Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

@MoodyTwo- did they write me a card? It didn't have my name on it so I wouldn't know. In fact it had a name I've specifically told them not to use multiple times.

@Gileswithachainsaw and @giddyupnow

Damn you beat me to it!

I've been doing it all wrong over the years. I should have just accepted the numerous spelling of my name as opposed to correcting them.

I mean it's not as if its printed in block capitals on forms or spelt out to them repeatedly or anything yet still the cards are all printed wrongbajd letters sent to various jumbles of letters bearing no resemblance to my name

Im.already erased as it is i shouldn't really care if family do the same should I

God, Warwick, you are just so totally, like, self-indulgent. You could be like Flight Commander Jennifer Nittens, who will have you know she is very independent indeed and what's more, extremely well-brought up. Shame. SHAME.

Well, thank goodness you've been publicly shamed into compliance, Giles, is all I can say. Now at least you know you're lucky to be called anything at all and not just have an old potato shied at your head to get your attention. Although, in my day, it was half an old potato, let me tell you.

All the pps saying I'm being ungrateful for the cards... yes I am.

I'm not grateful that people are sending me "duty" cards for some reason.

If you don't consider me important enough to even remember my name, a name I've had for 29 years, 15 of which they have known me. Don't send me a card.

I shall consider myself truly told giddy

I can't expect people in shops to read my clearly printed details. I mean it's not as if they get the email address or address right to send me all the vouchers and details of offers oh no....

No one has room in their brain to read the name aswell... I should he grateful for those mass emails and misspelled loyalty cards.

Good job I don't write cheques to completely different people isn't it. Not sure the excuses would go down so well if they didn't get the money.. .

I should just go back to my bar days when I was greeted as ok, or girl, or you, or even just a bang on the counter..

What was I thinking

@giddyupnow since my eyes have been well and truly opened to how completely insignificant I am I shall now become something of a disciple to High Priest Patrick Mittens and nurse at the teet of her wisdom.

Well. Hmpf. I suppose as long as you now both do admit how incredibly shallow, meaningless and trivial your quest to be known by a name of your choosing by those who purport to love and respect you really is?

If you apologise nicely to Her Grace Jamie-Lee Grittens above, maybe she'll share some pearls of wisdom on Being Well-Brought-Up and Independent Not Self-Indulgent and Obsessive.

Don't go changing now!

Gavel.

I actually have been erased altogether now by the PIL when it comes to names at Christmas.

DH and I live in a different country from them. They used to send us cards/packages before we were married with our different names on them, no problem.

Then when we got married I got a package from them on my birthday with what they assumed my "new name" would be (i.e. Mrs their surname). I of course thanked them very much for the package and did say that I hadn't changed my name. A new package arrived for Christmas addressed to Mr and Mrs their surname. Again, I thanked them for their package and gently reminded them that I hadn't changed my name.

Now on my birthday I get packages from them with My Firstname My Surname-Their Surname (nope, still not my name) and at Christmas the package is addressed to Mr Their Surname only as they can't cope with double-barrelling their son's surname without his instruction to do so and so it's clearly best to leave my name off altogether.

They are really lovely people. I know they really like me and are very happy that DH and I are together. The Christmas packages always contain something that is very obviously for my DH and something else that is very obviously for me.

They are both very intelligent and are only in their mid-60s so not some dotty elderlies incapable of understanding. Why the hell they can't just revert to what they always used to do (i.e. send packages for both us to My Name & DH Name) I have no idea? It would be so much easier for everyone.

I let it pass because I tried twice and it didn't work but of course I notice it - if they weren't so nice in other ways it would really wind me up a lot.

Some cards arrive addressed in my DPs surname, some are addressed in my surname. It bothers her but I couldn't give a toss. There are people in this world that have more important things to worry about such as starvation, war, homelessness. A name on an envelope is not that big a deal. Life is too short to be bothered by such things and Christmas should be a time of goodwill

And to all those saying "FGS it's meaningless" - even people who love the woman they are addressing can't be bothered to take them seriously and listen to them. They would not do this to the men they love. It's not meaningless.

Not sure why people are pissing about posting on MN when there is illness, war, starvation, homelessness etc. in the world to be worrying about.

I agree with you, girlsblouse17, life is too short and Christmas too meaningful to care about something that bothers your DP. I feel like this about lots of things.

@GirlsBlouse17 it's a bloody good thing that most people can worry about more than one thing at a time isn't it?

@KnowItNo exactly! I wonder if I would have received different responses had I posted a thread about people in my family calling my husband Joe instead of John even after numerous attempts to politely correct them over 3 years.

I was taught to address cards to Mr and Mrs [HisInitial] [HisSurname]. It's considered the 'correct' way by most people in my family and social circles.

Four of my (married and female) friends dislike it. Since learning that, I try not write it on their cards, but I forgot one year. It was a very stressful Christmas where an immediate family member died, and I was frankly disappointed that one of them complained to me - in spite of knowing the circumstance, that I was writing these cards in hospital, beside my dying parent's bed, remembering addresses from memory.

One PP suggested that people who address a card differently from the receiver's preference are showing a "complete lack of respect". In this circumstance, I don't think I was the one being disrespectful!

I wonder if I would have received different responses had I posted a thread about people in my family calling my husband Joe instead of John even after numerous attempts to politely correct them over 3 years

Different responses for sure, and definitely would be told "return to sender".

I do wonder why, if you wouldn't send a card to Sarah and Dave when their names are Ruth and Michael, how it's different sending a name to Mr and Mrs Greene when Mrs Greene doesn't exist

How is a wrong name not simply a wrong name when it's a woman

@mirialis I have a feeling that I'd be told my family were being disrespectful to not call my husband by his name and have posters wondering why they couldn't just remember his name after so many years and after we'd corrected them so many times.

And I bet no one would send a card to Mr and Mr Greene if they hadn't changed their names getting married. I bet then both would be addressed correctly

Unlike "girlsblouse", my DH is bothered by this and said he wanted to speak to them about it. I told him not to - I'm sure they would change their behaviour if their son told them to. I asked them twice and it didn't work - that's enough for me to let it drop in terms of trying to speak to them about it, but of course I have noticed and it's absolutely NOT "meaningless" (I think there might be some confusion about the difference between "meaning" and "relative importance").

I wonder if I would have received different responses had I posted a thread about people in my family calling my husband Joe instead of John even after numerous attempts to politely correct them over 3 years

My response more concerned some later posters, who had seemed very intolerant of any mis-addressing, than the OP.

I do think it's different after numerous attempts to politely correct them, although I'd still make allowances for people who were otherwise very kind.

I get a christmas card every year, addressed to the wrong name (e.g. I'm Josie, short for Josephine, and it's addressed to Joseba). I've politely correct the person 3 or 4 times. I don't bother anymore, and I don't feel offended. She writes a lovely note in the card, thanking me for my kindness to her when we were living nearby, some years back, and wishing me well.

So this assumption: Different responses for sure, and definitely would be told "return to sender is rather unfair in assuming that those who'd tolerate mis-addressing for longer must be sexist or even mysogenistic.

I asked them twice and it didn't work - that's enough for me to let it drop in terms of trying to speak to them about it, but of course I have noticed and it's absolutely NOT "meaningless" (I think there might be some confusion about the difference between "meaning" and "relative importance").

This seems like a measured and reasonable response. Not to brush it away as 'meaningless', when one has tried to correct them more than once, but to not let it dominate a family relationship.

This seems like a measured and reasonable response. Not to brush it away as 'meaningless', when one has tried to correct them more than once, but to not let it dominate a family relationship

Yes, we women have been conditioned pretty well not to rock the boat, to shy away from being "militant" and to be the peace-keepers.

So this assumption: Different responses for sure, and definitely would be told "return to sender is rather unfair in assuming that those who'd tolerate mis-addressing for longer must be sexist or even mysogenistic

I don't think it's unfair. I don't think the majority of posters on here would think it acceptable for family members to keep getting the OP's husband name wrong.