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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?

533 replies

Cheekyeffingsister · 20/12/2017 13:57

We have a family whatsapp group and a few weeks ago we all put lists of present ideas for ourselves/our dcs and everyone said what they would get to avoid duplicates.

Dsis sent hers over, ‘does she think we’re all minted’ says dp whilst looking at her list. Nothing under £75 for her or her dp/DCs. We’re not well off by any means (her present is more than what I’ve spent on my own child) but she had called me and said ‘oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher towards them’ so based on that I felt I had to get her the pricey presents as couldn’t believe she’d spent so much! (Our presents we sent we’re all under £20)

Now 5 days before Christmas she has sent a message to the group whatsapp ‘Hi guys, just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year. Hoped to get the kids something but don’t think we’ll have time now. See you Sunday x’

AIBU to think she’s a cheeky fucker? I know I’ll get called grabby and you don’t give to receive etc but to me it seems she’s sent us all pricey things, acting like she’s doing the same then waited until everyone will have bought things to say actually she’s not getting us anything!

I’m more pissed off that she said she’d get one of the things on DDs list and now i can’t find it to arrive before Xmas.

Disclaimer as not to dripfeed - she has form for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
bretonknickers · 20/12/2017 14:45

*message back to whatsapp group

In future, lets just get for our own families and focus on presence not presents.*

^ This

I wouldn't give her anything
The sheer front of some people really does astound me.
Shameless cheeky fuckery.

Ilovecamping · 20/12/2017 14:46

Get refunds and only buy token presents for kids. We stopped the presents for everyone years ago, and all are happy with it.

1stX · 20/12/2017 14:48

Keep her present for yourself and make sure she she’s you using whatever it is.

bumbleymummy · 20/12/2017 14:49

Yes, she is being cheeky. I agree with others, return her gifts and give your DNs token gifts. I don’t think that’s mean. You wouldn’t have gotten them the expensive gifts if she hadn’t guilt tripped you into it.

RoseWhiteTips · 20/12/2017 14:49

Return any expensive gifts you have bought for her or her family. Simple. She planned this all along perhaps. Horrible attitude to others.

Appuskidu · 20/12/2017 14:50

If you still give her and her kids the expensive gifts you bought despite her pulling this ridiculous stunt, then I can see exactly why she is behaving like this. Please don’t!

ShellyBoobs · 20/12/2017 14:51

I’d probably reply with a cheery, “Hi, DSis. No problem at all, let’s just forget the presents this year. See you on Sunday!”

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 20/12/2017 14:51

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I wouldn't tell her in advance that you're not getting anything for her. Just don't give her anything and because she is a CF, she'll ask where her present is. Then as a pp says, just say "oh we're not doing presents remember, because of the X box" and you'll get to enjoy the reaction too, when her CF plan didn't work out for her

I think that^ would be fair enough to do. If DSIS has the brass neck to ask where her presents are, she deserves it. She has created the situation so hell mend her.

Cupoteap · 20/12/2017 14:51

Send one back saying that you were just going to text the same thing

Howsthings1234 · 20/12/2017 14:53

Wow she really is a CF!!! Lots of good advice here and please return the gifts!!

I'm not sure why you were pushed into spending so much more than you wanted in the first place though, especially if she has form for this? Certainly take them back that's a given but maybe in future stick to your guns and spend what you are comfortable with. £75 seems a lot!

We have started doing secret Santa for adults in our family with a £30 max budget so each adult has to spend just £30 and buy one pressie. It's been so much less pressure. We then buy for kids but not more than £10-£15 max on each child.

Oldraver · 20/12/2017 14:53

If if you cant return the gifts I would not give them to her.

Yes you dont give to receive but she has been very devious

RoseWhiteTips · 20/12/2017 14:53

Texting now in a breezy style to say no worries etc is a good idea as pp have suggested! Beat her at her own nasty game.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/12/2017 14:54

Really Cup? Fair enough. I wouldn't treat my family as spectators to a car crash and especially not at Christmas. But we're all different.

I'm just imagining the various kids sitting around watching some of the parents rubbing their thighs together in excitement. Horrid.

PumpkinSquash · 20/12/2017 14:58

I'm usually of the opinion "it's the thought that counts" and not to buy just because someone else is or isn't, but in this case, if true, your sister is beyond horrible!
Lying, deceiving AND being grabby with all the expensive things on the list.
DO NOT give the expensive presents, send them back for a refund.
A text to say "OK, that's fine, glad you suggested no presents as was getting a bit expensive from our point of view as well."
A selection box each for the kids or something instead, as it's not their fault, it's their mum's for causing all this crap in the first place!
Do not give her them, as no wonder she behaves the way she does as she knows she can get away with it! Where are the consequences for her crap behaviour? SHE brought it on herself, not you, I mean, she's the one who said no presents, not you so you're only going along with what she's asked for!

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/12/2017 15:00

I bet she never got the vouchers for you in the first place.

It'll be late night shopping tomorrow, return everything & buy kids a token gift.

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 20/12/2017 15:00

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Well she might not ask where her gifts are so there will be no 'car crash'. If she does ask where they are, the poster only advised saying "oh we're not doing presents remember, because of the X box"...it's hardly a 'car crash' scenario.

DerelictWreck · 20/12/2017 15:05

Please reply and just say 'No worries, fine by us not to do presents this year - means we can make more fun for the kids, right!'

That way she has no possible excuse!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/12/2017 15:06

Agree with everyone else - if you give her kids the expensive gifts
(a) it enables her, and thus encourages her to repeat the behaviour
and
(b) it gives a message to your DC that they don't get as much/aren't as loved/less important (although not if your DC are babies).

also, as you've said yourself, you've struggled to afford the expensive gifts. Of course your DNs should receive presents, but they don't have to be the very expensive ones you didn't want to buy in the first place.

Dustbunny1900 · 20/12/2017 15:08

That is some jaw dropping brass balls of greed your sister has. She has form for it?? Well maybe this Xmas, put your foot down!!
It's like I tell my mother, rude grabby assholes only speak rude asshole-speak to them in their native language. Or you'll be dealing w this forever trying to be "polite". Be firm and take back all the gifts.
That's some cold calculating grabby disgusting behavior- has she no shame?? I'm cringing for her

GoReylo · 20/12/2017 15:12

I'd return the gifts for your DN personally...

KungFuEric · 20/12/2017 15:13

Don't give her children the expensive gifts she wanted, that's what she was aiming for the whole time.

Cheeky Fucker making you fund her lavish Christmas

KungFuEric · 20/12/2017 15:14

Plus, how will your children feel to see you handing over a bag full of wrapped up goodies when they get nothing from their aunt? Like absolute shit I'd imagine.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/12/2017 15:14

If you give her sth expensive for DN, your sis will
sell it on! If you want to treat her why don’t you take her for a day out instead

Glumglowworm · 20/12/2017 15:16

Do not send expensive gifts for DNs! She is relying on you feeling guilty to get expensive presents out of you while she spends nothing in return. Yes it’s not DNs fault but they will get enough presents from their own parents, you are only responsible for your own children.

Return all gifts for refunds. Get DNs a box of malteasers or selection box or something cheap, kids always like chocolate.

AhhhhThatsBass · 20/12/2017 15:17

But why would you get her DCs something when she said she isn't getting yours anything?
Don't get me wrong, I don't advocate using children as pawns in this scenario but your DC will be a bit gutted if their cousins get something from you but they get nothing from their aunt.
I say get a £2 selection box from Lidl for her children. In fact I'd get one each for your DC from her too. Selection boxes all around, you aren't left broke and you make a very obvious point to your sister.
And hopefully a lesson is learnt for next year.