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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Flowers At Work?

174 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 09:35

Hello,

I've posted about this nightmare woman at work before and things had calmed down, I stayed out of her way, put my headphones in when the noise was too much and finally finished for Christmas on Tuesday.

Yesterday some flowers, chocolates and a card arrived for me at work from one of the sites I work with. My friend (who works with us both) text and emailed me pictures of everything and I saw it this morning, messaged her and said it's so lovely and I'd drop in and collect them today.

The other woman has taken the flowers home for herself! I'm so angry, friend has called this morning and said sorry as she was there but didn't stop her. She knew that as soon as I had seen the messages I'd come and collect them.

AIBU to be absolutely pissed off my gift has gone to someone else?!

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 22/12/2017 10:31

Banged to rights!! you've got photographic evidence from your other colleague exactly what was sent to you, so CFC cannot deny all knowledge in the NY. Since when has she been the Flower Police, assigned to safeguard gifts that have nothing to do with her.

She'll just have to replace the flowers ahem....

Aki99 · 22/12/2017 10:32

Well thats theft - can you contact the person who gave you the flowers as they could chase it up if you dont want to, I would certainly speak to management.

DeepanKrispanEven · 22/12/2017 10:32

We work in such a small team that it honestly isn't worth the aggro.

But she clearly thinks it is worth the aggro. Why not at least ask her publicly why she didn't check whether you planned to come in? And why she thought she was entitled to take them above everyone else?

Bobbydeniro69 · 22/12/2017 10:33

I find it utterly astonishing that some people put up with this behaviour in the workplace.

This thread should have been ' This happened, and I have reported her to a senior manager and HR for theft - thought I would update you '

Definitely not a ' what should I do' type of thread.

Your colleague is just as culpable by not stopping her taking them.

Sort it out in the New Year , stop being a soft touch.

Yeahsureokay · 22/12/2017 10:33

I'd find her and punch her fucking lights out, grabby bitch.

Wtaf Shock

Yeahsureokay · 22/12/2017 10:34

I understand you not wanting to cause workplace tension, but you should absolutely find a way to contact her and go around to collect your flowers op.

mummmy2017 · 22/12/2017 10:35

Send her this message.
Thank you for taking my flowers home.
However next time can you please contact me BEFORE you take something.
I had actually been informed the flowers had arrived and arrived at the office to collect them.
Happy Christmas,

Undercoverbanana · 22/12/2017 10:41

Hahaha - good point Gwen - I'm always in trouble for something anyway!! However, she needs to be taught that OP won't be bullied and have her stuff nicked. If the company don't care about staff treating each other like this then she needs to be dealt with somehow. Obviously the police would have a right laugh if you tried to report this as theft as they don't care about car theft and house break-ins anymore. Back to the OP then.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 10:43

Thank you for all your responses.

As to not disappear - I'm trying not to let it ruin my day so I'm off to do some Christmas shopping. Im sure the thread will rumble on.

I read AIBU all of the time and always think I'd do this or that, but when you're in that situation your outlook changes entirely

OP posts:
Aridane · 22/12/2017 10:46

No, I wouldn't punch her lights out, report her to the police or to HR. It's fairly obvious that colleague will say she thought you had broken up for Christmas and didn't want the flowers to go to waste - though that's no excuse for the chocolates.

Surprised your friend didn't just say, hey, OP is going to pop in to pick up her pressie.

You could email / text colleague to say that you had been going to come in to the office to pick them up (and, hey, save the choccies for me). And say jokingly any chance she could do a home delivery of the flower!

elessar · 22/12/2017 10:46

Posts like this is why I absolutely hate the politics surrounding Christmas gifts from suppliers and contacts.

It's a lovely gesture but it's spoilt by people's grabbiness and as a manager I've found it's impossible to find a solution that keeps everyone happy. Let people take gifts for them home - then you get griping from those who don't work with as many external suppliers or who aren't as generous. Insist on everything being shared out and then people moan about not getting 'their own' gifts. It's an absolute nightmare.

I'm on the fence with this one. Flowers aren't something that can be shared and they are perishable. I agree this woman was pretty cheeky to just take them home without even trying to get in touch with you and asking if you wanted to collect them. On the other hand if she didn't think you'd be back until after Christmas then it's vaguely acceptable. That said, she's clearly a bit of a pisstaker as she didn't even attempt to speak to you about it. Your friend should also have said 'oh I've spoken to Blue and I think she's going to collect them/I'm going to drop them round to her' which would have made the point without causing a scene.

I think the cries of thief are a bit strong, though it depends a little on your office policy - ours is that everything should be shared out fairly in the team.

I'd probably be tempted to get in touch with her and say that you can pop round to collect them but only you know if that will cause more trouble than it's worth. Yes there's the principle of the matter but is winning the moral victory with a bunch of flowers worth the atmosphere in the office in January?

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 10:47

Ps. I'm definitely not contacting the police, my best friend is a DS and she would laugh me off the phone if I told her!

I'll deal with it, probably by emailing my manager and then CCing her manager in too so he's aware. It is stealing to me and like DP says, she wouldn't do it to anyone else so why me?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 22/12/2017 10:49

I seem to be in a minority of not thinking this is a huge deal. Not insignificant or not annoying, just not a huge deal.

It's very close to the end of the year, they're perishable, and she hadn't been told you might come in to collect them. If a similar thing happened in our office I seriously doubt that anyone would bother to collect them, and they would be up for grabs.

Yes, she didn't ask, but she might just have had such a different perspective on things that she didn't think it necessary.

If it was posted the other way around, I think you'd get a few more people saying it would be a shame to waste them.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 10:50

The thing is, she works with more sites than me - it's not my fault that one of my 20 decided to buy me flowers is it? Hers could've done that and they chose not to, but I'm the one to suffer because of my sites kindness.

She's had a lot of gifts, I don't drink alcohol so all wine I had was going to her and the others in the team. A call or text from her would've been fine but it's the rudeness I can't stand. The assuming its fine, but this is her all over. She will probably love the attention she will get from the fall out.

OP posts:
Caulk · 22/12/2017 10:52

I would just text her and say

“Thank you for looking after my flowers and putting them in water until I could collect them. Shall I come by about 4 and get them from you?”

StrawBasket · 22/12/2017 10:52

All the guys in my office are too scared to even borrow a pen from my desk, I can't imagine anyone nicking gifts. It's the principle, people should respect your space and your property. That's the worst aspect of working in an office if you have cheeky fuckers.

SoozC · 22/12/2017 10:54

I would email her with a polite note:

'Thank you for not wanting the flowers to go to waste but I had been informed they were there and went in a couple of hours later to collect them and was disappointed to find you'd taken them home. I suggest that in the future colleagues wait 24 hours before making such decisions in case the recipient does want the gift.'

CC your manager and hers. It's not aggressive, you let management know what happened but you're suggesting a solution so it's reasonable to copy them in and you let the CF know that management know about her CF tendencies.

AfterSchoolWorry · 22/12/2017 10:56

Text her that you'll call to her house and get them back. Be clear that you were intending to go on and pick them up. I wouldn't let that go. Don't be meek about it.

She's had all your wine, don't let her have your flowers too!

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/12/2017 10:59

but I'm the one to suffer because of my sites kindness.

I think you're starting to get a bit OTT OP. You're suffering??? Because a colleague took your flowers home? You seem to be making a big deal out of something which isn't a big deal.

zzzzz · 22/12/2017 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 22/12/2017 11:02

Stop being a doormat. If you want the flowers, make your claim to them and go get them. Also the chocolates.

Nothing will change unless you push back.

greendale17 · 22/12/2017 11:03

OP is making a big deal out of it but then says she doesn’t want the aggro?

What is the point in posting then?

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 11:03

I didnt mean it in an actual crying hysterical way! I meant it as in why I should I miss out because shes a grabbing twat?

Don't worry, I'm not on the verge of a breakdown or anything. When it happened recently to another colleague we all excitedly text her pictures and she came in to collect the next day (her husband had sent them a week too early for their anniversary!). The thought of taking them home never crossed my mind at all!

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 22/12/2017 11:04

It shows how lacking in self-esteem that colleague must be.

Hell would freeze over before I took someone else's flowers which has their name on the card Shock. You'd think she had more pride than to want flowers that were meant to acknowledge work done by another colleague. It was probably all of 20quid or similar. Must have been absolutely desperate.

I bet she'll swank to her mates about how values she is at work and look what my customer sent me because I'm so wonderful.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 22/12/2017 11:05

I posted as an AIBU, never asked for advice at all, posters gave it and thats up to them.

Unless I'm mistaken that's the purpose of the board?! I wanted to vent, did that and now I'm done. I wouldn't take anyones property and so struggle to understand why someone else would.

OP posts:
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