Fed up with having to do everything and always being blamed

[VelvetSpoon]

I am fed up. I am only one person. No family.

I am expected to do everything. I have 2 teenagers. I've posted about them many times before. Eldest is 19 and cannot wake up in mornings by alarm. He has had various alarms including a sonic boom type. Still didn't work. I basically have to shake him/ shout at him or get my younger DS to. No good if neither of us are at home. I've bought him another alarm for Xmas but I'm sceptical it will work. Consequently he blames me every time he's late because he didn't get up in time. And everyone else thinks I'm at fault apart from my bf who thinks i should do nothing for him ever. Which isn't helpful either.

DS doesn't finish work til 10.30 and until recently only had 1 set of uniform meaning I had to stay up til 12.30/1 every night to get it washed (he can use the washing machine competently however due to a prick of a plumber who did some work for me you have to switch the valve on before use and off immediately after otherwise the utility room gets flooded. DS can't be relied on to turn the valve off).

Ds2 is becoming as bad. Today he has a dentists appt. He knows about it. I've been ringing him since 12. We've also had a parcel delivered which he needs to bring in. His phone is almost certainly on silent so I can be ringing him all day and he won't know. I don't have any more time to keep calling. Meanwhile his dad who is taking him to the appt is ringing DS1 she moaning at him that i haven't made sure DS2 is ready so I have DS1 complaining about that too.

And the delivery driver moaning no one answered the door and then apparently not understanding English when i suggested where he leave parcel.

I've done no work this afternoon because of these interruptions. I've just had enough.

I've just been promoted (ok it's pretty token, no real pay rise) and lots of people at work have congratulated me. Nothing from bf or either DS though.

You do know that you are enabling your son don’t you?

So yes. It is your fault. Your fault this stress is on you.

Your son is 19. It’s his fault and responsibility entirely whether he gets up, eats, sleeps, looks after himself.

No amount of cajoling, talking or venting on mumsnet is going to change anything in your situation.

You either:

• get tough. Kick him out. Or let him stay but demand respect and stop treating him like he’s 10 years old.
• not change, hope your son will appreciate you, and watch him either treat his girlfriends with the same lack of respect or stay with you to fail to grow up and continue to blame you.

It really is your decision here. You can do it! Get tough!

Oh and...

Ds2 is becoming as bad

Why? Look at his older role model...

Digital - there may be a medical cause for DS1's exhaustion. Please read the thread

Above post...

There might be. But not a medical cause for blaming the mother!

If it is medical, it’s still DS responsibility to manage this. He’s 19.

"My GP doesn't believe in depression".

Ask for another GP at the practice. Change practices if need be.

And you are not on your own side. You are on your own dealing with these things. But you are not on your own side.

But get yourself to a different GP.

Write down all the things you do for them that if you were to be whisked away for 3 months, they could manage perfectly well for themselves. I bet it's 99% if not 100%. Then your new year's resolution should be to not do it for them.

You're acting as though people's comments about leaving your children alone when they were 10&13 and about pandering to them now are contradictory, but they aren't. Leaving children on their own all day is completely different from expecting adults to be responsible for getting up for work on time.

Pandering to them now to assuage your guilt at leaving them to theor own devices when they were younger is doing them no favours, never mind you! Time to stop enabling them and let them become responsible adults.

Please, please, please get yourself a new GP.

Please change your GP and take your ds to see someone else.

And organise to see a counsellor. I know exactly what you man about having no one to talk to/rely on (my parents are overseas, single child os no brother or sisters). Going to see a counsellor has been a god send for me. She is helping me working through issues I might have as well as Just listening to me ranting over (or holding the space as she says ). Maybe notbas good as family but so much better than feeling totally on your own.

My GP doesn't believe in depression

See a different GP. That's ridiculous. If your practice asks why, tell them why. Move surgeries if you have to.