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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Flowers At Work?

174 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 09:35

Hello,

I've posted about this nightmare woman at work before and things had calmed down, I stayed out of her way, put my headphones in when the noise was too much and finally finished for Christmas on Tuesday.

Yesterday some flowers, chocolates and a card arrived for me at work from one of the sites I work with. My friend (who works with us both) text and emailed me pictures of everything and I saw it this morning, messaged her and said it's so lovely and I'd drop in and collect them today.

The other woman has taken the flowers home for herself! I'm so angry, friend has called this morning and said sorry as she was there but didn't stop her. She knew that as soon as I had seen the messages I'd come and collect them.

AIBU to be absolutely pissed off my gift has gone to someone else?!

OP posts:
zzzzz · 22/12/2017 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz · 22/12/2017 11:07

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grannytomine · 22/12/2017 11:07

I wouldn't bother going into work just to pick up some free flowers, it was a nice thought but there is so much to do at this time of year I wouldn't waste the time. If it is that important to you text her and say you want to pick them up.

'Thank you for not wanting the flowers to go to waste but I had been informed they were there and went in a couple of hours later to collect them and was disappointed to find you'd taken them home. I suggest that in the future colleagues wait 24 hours before making such decisions in case the recipient does want the gift. So she should lie? I'm sure her manager would be impressed with that.

Tokelau · 22/12/2017 11:11

I would text her and say, 'X told me you've taken my flowers home for me. Thank you so much, what time shall I pop by to pick them up?'.

Ragwort · 22/12/2017 11:14

Can't believe some of the comments on this thread, seriously - you would call the police or tell HR Hmm. Unless there is a huge back story this is probably just a misunderstanding - colleage A thought you had left for the Christmas holiday and wouldn't be back; colleague B didn't have the guts/knowledge to say 'hang on a minute, X is coming in for the flowers'.

Years ago a supplier sent a side of salmon to an office I worked in, no one took responsibility for opening the package - we all came back to a stinking mess after Christmas Grin.

GreasySpoon · 22/12/2017 11:14

I would say that reception (or whoever) said that she accidentally picked up your flowers by mistake. Could you drop in to pick them up?

Aridane · 22/12/2017 11:17

Can you imagine the thread from colleague's perspective if OP followed the advice here.

Not sure what to do here. It's our last day in the office today and Blue has already started the Christmas break. Some flowers have arrived for her today from a client and rather than have them go to waste, I've taken them home. However, since then, my manager has been contacted, I've been reported to HR for theft, the police have been round, OP has been sending me offensive messages and has come round and punched my lights out. Was she being unreasonable?

runwalkrun · 22/12/2017 11:21

Why can't you text her and thank her for taking the flowers home for you, but you will be passing her place at x time so can she please have them ready for you?
All nice and polite and friendly.

I don't understand why you won't do that Confused

StrawBasket · 22/12/2017 11:21

Calling the police is a bit much, but reporting to HR is entirely appropriate. If you really want items not to go to waste, you wait until the office closes - and chocolates can survive longer than a couple of days.

runwalkrun · 22/12/2017 11:22

Being assertive and standing up for your rights, in a pleasant, friendly manner, isn't 'causing aggro'.

Ragwort · 22/12/2017 11:25

reporting to HR is entirely appropriate FGS - surely HR have more important things to worry about? I have been in HR & if someone really reported this I think I would start investigating how/why personal gifts from suppliers are being accepted. As another poster said, in many companies gifts have to be 'pooled' and you can only accept them under very strict conditions.

nutnerk · 22/12/2017 11:29

Don't bother taking it back to HR just drop her a text "Merry Christmas! I came back in today to get my flowers but X said you'd taken them! Gutted! Please text me first next time :( but enjoy anyway x"

No point ruining work relationship over flowers but you should at least confront with a text so she knows its not ok.

SoozC · 22/12/2017 11:34

So she should lie? I'm sure her manager would be impressed with that.

Which bit was lying?

Failingat40 · 22/12/2017 11:42

To me the only one being unreasonable is your 'friend' ~ the one that works with you both.

She seems like a bit of a stirrer to me. Standing by mute like a shop mannequin while someone else removes part of the gift she's just photographed and sent you doesn't add up.

Saying she doesn't want involved is an absolute bullshit cop out! She doesn't need to be involved, all she had to say was "it's ok you don't need to take the flowers ** knows they're here and will either pop in for them or I'll drop them off later". Hmm

It's hardly rocket science, are you sure she's not thriving on the drama?

The problem lady taking the flowers actually wouldn't bother me, it'd save me going back to work before Christmas during my leave and quite frankly will remind her every time she looks at them that they're not actually hers.

Allthetuppences · 22/12/2017 11:44

I'd probably not bother with getting the flowers but I am a snidey cow at times and would look forward to a year of "funny" comments.
"Better not leave that there CF will think it's hers/ take it home" smile. And laugh a lot at her. Also, only get her flowers with works birthday money from now on. Really boring ones as "you know how much she likes them".
I am not proud of it but I once kept such comments going for a few months when the office cf stole my coat and wore it to work on a couple of occaisions.

Aridane · 22/12/2017 11:45

I agree with Failing

ObscuredbyFog · 22/12/2017 11:45

You need to say something.

Tell the person who sent them to you what's happened to them. email them and say It's a lovely thought but unfortunately Colleague Scrote has taken them home with her so I've not seen them.

bigtissue · 22/12/2017 11:52

YANBU but there's probably nothing you can do about it now. Bide your time and an opportunity to right this wrong may well present itself in due course.

Chancers like this person live on their nerves anyway Grin

RhiannonOHara · 22/12/2017 11:52

She’s a twat but your ‘friend’ is useless not stopping her.

I’d email her and copy in whoever else is involved: ‘I don’t know why you’ve taken my flowers home but you need to return or replace them. Thanks.’

harrietsoton · 22/12/2017 12:10

I doubt you’re getting the flowers back now but I would definitely confront her about it. Can’t allow her to continually take the piss!

elessar · 22/12/2017 12:31

Blue - this comment; ' When it happened recently to another colleague we all excitedly text her pictures and she came in to collect the next day (her husband had sent them a week too early for their anniversary!). The thought of taking them home never crossed my mind at all!'

Isn't comparable at all! Those were personal flowers sent to work but for a completely non work related reason. It would be the same as deciding to take home somebody else's Amazon parcel delivery or something - it would very much be theft.

Your situation is different because it's a professional gift - yes, sent to you, but it falls under a slightly different bracket. You've said other gifts get shared out - I assume you've benefitted from the chocolates etc that others have received even if you don't drink wine? So although you should have got first dibs on the flowers, you weren't actually there - this isn't crime of the century.

I still agree that CF is in the wrong but it's just one of those things - you can either address it or let it go, but personally I wouldn't make this some major issue.

CurryWorst · 22/12/2017 12:43

She’s a twat but your ‘friend’ is useless not stopping her

Hardly fair. The friend is working, and its not her job or responsibility to wrestle CF to the ground to stop her stealing someone elses flowers.
No need to be a dick about innocent bystanders.

CurryWorst · 22/12/2017 12:45

I'd find her and punch her fucking lights out, grabby bitch. She's a thief, pure and simple

And you're a fucking loon, pure and simple. As is whatever dingus said to call the police. Xmas Hmm

grannytomine · 22/12/2017 13:03

Which bit was lying? That she went in a couple of hours later to collect them. She actually said she was going to go in today. These things often go so wrong because people decide to add in unnecessary bits that aren't true, then the OP, in this case, would come under the spotlight as lying about the original issue instead of the original issue being focused on.

Fishface77 · 22/12/2017 13:15

Go round and get them op!