:54

Well, he sounds like a creepy fucker. However, you weren't there and didn't witness it yourself, so a) you will get nowhere by reporting it and b) you don't know that it was as creepy as it sounds, unless the teenager he actually rubbed up against is the one who told you.

The fact that the girl he was dancing with, according to what you have been told, was happy to dance with him makes it even less of a good idea to report him, and rather less likely that he's a danger to his pupils.

NataliaOsipova · 22/12/2017 21:55

Nothing to report. The girl wasn't his student and was over the age of consent. He could quite legally be in a relationship with a 16 yr old if he didn't teach them as distasteful as you might find the age gap.
The only people doing anything illegal here are those who are allowing under 18s into licenced premises at night. No doubt they are aware of this if there are loads of 16-18 yr olds who go there and they know they will be let in. I would report the venue in your situation.

Very well put. Completely agree!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/12/2017 21:57

How did he behave inappropriately "with his students"; you've said she wasn't his student? I think you need to wind your neck in. Who reported it to you anyway (and why)?

Mistressiggi · 22/12/2017 22:01

This from an article in the Guardian:
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 made it an offence for a person over 18 in a position of trust to have a sexual relationship with a child under 18, regardless of whether the relationship is consensual and even if the person does not teach the child. Prior to that act, the age of consent – 16 – was the only issue

shakeyourcaboose · 22/12/2017 22:01

What little arseholes- gleefully videoing it and then faux concern whinging to mummy. As pp have said maybe the parents who are willfully supporting the endangerment of children by allowing them to enter dens of iniquity should be charged too? (see how the drama llama ness can work both ways)

littletinyme1 · 22/12/2017 22:03

I agree with Legend. He was pissed by the sounds of things, shoving the 18 year old. The kids know he was crossing a line, thats why they told him several times what her age was. Safeguarding in schools is an enormous subject for kids and teachers. What he was doing was ill advised, at the very least.
What bothered them most was that she was 17 and any teacher would need to think very carefully indeed about having anything to do with someone 11 years younger than them, and someone the same age as their students.
I would report it to the school designated safeguarding lead because this man is going to gave lots of trouble from the kids when he goes back to school and will need help managing it.
Teachers are given lots of advice about this sort of thing and many choose not to live or socialise in the local area for just this reason.
I think he has been very foolish...but people make mistakes.

NovemberWitch · 22/12/2017 22:03

Even by mn standards, dancing in a club is not a relationship. Teacher is a fool though, he has a lot to lose in all sorts of ways.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/12/2017 22:04

You have frankly bizarre notions of what constitutes a 'man' and a 'woman' Confused. Erring on the puritanical, I'd say.

littletinyme1 · 22/12/2017 22:05

Going to have

ButchyRestingFace · 22/12/2017 22:05

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 made it an offence for a person over 18 in a position of trust to have a sexual relationship with a child under 18, regardless of whether the relationship is consensual and even if the person does not teach the child.

Nothing to suggest that this teacher is in a position of trust to the 17 year old though.

Tiddler7 · 22/12/2017 22:06

I would definitely report 16 and 17 yo being allowed into the night club Hmm

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/12/2017 22:10

The man is in no kind of position of trust over the 17 yr old as far as we are aware though. They may be in different schools. The 17 yr old may not even still be in school. I agree that a 28yr old going after someone that young is weird but it's not against the law.

ButchyRestingFace · 22/12/2017 22:10

I would definitely report 16 and 17 yo being allowed into the night club hmm

But then OP would have to report their own child. Xmas Sad

violetbluesky · 22/12/2017 22:10

If the 17 year old was in a club then why would the man think she was younger than 18? Presumablely he doesn't know her.
"Grinding" in a club isn't illegal...but being 17 in a club is.
He shoved someone....I can't get worked up about that. Hardly the worst thing that's ever happened.

You need to but out

violetbluesky · 22/12/2017 22:11

*presumably

Fundays12 · 22/12/2017 22:12

Yes he was drunk and being silly but she was happy to dance so he wasn’t forcing her. It’s also all based in hearsay not proven evidence. What do you hope to gain from reporting him? I would suggest focusing more in your own life and less in what a teacher has allegedly done in his own time in in an night out. You could be stirring up a whole lot of trouble for something which really isn’t your business. She isn’t his student, she was in okay happy to dance and she was in a club for over 18s which she legally shouldn’t have been in.

Not your monkey, not your circus so stay out of the ring would be my advice.

RestingGrinchFace · 22/12/2017 22:14

Surely the issue here is that he assaulted one of his pupils?

shakeyourcaboose · 22/12/2017 22:14

So does the 18 YO 'man' 'like' the 17YO 'girl' 🤔(and how tweenage did I feel writing that!)

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/12/2017 22:16

Well surely that is up to the 18 yr old man to report if he wants to?

Greenshoots1 · 22/12/2017 22:18

Nothing to report.

MrsSthe3rd · 22/12/2017 22:19

The lad didn't intervene because he crossed a line, like a pp suggested. In the OPs own words "he was embarrassing himself" - that isn't the same thing.

TheLegendOfBeans · 22/12/2017 22:19

^Dear MN
My DD was out in a nightclub the other night and was “dirty dancing” with a teacher from a nearby school, different to the one she attends. Said teacher then went onto engage in minor fisticuffs with her (male) friend who this guy does teach. Whilst I know DD is only 17 and shouldn’t have been in a club in the first place, AIBU to think the teacher shouldnt be trying it on with the female friends of one of his pupils? It’s really inapropriate IMO^

(1000 responses of YANBU)

ButchyRestingFace · 22/12/2017 22:22

^Dear MN
My DD was out in a nightclub the other night and was “dirty dancing” with a teacher from a nearby school, different to the one she attends. Said teacher then went onto engage in minor fisticuffs with her (male) friend who this guy does teach. Whilst I know DD is only 17 and shouldn’t have been in a club in the first place, AIBU to think the teacher shouldnt be trying it on with the female friends of one of his pupils? It’s really inapropriate IMO^

You think OP’s kid is the girl?

I thought it was the 18 year old friend. 🤔